The Poisoned Well
a Harry Potter story
by Superimmunegirl
"Imagine you were dying of thirst and came to a poisoned well that would make you ill if you drank. But it was the only water you had, and without it you'd perish. Well, you'd drink, wouldn't you? Anyone would."--Severus Snape
Lucius was not sure exactly when he first noticed Severus. Sixth-years did not typically take notice of first-years. But his interest was piqued over time.
At that age, Lucius was brimming with emergent sexuality. He'd had a relationship with an older boy and was now dating an eager fifth-year girl. Additionally, he had recently realized that his strange, secret interest in colds and sneezes was in fact a sexual one. He did not understand it, and would never admit it, but he knew that his desires were there to be satisfied. And there was Severus Snape, this dark, awkward young boy with the wonderfully large nose and a seemingly constant case of the sniffles. Lucius caught glimpses of him in the hallway, heard unkind whispers about him, and cautiously observed him eating in the dining hall with a fork in one hand and a handkerchief in the other. Snivellus, they called him—a name meant to be an insult, but to Lucius it was erotic. Towards the end of Snape's first year, Lucius was having intermittent fantasies about him as he pleasured himself in the shower. But he'd never spoken to him, and didn't have plans to.
One bright and sunny day that spring, Lucius was out walking near the edge of the Forbidden Forest when he saw young Severus disappearing into the trees. Lucius found himself slightly alarmed, and followed to the edge.
"Hey, Snape," Lucius called. The boy jumped and paled, looking around as if for an escape route. "Are you trying to get killed or something?" Snape's mouth worked in fear. Lucius rolled his eyes. "Not me, stupid, the forest—the Forbidden Forest? You're a bit young to be going in there alone, aren't you?"
"I'm just—I'm not going in far," he mumbled. "It's not dangerous right at the edge."
"Oh, really? What are you going in for anyway?"
The boy mumbled something in response.
"Speak up, I can't hear you."
"Some potions ingredients. Red angel toadstools, firewort…ahhhtchhishh!" The boy's mumbled response was interrupted by a sudden sneezing fit. Lucius' mouth ran dry and his pulse drummed in his groin at the sight of the slight youth being wracked with sneezes. Snape blushed furiously and took out a worn handkerchief to blow his nose with.
"Got a cold?" Lucius asked, feigning casualness. The boy nodded, ashamed. "Well, you're not going to get any healthier in the forest. If you really have to get those things, I think I'd better come with you." He strode up to Snape, exuding the golden confidence of his breeding and not the slightest sign that he was afraid. If this scrawny first-year could brave the Forbidden Forest, so could he.
The forest was really very beautiful at the sunlit edge, and nothing horrible came out of the trees to eat or enchant them. Lucius prodded the boy into conversation, and found him not entirely uninteresting—but it was Snape's constant sniffling and occasional sneezes that truly captivated him. He tried to bring the lad's illness up in conversation as much as possible without arousing suspicion.
"Seen the healer about that cold?" he ventured.
"No," the boy replied.
"Why not?"
Snape shrugged. "I can make my own Pepperup."
"Yes, but—wait, is that why you need these ingredients, to make Pepperup?"
"Some of them."
"You know, they have vats of it in the infirmary," said Lucius. Severus shrugged again. "You're afraid of healers, aren't you?"
"I'm not afraid!" he said angrily. "I just don't need them."
"All right, suit yourself. Look, there's some toadstools over there."
They continued searching until they found most of the things Severus was looking for. By then, the shadows were lengthening and Snape's cold was clearly getting worse.
"Look, why don't we find the rest some other day?" asked Lucius. "You've got what you need for the Pepperup."
"All right," Snape agreed, sounding tired. Then he stopped in his tracks. "We?" he asked, warily.
"Sure, if you want to," he said. "Do you want to?"
"Umm…sure." Happiness peeked through the boy's guarded demeanor.
"Great. The only thing is, with me being who I am and you being who you are—well, if word got out, it would reflect badly on me. You know how people are," he said, with a regretful smile. "But I really like you, and I think we could be friends anyway. We'll just keep it quiet and not tell anyone. You understand, don't you?"
Snape was silent for a moment, and in that moment Lucius was amazed at his own audacity, and certain that the boy would treat the offer with the contempt it deserved. But Severus did not.
"OK," he finally agreed. The happiness he had shown before was no longer evident.
"Great," Lucius said, impressed with himself that he had been able to get away with it. "How about Thursday afternoon?"
