Happy Birthday tarotgal
a Harry Potter story
by Tina
"Oooff Moony where are we?"
"In a closet Pads."
"But why? I thought we came out of the closet years ago."
"You really are a git you know that?"
"I know, but you love me anyway. No back to my question why are we here in this closet?"
"Because it's a surprise party."
"Oh, okay. Is anyone else coming?"
"Yes, Harry, Ron and the other Weasley boys, that Cedric Diggory and the Wood boy too. I'm not sure who the others are."
"All blokes then?"
"I think so."
Now can you tell me again why we're even here? Who is this bird?"
"She writes stories ."
"Stories?"
"Stories about us..."
"Really, just about us?"
"No, she writes quite a bit, about numerous other characters too..."
"Is she like that Rowling woman? She doesn't write nearly enough about us if you ask me...... ETCHOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"Bless you Padfoot, you know you just sneezed in my ear."
"Sorry Moony."
"That's alright, it's nothing new from you, your sneezing on me is how I caught your bloody cold in the first place. Anyway, she is not really like that Rowling woman, her stories are...."
"Are what????"
"Well, how do I say this delicately, they're not intended for children."
"Sounds very interesting, has she figured out that we're a couple then?"
"Oh she's definitely got that part figured out...... heh......Hehchooooo!!!!"
"Bless you Moony, I am sorry about the cold you know....."
"I know you are, it's fine sniffffffff. Ishooooooo!!!!"
"So tell me more about these stories."
"One second, I need to find my handkerchief."
"You really do sound terrible, are you sure you want to stay for the party?"
"I'm fine Pads really."
"Are you sure that she won't mind us being sick at her party? You know the germs and all, we've both been sneezing all day..."
"I'm actually quite sure she won't mind at all...."
"Why Moony, you said that with a very seductive note in your voice. How do you know she won't mind?"
"Well...."
"I'm ehhhhhh...... heh.... waiting. Heh...SHOOOOOO!!!! 'Scuse me. Tried to miss your ear that time."
"Bless you. Thanks you did miss my ear, but I'm pretty sure you sneezed on my arm. Can't you just cover your bloody mouth?"
"Well... I was trying to turn away from you. I don't have a handkerchief and I didn't want to sneeze on my hands....."
"One wonders how you survive in the world Sirius Black. Here take this, I brought an extra one for you. Now blow your nose for Merlin's sake!"
"Thanks Moony, you really are a lifesaver."
"I do my best."
"I'm still waiting for an answer you know."
"Well, she.... enjoys sick men..."
"What do you mean Moony?"
"She finds sick men attractive and she especially enjoys sneezing..."
"Really......that's kind of interesting...."
"I guess it is...."
"Does she write stories about sick men?"
"Yes."
"Hmmmmmm.........HESHOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"Bless you."
"Thanks, used the handkerchief that time you know."
"Will wonders never cease. Owwww!! You didn't have to poke me!"
"You know you deserved it. Are we're in her stories?"
"Yes."
"Are we together?"
"In most of them."
"And we're sick?"
"One of us usually , sometime both."
"And there's sneezing?"
"Most of the time. Ishoooooo!!!!"
"Bless you Moony, that was right in cue."
"I do have very good timing you know. Ishhhhhhhhh!"
"You know she might have something there..."
"What?"
"Your sneezes, they really are very sexy."
"Don't be a berk Padfoot!"
"I'm serious, I mean I couldn't even see that one and it was sexy. Ouch!"
"Now you deserved that poke!"
"No, I really am being serious now Moony! You get this cute little helpless expression on you face when you're about to sneeze, and then you fumble through your pockets looking for your handkerchief...."
"Stop, please, you're embarrassing me."
"Shhhhh! I'm not finished,. You almost always sneeze twice, and they're very dignified polite sneezes. Except when you're alone, then you let those great big wet sneezes out. Those Moony, are definitely very sexy."
"Uggggggggg"
"No really, the way you lose control for those few minutes, how relieved you are when you're done. Hmmmmmmm. I don't even know this....What's her name?"
"She goes by tarotgal."
