Bringing Him Back
a Harry Potter story
by Tina
It was a month after the prank and Sirius was still desperately trying to regain Remus' trust and friendship. But Remus wouldn't even speak to him. He spoke to James and Peter still, but only when they spoke to him first, he seemed to Sirius to be becoming more and withdrawn. The more time that passed the more he realized what an utter idiot he was. He was beginning to fear that Remus would never let him back in.
As the full moon approached Sirius became more and more worried about Remus. He didn't want Remus to be alone for this moon, not matter what. But every time he tried to speak to him about it, Remus ignored him. Finally James decided to intervene. He too had been watching Remus with concern all month. He sent Sirius out of the dormitory on the day of the full moon so he could talk to Remus. He assured Sirius that even if Remus wouldn't allow Padfoot along, he was sure that he would allow Prongs and Wormtail to be with him for the night.
Remus however, would not even entertain the topic of conversation. Despite James' pleas and arguments Remus told him in no uncertain terms that he would be spending this moon alone. James persisted until Remus finally grew very angry and stormed out of the dormitory. Sirius and Peter who had been waiting for James in the common room quickly made their way back up to the dorm after seeing Remus rush out.
"Well?" Sirius asked hesitantly, expecting the worst.
"I'm sorry mate," James shook his head, "I really tried, now I don't think he's even speaking to me. I really am sorry Padfoot...."
Sirius just shook his head sadly, "I know Jamie, it's okay, thanks for trying...." Sirius flopped backwards onto his bed and closed his eyes wearily.
Peter and James just looked at each other neither knowing what to say. Peter finally summoned his courage and ventured, "Well, we could go down to the great hall and at least have supper with him before he goes...."
James at a loss for what to do, immediately agreed with Peter, "That sounds great Wormtail. Pads let's head down."
Sirius shook his head again, "No, you two go ahead. I'm not really very hungry. And besides Remus isn't going to want me sitting with him..."
James started to argue but realized that Sirius was probably right. At that point he figured they'd be lucky if Remus even tolerated the two of them sitting with him let alone Sirius. "Ok mate, are you sure you're alright?"
Sirius nodded and closed his eyes once again. After they left he struggled to regain his composure. He was starting to realize that things might never be right with Remus again, and that was almost more than he could endure. He was an idiot, he knew that. He hadn't realized how much Remus meant to him, not until it was too late. And he was worried about Remus as well. He was afraid for Remus being alone this moon, who knew what harm he could do to himself. He wanted, needed to do something to try and help, but he knew Remus would never allow it.
Finally, being unable to stand the inaction any longer, he grabbed James's invisibility cloak and hurried out of the dormitory. Wearing the cloak, he stood back in a corner watching his friends at supper. Remus and James he noticed were merely picking at their food while Peter shoveled his into his mouth automatically. He lurked and watched silently until Remus rose and made his way to the infirmary. Sirius took off in the other direction, out the front of the castle to make his way to the shack.
He could see Madame Pomfrey's light by the Whomping Willow on her way back to the castle when he arrived at the shack. He knew that he could not go in when Remus had refused his being there, but at least he could be nearby and listen to Remus, to make sure that he was alright.
The moon rose soon after Sirius arrived and he could hear Remus' tortured cries which quickly turned to tortured howls. It was almost unbearable to listen to Remus in such agony but he knew that he must. His heart was heavy knowing the excruciating pain that the wolf was putting Remus through, knowing that he could have helped Remus if only he hadn't ruined everything. The tears came then, running slowly down Sirius face as he sat silently through the night listening .
He heard Madame Pomfrey arrive after dawn , clucking her tongue at the seriousness of Remus' injuries before administering a pain potion and helping him back to the infirmary. But Sirius could not move.
It was morning before James realized that Sirius had been gone all night. They had returned to supper to find the curtains drawn around his bed and their attempts at conversation were met with silence. However, knowing Sirius' mood James and Peter weren't surprised and just assumed that he wanted to be left alone.
James awoke early the next morning, worried about Remus and wanting to get to the infirmary as soon as possible. He was surprised that Sirius wasn't already up and on his way down to check on him. "Hey Padfoot," He called getting up and pulling on his clothes, " Let's head down to check on Moony. Peter, you coming?"
Peter grunted and slowly pulled himself out of bed but James was surprised to not have any response from Sirius. "Come on Pads," He reached over and pulled back the hangings on his friend's bed, surprised to find it empty and clearly mot slept in.