"All right."
"Good. I'll meet you there, by the big rock, at three." They had reached the forest's edge. "I'm off now. Good luck with the Pepperup, hope you feel better."
So began their friendship. In the borderlands of the Forbidden Forest, they walked and talked and explored. Severus seemed to accept their arrangement, and he became less wary, more open. They found they had much to talk about in the topic of the Dark Arts, and how Dumbledore was ridiculously restrictive in his treatment of the subject. Lucius shared illicit knowledge and spells he had learned from his father. Severus impressed Lucius with his extensive potions knowledge. And secretly, Lucius derived great pleasure from the boy's other attributes. It was clear that he had health problems—allergies, probably, and who knew what else—that would certainly be addressed if he'd only go to the hospital wing and ask to be treated. But he wasn't about to do it, and Lucius wasn't about to encourage him. Lucius spent their walks in a constant state of arousal. He started bringing up sexual matters in conversation. The boy said that he had kissed a neighborhood girl, but hadn't done anything more than that. When pressed, he confessed to masturbating. Lucius reassured him that all the boys did that, once they were old enough, and congratulated him on his maturity.
One day, not long into their friendship, they were basking in a patch of sun on a log, and Lucius asked Severus if he wanted to try something. Severus said all right. "Tell me if this feels good," Lucius said, and slipped his hand in between the younger boy's legs. Snape's eyes popped wide.
"What are you doing?" Severus asked, his voice cracking, and pushing Lucius' hand away.
"Just something the older boys do…it feels nicer than doing it on your own. You might be a little young, though. Let me just try it for a minute and see…there, like that. Does it feel good?" He was moving his hand slightly.
"Ummm…I don't know."
"Really? Because I think you're getting hard."
Severus blushed deeply.
"Don't be embarrassed," Lucius laughed. "Lots of boys do this. It's ok. It doesn't mean you're queer or anything." But when Severus continued to look extremely uncomfortable, Lucius withdrew his hand. "I guess you are a little young. Sorry, mate." He got up and offered Severus his hand, pulling him up. "Come on, we've still got to find a golden anthill."
The next time they met, Severus was very quiet and nervous. When they stopped to sit in the sun again, he said, "You know that thing you did last time?"
"Yes?"
"Do you…want to try it again?"
"Sure, all right," Lucius said with a smile like sunlight.
Things progressed quickly from there. Lucius fondled Severus and taught him how to return the favor. They kissed, Lucius assuring him again that it didn't mean he was queer. Severus did not climax at first, being so young, but after they returned from the summer holidays it became a regular occurrence. And through it all, their friendship was kept a complete secret.
[The following takes place in the fall of Severus' second year. There should be a transition describing what day-to-day life is like for Lucius and Severus...but there isn't. Suffice to say that Lucius continues to be popular, while Severus has no friends at all. Their relationship continues in the new school year.]
Lucius, being so interested in sneezing, had researched and found spells to cause it. Most were crude joke spells that caused massive fits, and were obvious. But he'd found one that suited his purposes…it created a fine filament of magic that he could send to tickle someone's nose until they sneezed. With this, he could provoke a single sneeze or torment his victim into fits. He could be subtle about it, tickling and backing off, leaving someone sniffling and frustrated until Lucius finally caused a sneeze. He could make someone think they were coming down with a cold by beginning slowly and increasing the tickles and sneezes throughout the day. He adored using this spell on Severus when they were exploring together. He was careful, of course, and tried not to be obvious. But his obsession ran away with him, and Severus noticed. He noticed that he was especially prone to sneezing when he was with Lucius, and that the sneezes felt similar, as if there was something actually in his nose, tickling him. He thought he detected the presence of magic.
"Are you doing that?" he once asked Lucius, after suffering a sneezing fit while he and Lucius were touching each other.
"Doing what?" Lucius asked, stiffening.
"Making me sneeze."
"Why the hell would I do that? I don't know why you're always sneezing." Severus was not so innocent that he couldn't recognize guilt when he saw it, but he dropped the matter. Afterwards, his tendency to sneeze around Lucius diminished sharply. But after a few weeks, it began to happen again. Severus considered this, and also the fact that Lucius was especially attentive and interested when Severus was sick. He could not, however, make sense of it.
It was then that Severus overheard an illuminating conversation in the Slytherin dormitory, late at night. One of the other second years had gotten hold of some pornography, and was sharing it with his friends. They were laughing and whispering over it, and Severus used an eavesdropping charm to hear.