"Well, I don't even know this tarotgal and she's opening up a whole new area of potential pleasure here....."
"You can't be serious..."
"I am always Sirius! You should know that by now. Besides, you've obviously read her stories, did you like them?.
"Ummm...."
Well, I'm waiting."
"Actually... I did."
"Were they.... like us?"
"Yes, she does seem to understand us..."
"And don't you, deep down inside, really think my sneezes are sexy too?"
"Now you're just going too far Pads...."
"Oh come on, you must've thought about it after reading about it..."
"You've really gone 'round the bend this time......"
"I don't think so my dear Moony, I think that I'm on to something and you just won't admit it."
"You know, I'd swear that I could hear you smirking."
"Sniffffffff.... sniffffff. Heh...... ehhhhhh.....HehhhhCHOOOOOOO!!!!!! ETCHOOOOOOO!!!!! EhhhYISHOOOOOO!!!!!! Excuse me ."
"Bless you."
"Now even you have got to admit, that those were very sexy sneezes."
"While I have to admit that I find just about everything about you to be sexy, carrying that to your sneezes just might be a bit too much...."
"You don't even find them a little sexy? Snifffffff. Not even the tiniest little bit?"
"Padfoot....."
"Awwww come on Moony, what's wrong with them? Too loud? Too wet? Are they gross? Should I be embarrassed? Should I go and hide myself whenever the need to sneeze arises?"
"Now, stop it, now you're being ridiculous. Only you could manage to convey a puppy dog face in pitch darkness!"
"It worked then huh? I wasn't sure the effect would come across in the dark. ESHHOOOOO! 'Scuse me, that one just snuck out. Wouldn't want to offend you with my DISGUSTING sneezes...."
"You know I don't think they're disgusting..."
"I don't know anything of the kind...."
"Of course there's' nothing wrong with your sneezes Padfoot...."
"Nothing right about them either apparently."
"You know that's not what I'm saying, I just never thought of them ...... in that way."
"Well maybe you should at least consider it, the Black ego is a very fragile thing you know......"
"Oh, I am fully aware of the fragility of the Black ego. I think that I must retract my previous statements about your sneezing."
"You do?"
"Definitely. Your sneezing is of course, the most sexy sneezing that I have ever witnessed."
"Now, you're just saying that so you can get lucky in the closet?"
"No, I'm not. Though I would like to get lucky in the closet. You're sneezing is ....kind of sexy."
"Why Remus Lupin, you actually sound shy! Are you really embarrassed about this?"
"Well, yes I am. It is very peculiar wouldn't you say? I never thought about it until I ready the bloody stories, but then there it was."
"And you really noticed before I guilted you into it?"
"I did...."
"And....."
"And, well, your sneezes, they're perfectly you, if that makes any sense. You don't try to hold them back, or smother them, you just let them go. If you have to sneeze, you just sneeze, end of story. You don't worry about how much noise you make, or if they're too loud. They're a reflection of you - wild and unrestrained, and well, I guess, very
sexy.""Moony....I ...."
"I know, it's very silly of me...."
"No, it's not. I... I don't know what to say.... except that I love you Remus J Lupin and I'm wondering how much time we have left alone in this closet?"
"Actually, the party doesn't start until she gets home from work around 6:00. Ihhhhh... ISHOOOOOOO!!!!! We have quite a bit of time. ETCHOOOOOO!!!! Excuse me."
"Bless you. Those were verrrrrry sexy sneezes. All wild and unrestrained."
"Well, you did mention that you like the uhhhhh... big ones? Was that what you said?"
"Why yes, it was thank you. By the way, why are we here an hour before the party even starts?"
"I thought we might be able to find something to do while waiting in this big dark closet....."
"Oooooh, what an excellent idea, I'm sure we can occupy ourselves somehow....."
This is written in honor of tarotgal's birthday. As a small thanks for all the fantastic fics she has written and everything she does for all of us in the community. And for becoming a great online friend and always being so helpful and supportive of my attemtps at writing SF.
This fic is written totally in dialog - I've never done that before so I hope it's ok.