"Damn Peter , we better get to the infirmary." The two quickly made their way, running down to the infirmary. Madame Pomfrey refused to allow them in to see Remus. "He's not well enough boys," she shook her head sadly, "He's had a very bad time, come back tomorrow."
James was becoming very concerned about Sirius. He sent Peter to check the dining hall and he followed his instinct and made his way to the shack. It was there he found Sirius sitting outside the dilapidated building , head in hands, cloak fallen from his shoulders, shivering in the cool morning air. James approached him slowly, cautiously and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay Padfoot?" He asked with concern.
Sirius slowly lifted his head, his eyes were red and swollen, his face dirty and tear stained. He shook his head and sobbed, "Oh Jamie, what have I done? What have I done to Remus, to all of us? He suffered so much... he was in agony...so much pain.........s'all my fault......" The sobs finally eclipsed the words and he again buried his face in his hands.
James was at a loss, he had never seen Sirius so vulnerable, so raw, he had never even seen him cry before. He froze for a moment, then just sat down next to his friend and wrapped his arms around him. Sirius grabbed onto James and clung to him, sobbing inconsolably. James patted his back and stroked his hair, not knowing what else to do, trying to think of what Remus might do, "It's alright Padfoot," he murmured softly over and over, "Everything will be okay. He'll be okay."
It was close to lunchtime before James, and Peter who finally found them at the shack, were able to bring a very morose Sirius back to the castle. When he had calmed enough to speak his first question had been to ask how Remus was, and the fact that he had been too bad off for them to see him caused him to withdraw totally and remain silent.
They led him back to the dorm using the cloak, knowing Sirius if he were up to caring, would not want to be seen looking the way he did. Luckily for them, it was a Saturday and the corridors were mainly empty. Again not knowing what to do James helped Sirius to bed and sent Peter on a kitchen raid to bring something for lunch.
Sirius refused to eat until almost forced to by James who knew he had had nothing since lunch the day before and not much then either. Sirius ate silently then lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. James and Peter spent most of the afternoon just watching him with worry, taking turns to run down for their own lunch, afraid to leave him alone.
"Do you think he's sick?" Peter whispered to James.
James shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno. You know Remus is the only one who would know how to help him." Peter nodded his head sadly in agreement as the two continued to stand vigil over their friend.
Sirius refused to budge for dinner, or even to take a shower when James tried to get him up. After spending some time trying and failing to come up with a plan with Peter to help their friends James went to bed disgusted. He awoke again early the next morning and after checking that Sirius and Peter were sleeping soundly he made his way to the infirmary to check on Remus.
Madame Pomfrey reluctantly let him in, "Just because it's only one of you alone Mr. Potter, and only a few minutes. He's very weak."
James nodded gratefully and thanked her as he made his way to the bed in the corner where Remus appeared to be dozing. He sat next to the bed and looked at his friend with worry, his skin was exceptionally pale even for Remus and appeared almost paper thin. Multiple bandages were visible under his pajamas, many with blood visibly soaking through. "Oh Remus," he whispered. Remus opened his eyes, smiling weakly at James. James put his hand over Remus' and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry Remus, we all are......"
Remus nodded slightly, "It's alright James." His eyes started to close and James could hear Madame Pomfrey approaching.
"Well, I should let you get some rest mate. We'll be by to visit later on."
It was with great difficulty that Remus opened his eyes. "No," he whispered, shaking his head. "Don't want any company now. I'll see you in a day or so."
James was shocked, Remus was always so cheered by their visits, no matter how badly injured he was. "Are you sure Remus?" He blurted out a little too loudly.
Remus nodded and was about to answer as Madame Pomfrey hurried over. "That's quite enough Mr Potter! This is a hospital you know." And she hurried him out the door.
James slowly made his way back to Gryffindor Tower. He opened the door as quietly as he could and slipped into the dormitory. He was greeted by Peter's frantic questions about Remus while Sirius merely opened his eyes and sat up in bed. He had spent the walk back thinking about what to say. How could he tell them, especially Sirius that Remus didn't want to see them. James himself felt as if he wanted to cry for Remus, there was no way to present it in a positive light.
He looked at his friends, "Pomfrey wouldn't let me in again. Said he needs to rest, not to come back until he's out. Do you believe that?" James tried to sound enraged. Peter was convinced and joined right in with complaining, but much to James' dismay Sirius simply closed his eyes and lay back into bed.