"Wow…" one of them was saying. "Where did you get this stuff?"
"From underneath my cousin's bed," replied another. There was rustling of paper, followed by snorts of laughter.
"That is so weird…look at her tits…"
"Are they all like this?"
"No," giggled the boy who had supplied the material. "Here's another one."
"Golden Showers Fetish…what the hell does that mean?"
"A fetish is where someone gets turned on by weird things. And golden showers…" There was more rustling of pages.
"Ewwww!"
Severus felt pieces sliding into place in his mind.
The next day, he looked up all he could about fetishes. A few days later, in the Forbidden Forest, he asked Lucius.
"Do you have a fetish for sneezing?"
Lucius looked white with shock.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he barked angrily, grabbing Severus' arm painfully. "Who told you that?"
"No one told me! I just thought—I just—"
"What did you just think? What? What the hell would make you ask me something like that?"
"I don't know—I'm stupid—I thought—I don't know—" Lucius' eyes burned, and he roughly let go of Severus and continued walking. Severus, not knowing what to do, eventually followed. Soon Lucius stopped. He was silent for a long time.
"Well, I do," he finally said, staring ahead of him. "I do have a…sneezing fetish." Severus did not know what to say, so he kept silent. "It's weird, isn't it?"
"It's alright. I won't tell anyone."
"No, you won't." The threat was implied. He gave a short, humorless bark of laughter. "How did you know? How do you even know what a fetish is?"
"I just—I heard some of the other boys talking—"
"About me?!" Lucius whirled, enraged and terrified.
"No! No, about some porn they had, with girls peeing, and they said it was a fetish, and I looked it up, and I thought…well, I knew you were making me sneeze on purpose..." He trailed off, frightened.
"You did?" Lucius asked, bleakly. He looked down, ashamed. "My father would be disappointed in me."
"What do you mean?"
"He told me you can get away with just about anything if only you are subtle about it. I guess I wasn't subtle enough."
"I don't—I don't mind it."
"You don't?" Lucius asked.
"No. Really. Do you want to…tell me about it?"
Lucius looked at Severus with need in his eyes. It made Severus' heart lift.
They began walking again, and Lucius' long-bottled secrets slowly tumbled out. He told Severus everything—when he'd first felt that way, how it made him feel, how he'd secretly satisfied his desires. Once Lucius had gotten over his initial shock and embarrassment, it was a relief to tell someone and have them understand. And it seemed that Sev did understand. By the end of the walk, Lucius felt much better.
Severus listened patiently throughout the confession, relishing the thrill of being Lucius Malfoy's confidante. But at the end, he had a question of his own.
"So is that why you wanted to be friends with me? Because I sneeze a lot?"
"You figured that out, did you?" Lucius said, with a trace of sarcasm.
"Oh," said Severus, trying not to appear hurt.
"Don't look like that," he said, kissing Severus. "I like you for lots of reasons now, that was just the first thing."
"I know," he lied. He did not have the courage to ask what else Lucius saw in him.
After that encounter, Lucius wasted no time openly incorporating his odd tastes into their sex play. Severus was of two minds about it—not sharing Lucius' obsession, he was sometimes bored by the new focus. On the other hand, he liked being able to please Lucius in a way that no one else could, even Narcissa, his beautiful, pure-blooded girlfriend.
As the weather turned colder, it became more and more difficult to meet in the forest. Warming charms only went so far. They tried a few indoor locations, but after nearly being caught by Filch, Lucius decided it was an unacceptable risk.
The next time Lucius had a visit from Dobby, the family house elf, he gave him a job. "I need a place in Hogwarts to see my girlfriend, a place that is completely private. Talk to the other elves—discreetly—and find me one, a place we won't be found." When Dobby returned to tell him of the Room of Requirement, it sounded too good to be true. But he tried it, and there it was. He had Severus meet him there, and they both concentrated on a place where they could have their tryst and never be discovered. When they opened the door, they found an attractive, cozy room with a big, lush bed. The bedside tables held tissues, handkerchiefs, something they discovered was meant for lubrication, and a leather-bound volume entitled Wizards Loving Wizards. They opened the pages and their eyes widened at the detailed, moving, highly educational photographs.
The Room of Requirement became their sanctuary. In the warm safety of the bed, with the book guiding them, they learned to go beyond fondling. They progressed at Lucius' initiative, and if he sometimes pushed Severus beyond where he was ready to go, he made up for it afterwards by lavishing Severus with apologies and affection, cuddles and kisses. Such currency went a long way with Severus, and he always forgave Lucius his excesses. With no other source of affection, he had no choice.
[there should be some sort of transition here. There isn't. This is still Severus'second year, and he has turned 13.]
One day, Lucius awoke from uncomfortable dreams in which he felt like he was dying of thirst, and he drank and drank, but his throat remained dry and sore. He took a long time to come out of the dream into wakefulness. His throat and mouth were dry, and he coughed and swallowed painfully. He sat up and realized his head hurt and his nose was stuffed up and runny. He felt terrible. He was sick.
He recalled the night before last, when Severus had sneezed and sniffled pitifully from his latest cold while Lucius rubbed against him and begged him not to take Pepperup just yet. And now Lucius found himself in the same condition. "The little twit finally got to me," he thought to himself, feeling a combination of chagrin and arousal. A couple of times before, he'd found himself developing a scratchy throat after an encounter with Sev, but had taken Pepperup to avoid becoming ill. This time, however, he'd had no warning and developed a full-blown head cold overnight. He felt himself start to stiffen as an irresistible tickle built in his nose. Fighting the urge to sneeze, he reached outside his bed curtains and fumbled in his drawers for a handkerchief. He found one and sneezed repeatedly into it. "Atchhhrshh! Atchhhhoo! Atchthchhishh! Ah…TCHOOO!" Then he blew his nose.
"Geez…got a cold, Lucius?" one of his dorm mates asked.
"What do you think?" he asked sarcastically, wiping his nose.
"Well, go on and get some Pepperup, before you get us all sick!" he said.
"I'm going," Lucius said, getting out of bed, and beginning to get dressed. His progress was slowed by a general lack of energy as well as a frequent need to wipe his nose, but he made it out of there in decent time. On his way out he passed the second years, and was glad to see Severus getting dressed. Lucius took the time to slow down, as if he were about to sneeze…he did not currently have the urge, so he did his sneezing spell on himself. This generally produced a single sneeze, but with his cold, he instead exploded into a fit. Then he rubbed his finger under his nose very deliberately, for that was their signal. And he left, turning not towards the Hospital Wing, but to the Room of Requirement. Severus, understanding, followed.
"You little bastard, you got me sick," said Lucius, grabbing Severus as soon as he walked in the door. He kissed his lover rather roughly.
"You're the one who always wants to do it when I've got a cold," Sev defended himself, but he knew Lucius wasn't serious.
"It's still your fault, you gave it to me," he said, swiping roughly at his nose. "And I'm going to get you back for it." He picked the younger boy up in his arms and deposited him on the bed. "Strip," he commanded, while he began to remove his own clothes. Severus obeyed, and Lucius thought he detected an eagerness in his movements.
"Ehh..eh…Etchooooo!" Lucius sneezed freely, practically doubling over. His long silver-blond hair swung into his face. "Ohhh, I am definitely going to get you for this," he said, blowing his nose. He got the last of his clothes off and got on top of Severus, pulling the covers over them. He locked his mouth onto Severus and moved on top of him, their genitals rubbing pleasantly together. They looked into each other's eyes as their breath started coming in gasps.
"You know what I'm going to do?" asked Lucius. Severus didn't. "I'm going to do it to you. All the way." There was a flicker of fear in the boy's eyes. They'd played with the edge of penetration, and with fingers, but never really done…it.
"Don't worry, I'll be careful," Lucius said, kissing Sev.
"Wipe your nose," said Sev, pulling away.
"You're one to talk," Lucius laughed, pulling a tissue to take care of the problem. "There, is that better?" He kissed Sev and reached down to touch him just so. Once Lucius had gotten him aroused, he gently turned Severus over. The boy shivered, lying prone on the bed.
"Lucius…you don't think we could…work up to it a little more?"
"I think we've done enough of that, Sev," he said with a kiss. "No, today's the day."
Lucius performed the spell they'd tried before, from the book, that cleaned the insides so that nothing offensive would be encountered. Then he poured lubricant into his hand and worked it over himself, then Severus' opening.
"If it hurts, you'll stop, right?" asked Severus.
"Of course."