Over the next several days James became more and more worried about Sirius. For the first month after the Prank he had been upset and guilty, trying desperately to gain Remus' trust again, and to bring him back to the Marauders, but he had still been himself. A very subdued version of Sirius perhaps, but still Sirius. But after the moon, that had all changed drastically. He left the dormitory only for classes and for meals(only then when James and Peter dragged him.) He had trouble sleeping and was often awake for most of the night. He barely spoke to anyone, sat quietly in class and didn't even rise to Snape and the Slytherins.
Remus returned from the infirmary late on Tuesday afternoon and was back to classes on Wednesday. James had hoped that Remus' return would have some sort of a positive effect on Sirius but it did not. He avoided Remus' eyes, but watched him intently when he was looking away. He seemed to become more and more withdrawn with each passing day. James was actually more worried about him than he was Remus. And Remus pretended not to notice what was happening to Sirius, but he did. And he told himself that he didn't care, but he did.
The month was long and agonizing for all four of the boys. James and Peter struggled through trying to bridge the gap between their friends, and trying to bring both back to them as well. Sirius remained silent in his pain and guilt, wanting to reach out again to Remus but terrified of the inevitable rejection he felt would follow such an advance. And Remus fought to remain separate, afraid to open himself up to such pain again.
Remus too watched Sirius when he was looking away. He was torn between feeling angry and betrayed and with wanting to take Sirius into his arms and tell him that everything would be okay with them again. He was angry with himself for wanting to reach out to Sirius, but he couldn't help it. He missed him so much, but he refused to make himself vulnerable again, to give Sirius a chance hurt him once more.
As the second full moon following the Prank approached (they all wondered if they'd be counting time that way forever....) Sirius started to get sick. The lack of sleep, food and the stress finally took it's toll. At first, of course Remus was the only one who noticed, though he tried not to. He noticed Sirius' voice starting to become hoarse. He heard the sniffles and sneezes that Sirius was able to muffle into his arm when noone else was paying attention, and the times he sneezed freely when he thought he was alone. He heard the harsh coughs that Sirius finally let loose late at night when he though the others asleep, smothering them into his pillow.
He hated that he wanted to take care of Sirius, that he worried about how ill Sirius would become. The way Sirius hid his illness was a testament to how depressed he was. He had made no move to seek any attention or care. Normally Sirius would whine and moan the whole time he was sick, begging Remus to climb into his bed and keep him warm, sending James and Peter on numerous kitchen raids for soup, ice cream, and whatever else he thought would help him feel better, and would make a general pest of himself. But this time he remained silent.
On the morning of the moon as Remus entered the bathroom to shower he found Sirius in the midst of a violent sneezing fit. He clearly hadn't heard Remus come in as he made no move to contain the explosive sneezes. "Hetchhhhhhh!!!! HETCHOOOOOO!!!!!! Etchooooooo!!!!"
Remus stood in the doorway, hesitant to startle Sirius or to engage him in conversation. He turned to leave but froze as Sirius stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. There eyes met for a moment before both quickly looked away.
"Bless you Sirius, " Remus spoke softly, hesitantly.
"Thanks Remus." His voice was hoarse and he rubbed at his still tickling nose, stifling a sneeze.
As he was leaving the bathroom Remus spoke again, still with hesitation. "Sirius, you should take care of that cold. You don't sound well at all."
He turned back around, "I will." He paused a moment and the summoned his courage to speak again to Remus. "Remus, you take care of yourself tonight. Be careful, please." He turned quickly and fled the room before Remus could reply.
James and Peter tiptoed around their two friends all day, not knowing what to say to either of them. They were worried about both and felt helpless to help either. By that time they had noticed that Sirius was ill and with the weather being wet and stormy they wanted to be sure that he didn't spend another night out in the cold. They planned on sticking with Sirius from suppertime on, preventing him from leaving the castle. Remus was still refusing their company for his transformation, and they were very concerned as well about how much he might injure himself left alone with the wolf.
The four sat together silence eating their evening meal in the Great Hall. As Remus rose to make his way to the infirmary, Professor McGonagall called James and Peter over to the staff table. She was very concerned about the drastic changes she had seen in Sirius and Remus and wanted to discuss them with their friends. The two reluctantly headed over watching Sirius warily.
Sirius sensing their plans to contain him knew that was his moment to escape. He had already nicked James' cloak earlier in the day and had it inside his robes. He quickly made his way out of the hall and threw the cloak on before fleeing the castle. By the time James and Peter were free of McGonagall he was long gone. James wanted to follow him, but without the cloak he knew he'd never make it out of the castle.