At first, Lucius was very slow and very careful. He kept asking Sev if he was all right, if it hurt, if it felt good. And Severus was all right, and it did hurt some, but it felt good too. But then, at a certain point, Lucius stopped asking so much. He was so intensely aroused, doing this to Severus while sniffling from the miserable head cold he'd caught from the boy, it felt so fucking good, and it was taking so long, and although he still wasn't in very far, he started moving harder and faster because he was so deliciously close…
"Ow…Lu-Lucius…it hurts…Lucius, you're hurting me, stop, stop!" Severus cried. And then Lucius groaned and came inside Severus with one final thrust.
He lay collapsed over the thirteen year old boy he'd just deflowered. He was panting and sweating.
"Oh, Sev…oh, Merlin, Sev…oh, that was so good. I was too rough, wasn't I? It was so good, I just got carried away, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" The boy was pale and shaking, and Lucius covered him in gentle kisses. "I'm such a brute, I hurt you, didn't I? Oh, my poor little Sev, you're not bleeding are you?" he asked, inspecting his lover. "No…I think you're all right. Forgive me, Sev, forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you…" Lucius held the boy and kissed him lovingly. Slowly the sick feeling of shock in Sev's stomach lessened. He didn't mean it, he told himself. He just got carried away. He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it.
"We've got to get back," Lucius finally said, sitting up and blowing his nose. "I've got to get some Pepperup and get rid of this cold you gave me. And we can't both be seen missing breakfast." He did a spell to clean himself up, then got up and got dressed. Then he kissed Severus, who had not yet gotten up, and smoothed his hair. "That was really good. I promise I'll be more careful next time." And then he left.
In the days that followed, Severus tried to shake the trembling, sick feeling he was left with. He tried to concentrate on his schoolwork, but couldn't. He reprimanded himself every time he thought about the incident or felt something about it. It was nothing, it was no big deal, he repeated firmly, Eventually, he made his mind believe it, but his body was not so easily fooled. In subsequent encounters with Lucius, he was oddly tense and unable to get aroused. Although Sev could still pleasure Lucius, the older boy was nonetheless dissatisfied. He liked getting a response from Severus.
"I know what's wrong," Lucius sighed, as if dealing with a recalcitrant child.
"You do?" Severus asked, because he didn't.
"Yes, I do. I hurt you a little bit that one time, and now you're making me pay for it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Severus said uncomfortably.
"Yes you do. Well, I suppose we can just cuddle until you come out of your snit."
"I'm not in a snit!"
"I don't know what else to call it, Sev. Now come here." True to his word, Lucius spent the next several of their meetings simply holding Severus and talking with him. They talked about all kinds of things, and Lucius really seemed to listen. It made Severus' feel…well, special. Eventually, almost against his will, he began to respond again. Lucius cupped Severus' newly stirring erection and whispered very quietly that he loved him. It made Severus feel both uncomfortable and wonderful. Things pretty much went back to normal after that.
[Again, should be a transition. A few details: The torment Severus endures at school is getting worse, and so are his illnesses. Lucius masters a sleep charm that keeps the other students in the dormitory asleep when he wakes Severus for an excursion to the Room of Requirement. He has used it at the beginning of this section... ]
Lucius approached Severus' bed in silence, and quietly parted the curtains. Inside, he was surprised to find Severus awake…and crying. The boy started and wiped his tears away quickly.
"Hey, Sev…what's wrong?" asked Lucius, taken aback. He'd never seen Sev cry before.
"Nothing," the boy replied, ashamed and looking away.
"Don't be stupid, of course something's wrong, you're crying." Lucius crawled inside and pulled the curtains tight. "Did you have a bad dream or something?"
"No," Severus said, in a small voice. He sniffled. He looked heartbreakingly vulnerable. "My ear hurts."
"You've got an earache?" Lucius asked, and Severus nodded. "Bad one?"
Severus nodded again, and tears spilled down his face.
"Poor little Sev," said Lucius, gathering the younger boy to his chest. Sev wrapped his arms around Lucius, seeking comfort. Lucius stroked him and kissed the top of his head, which felt unhealthily warm. "You've always got a potion for when you get sick. Don't you have anything for an earache?"
"No," he said, a trace of a whimper in his voice. "And the potions workroom is locked, and—and—you have to have doxy toxin, and they don't have it and I don't know how to get any," he snuffled.
Lucius held Severus closely, rocking the feverish youth gently in his arms. "Well then," Lucius said, trying not to sound as reluctant as he felt—the boy was so perfect as he was and the healers could ruin everything—"I guess you'd better go to the infirmary."
"I don't want to," said Severus.
"I know, Sev, but you're really sick."
"No," he said, clinging to Lucius more tightly.
Lucius sighed, fighting against his own reluctance. "You have to go. Come on, you'll feel better, I promise." He pulled Severus out of his bed and onto his feet. Looking miserable and pale, Sev took a few unsteady steps forward. He seemed to be leaning to the left, and then he stumbled. Lucius quickly caught him around the waist. Something was really wrong, Lucius realized, beginning to be a little scared. "All right," he said. "I guess…I guess I'd better walk you there." No one will see, Lucius told himself as he took off his robe and wrapped it around the shivering boy. Anyway, he was a prefect, it was sort of his job. No one would suspect anything. He guided Sev into the hallway with a steadying arm around his shoulders. And if someone did suspect…well, he would think of something.
"Well, hello, what's got you up in the middle of the night?" asked Madam Pomfrey. She was the pretty new healer who worked nights; she was to take over the Hospital Wing next year when Barney Hippocrustus retired.
"He's sick. He's got an earache," said Lucius, trying not to sound concerned.
"Oh, dear. Well, let's take a look at you," she said, guiding Severus over to an exam room. "If you don't mind waiting a few minutes, Mr. Malfoy? Hopefully this won't take too long, and I'd feel better sending him back with you."
"All right," Lucius said, secretly quite glad of the request. He couldn't help it; he wanted to know what was wrong with Severus. He sat in the waiting room for what was considerably more than a few minutes. He was cold without his robe, and shivered. If not for that he would have nodded off. Finally Madam Pomfrey emerged.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting."
"What's wrong with him?" Lucius asked, trying to keep his voice casual.
"A very nasty ear and sinus infection, to begin with. I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep him overnight. Tell me, do you know Mr. Snape well?"
"No, not at all. I just woke up and found him crying in the common room, and so I brought him here."
"Has he seemed ill to you before? A lot of colds, sneezing, that sort of thing?"
Lucius knew she was onto Severus, and wanted to tell her no to throw her off the scent—but it would be easy for her to find out that he'd lied, and if she did, how could he possibly explain himself?
"Yes, he's always sick," Lucius said. "His nose is always running. The other kids call him Snivellus…they're not very nice to him," he added.
"I see. Well, thank you for confirming my suspicions. Mr. Snape has just got through telling me that he doesn't have any problems of the sort. I suspected he was not being truthful." She sighed. "Well, I'll have to have another word with him. You've done a good deed tonight, Mr. Malfoy; I'm not sure he would have come in if you hadn't brought him."
"It was nothing. Anyone else would have done the same." A Malfoy always pretended to be magnanimous.
"I'm not sure they would have. That young man should have been sent here a long time ago. Now, go on and get some sleep."
Severus sat on the exam table, frightened and sick, clutching the blanket that the healer had wrapped around his shoulders to stop his shivering. He wished Lucius could stay with him. Madam Pomfrey soon re-entered.
"I've sent Mr. Malfoy back to the dormitory," she said. "He tells me that you do have chronic colds and congestion."
Severus looked down at his hands.
"Is there any particular reason you weren't honest with me?"
Severus did not look up or respond. He didn't really know why—it was more of a reflex than anything else. Don't let anyone know what's wrong—he'd lived by that creed all his life.
"Severus, look at me," she said gently, tipping up his chin with her finger. "Lots of people are nervous about healers, and shy about being sick. But if you're going to get better, I'll need you to be brave and tell me the truth about what's wrong. I promise I can help you if you let me. All right?" Severus reluctantly nodded, and with a little more prodding, the truth came out. His headaches, the constant runny nose and sneezing, his frequent colds, his attempts at self-medicating that were growing less and less effective—he told her everything.
Madam Pomfrey thanked him for his honesty. More examinations followed, and she diagnosed chronic sinus infection due to a structural anomaly that kept his sinuses from draining properly and which was exacerbated by allergies. All of which, she assured him, she could cure over the next couple of days. She then dosed him with spells and potions to treat the infection and ease his pain, and at last tucked him snugly into bed. Exhausted, he fell asleep.
Severus spent the next two days in the hospital wing. His infection was gone by the first morning, but his allergies required repeated, carefully timed doses of potion and delicate spells. Once those were finished, Madam Pomfrey would perform minor surgery to fix the problem with his sinuses. When it was all over, she promised, he would be healthier than he'd been in years—perhaps healthier than he'd ever been.