Sirius made it to the shack before Remus and Madame Pomfrey made their way through the tunnel. Remus could smell him on his way into the shack and knew he was out there, somewhere in the rain. He felt a pang of longing, wanting to call Sirius into the shack, wanting Padfoot to keep the wolf safe and under control, but knew he could not. He also wanted Sirius warm and out of the cold and rain. He was not surprised that he was there though , he thought he had sensed him there at the last moon but hadn't been sure...
Sirius settled himself up against the side of the shack, there was really no shelter from the heavy rain and he was soon drenched and shivering. He spent another agonizing night listening to Remus' anguish and pain. The more he heard the more he withdrew into himself. The tears came again steadily and the complete despair overwhelmed him.
James and Peter were frantic with worry about both their friends, but unable to do a thing for either. They spent most of the night pacing, trying to come up with a plan. Finally both drifted off to sleep sometime before dawn.
James awoke at first light and dragged Peter out to retrieve Sirius from outside the shack. They found him soaking wet, huddled up against the side of the shack shivering violently. His eyes were almost swollen shut and his teeth were chattering so much he seemed unable to speak.
The slowly pulled him to his feet and supporting him on either side. He was so weak he was barely able to walk even with the support of James and Peter. James reached up to feel his forehead. "We're taking you to hospital mate. You're burning up."
Sirius tried to protest but found himself unable to speak. He was suddenly overcome by a sudden violent bought of sneezing. "Heh CHOOOOO!!!! Ahhhhchoooo!!!! Etchooooo!!!!!! Ehh Yishaaaa!!!!!" The sneezes quickly progressed to deep wet coughs which took his breath away. He felt dizzy and weak and struggled to keep himself upright. James and Peter exchanged worried glances as they pulled him along to the infirmary.
They finally delivered him to a very distressed Madame Pomfrey who had only just finished treating Remus' many injuries. "What is the meaning of this Mr Black, Potter and Pettigrew? You know that Mr Lupin is not....." She stopped abruptly once she got a look at Sirius. "Oh dear, bring him right here on this bed. What happened Mr Black?" Sirius lost his grip on consciousness just as they lowered him to the bed.
James and Peter initially avoided Madame Pomfrey's questions, unsure of how much information to give. "Oh for goodness sakes! I can tell he's been out in the rain and I can see that he's ill, what else can you tell me!" Reluctantly James explained Sirius withdrawal, difficulty sleeping and poor eating over the last month."How long has he been ill?"She clucked her tongue and asked as she ushered them out of the infirmary. James and Peter shrugged their shoulders.
"I dunno," James finally answered, " he's been avoiding us mostly."
"Madame Pomfrey?" Peter called from the doorway, "Will they be alright?"
"I believe they will Mr Pettigrew, after suitable time to recover. You two get some rest yourselves, and you may come back after supper this evening to see them. The two reluctantly left and headed back to the dormitory.
" A week, he's been sick for a week.." Remus said as he looked on with concern from his bed across the room as Madame Pomfrey ministered to Sirius. His heart felt pained as he saw how sick his friend was. If only he had been able to forgive him, he wouldn't be so horribly ill.
The nurse looked up to see him watching, "He'll be alright Mister Lupin, you get some rest yourself." Remus nodded silently and continued to watch her work. She scolded Sirius softly as she examined him closely."Oh, Mr Black, what have you done to yourself this time," She waved her wand and said a drying spell to combat his drenched clothing. She felt his forehead and then waved her wand once again, this time in a diagnostic spell. "Such a high fever," She clucked, "Looks like you've gotten yourself to the point of pneumonia." She shook her head and patted Sirius' arm comfortingly as he moaned slightly.
She left his bedside to retrieve several potions to treat him, as she passed Remus' bed he reached out and touched her arm, `Madame Pomfrey, " He looked up with tears in his eyes, "Will he really be alright?"
She smiled kindly at Remus, "He's very ill Remus, and he has obviously let himself get very run down. But there is no reason to think that with proper care and rest that he shouldn't make a full recovery. And Remus," She said as she gently touched his cheek, "None of this is your fault." She noticed Remus about to respond and cut him off. "Mr Black did something very wrong. I know he's sorry now and regrets it, but what he has done to himself because of his guilt is not at all your fault. Do you understand?" Remus nodded silently, feeling that it really was his fault that Sirius was so ill.
After several hours of potions and spells Sirius seemed to be resting comfortably and Remus finally allowed himself to doze. As he finally relaxed he was aware of his own pain throughout his body. The wolf had done great damage to him once again and he was covered with wounds and bruises. He smiled as Madame Pomfrey arrived with a pain and sedative potion for him. She had waited until Sirius was settled, knowing that Remus would not sleep until he knew his friend was stabilized.
"Now Mr Lupin, I trust you will get some sleep. I'll be back shortly to check in on you and Mr Black, but you should both be fine for the next few hours." Remus nodded gratefully and settled himself snugly under the covers. He watched Sirius now regular breathing and peaceful slumber as he drifted off himself, secure in the knowledge that Sirius would recover.
He awoke with a start sometime later to cries and moaning from Sirius' bed. "No! No! Moony be careful, let Padfoot come. Please!" The cries faded to whispers, "Moony, so, so sorry. Please, I love you...." Sirius was sobbing then, still sleeping but thrashing in his bed.
Remus looked around to see that Madame Pomfrey was not close at hand. He could see that Sirius was shivering with cold and was now whining, "Moooony, I'm so cold. Warm me up , please!" Remus smiled at that, at least Sirius' dreams had turned to happier times.
As the shivering grew more violent Remus knew he needed to do something. He slowly pulled himself up to sitting. Pausing a moment to allow the dizziness to pass he stood slowly and made his way across the infirmary to Sirius' bed, dragging his blanket along with him. He barely made it to the bed without collapsing from weakness, fresh blood now seeping through many of his bandages. He quickly lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed, trying not to pass out. Sirius still shivered beside him, calling his name. Remus covered him tightly with the blanket and rose to leave. But then after gazing on Sirius for just a moment, he pulled back the covers and climbed into bed beside his friend. No matter what Madame Pomfrey said, he knew that this would help Sirius' recovery more than any potion. And he knew that it would help him as well.
He snuggled up next to Sirius, brushing his damp hair back form his face speaking softly and reassuringly to him. After several minuets Sirius slowly opened his eyes, they grew wide with surprise. "Remus," He whispered, "Am I dreaming, or are you really here?"
"Shhhhhh I'm here Padfoot, get some rest."
"What happened?" Sirius struggled to remember how he had gotten to the infirmary.
"You're very sick, pneumonia Madame Pomfrey said. You were already sick and then spent the night outside the shack in the rain. You great git." Remus smiled affectionately.
"Why...." Sirius began hesitantly. "Are you here, with me? Not that I'm complaining."
"Because you needed me to keep you warm," Remus paused before continuing. "And because I needed you Padfoot. I'll always need you." His eyes filled his tears and he pulled Sirius to him. Sirius overcome with emotion held on tightly to Remus, trying to avoid any pressure on the bulky bandages he could feel against him.
They stayed huddled together until Sirius pulled back, turning away from Remus as he was overcome by a harsh bout of coughing. Remus rubbed his back and reached across to the bedside table to retrieve some water for him. Sirius struggled to sit up with Remus' assistance and gulped the water greedily. Finally composed and able to catch his breath he turned back to Remus. "You should probably go Remus." Shock and hurt clouded Remus' eyes for a moment before he continued. "I don't want you to catch this Moony, you in bad enough shape already. " He gestured guiltily to the now bloody bandages all over Remus.
A smile quickly returned to Remus' lips. "No Sirius, I need this now, and so do you. It's been too long. I don't care if I get sick. I need to be with you, to hold you."
Sirius smiled shyly back, he didn't know how exactly it happened but he had his Moony back. He felt warm and happy inside for the first time in months. He knew he needed to apologize still, Remus had never let him get the words out before. "Remus, I wanted to tell you..." He began but Remus interrupted.
"I know Padfoot. You don't have to say it. Now you need to get some rest, lie back down with me." He patted the bed and Sirius curled up beside him.
"Moony, are you ok?" Sirius asked with concern feeling again the bulky bandages, sensing Remus' pain.
"I am now, " Remus answered sleepily and Sirius smiled.
As they drifted off Madame Pomfrey made her way back in the infirmary, surprised to find Remus' bed empty, but then not at all shocked to find him curled up with Sirius Black. She knew she should wake them, scold them harshly and separate them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was the first time she had seen either of the two look peaceful and happy in two months, and she didn't want to change that.
This idea got stuck in my head and I had to write it. It kept distracting me from my mood fic. I love the idea, but I'm hoping the fic lives up to it. There's not a whole lot of sneezing though, sorry about that. Feedback is ALWAYS welcome.