During his hospital stay, Severus felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He'd worked so hard for so long to hide the fact that anything was wrong, but now that the truth was out, he wondered why he'd been so reluctant to let anyone know. Instead of the world coming to an end, they'd helped him. Indeed, his time in the hospital wing was some of the happiest that he'd spent at Hogwarts. Hippocrustus was kind of nice, and Madam Pomfrey was really sweet to him. He got to read all day and he could have whatever he wanted to eat. Best of all, there were no crowds of students taunting him. He did feel a little jealous when a third-year was admitted and quickly inundated with gifts from home and so many visitors that Hippocrustus had to turn them away. Except for resentful classmates who were assigned to bring him his homework, no one came to see Severus at all. Not that he expected it. He comforted himself by wrapping Lucius' robe around him, breathing in his scent, and remembering how Lucius had walked all the way to the hospital wing with his arm draped protectively around Severus' shoulder. Out in the open! And his heart swelled with joy when he received an owl with several expensive books and a note that read,
Dear Sev,
Sorry to hear you're sick. Be a good boy and do everything the healers tell you. Get well soon.
Love,
Uncle L.It didn't matter that he only got one get-well present. It was from Lucius, and it was enough.
The day after taking Severus to the hospital wing, Lucius' last class was Potions. Upon sighting him, Professor Slughorn broke into a smile and clapped him on the back.
"Madam Pomfrey told me about your good deed last night, taking young Severus to the infirmary. Very decent of you."
"It was nothing," Lucius said, wincing inwardly. He had no wish for it to be public knowledge.
"Nonsense, nonsense, don't be modest! Ten points to Slytherin."
Lucius took his seat, and had to answer the questions of his classmates. "I woke up and found him in the common room, and he obviously needed to go to the infirmary, so…well I didn't want to take him, of course, but he was really sick. I couldn't just leave him there."
"I would have," snorted his benchmate. "He's such a repulsive little half-blood."
"Oh, very nice," snapped a pretty, popular classmate, who was half-blood too. "I think it was sweet of you, Lucius. Poor little kid."
Since everything Lucius Malfoy did was news, by the end of the day, everyone knew about it. A few of his fellow snobs made disparaging comments, and others, mostly girls who fancied him, took it as evidence of a tender heart underneath his haughty exterior. Narcissa, his girlfriend, was one of the ones who disapproved. As much as he could, Lucius tried to play up his nobility while at the same time making it clear that he disliked Severus as much as the next student. It was stressful. He thought of the note he'd sent with Severus' present and regretted it. If anyone guessed, if anyone even suspected they were friends…it did not bear thinking about.
When Sev returned from his stay in the hospital wing, he found Lucius joking with his friends in the Slytherin common room. Lucius ignored him as usual and kept talking. Severus would never think of approaching him or talking to him normally, but this time he had a good reason. Severus walked up to Lucius and held a bundle out to him.
"Umm…here's your robe back," he said.
Lucius turned his head, and looked at Severus as though he was something he'd scraped off his shoe. The contempt in his eyes was so forceful that Severus flinched.
"Keep it," Lucius said, with his lip curled in disgust. Then he turned back to his friends.
"Thanks," Severus replied in a small voice, crushed. They ignored him. He turned around and walked back to the second year dorm. As he was leaving, he heard Lucius say something in a low voice, and they all burst into cruel laughter.
Severus laid his things on his bed and fought hard to keep from crying. He was good at it, from so much practice, but he hurt so deeply that tears threatened to overwhelm him. He thought about putting a silencing charm around his bed and pulling the curtains tight, but what if it didn't work? How would he know? There were other kids all around him. He slowly walked out of the dorm and told himself, five minutes, you can cry in five minutes, you can make it. He walked faster and faster until he finally arrived at the Room of Requirement, where he and Lucius had spent so many hours. The door opened for him, into a room not unlike that which they had used for their trysts. The sex items were gone, although the tissues remained, and on the bed was a teddy bear like the one he'd had when he was little. Severus finally let himself burst into tears, and he threw himself down on the bed. He became wracked with sobs, such as he hadn't cried in years. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he sobbed into the pillow, punching it with his fists. Why had he done it? Why had he approached Lucius? He'd just thought that it would be natural, casual—here's your robe back. Everyone knew that Lucius had taken him to the infirmary—but maybe they didn't know about the robe, and why, why, WHY did he have to give it back in front of everybody?
Because you wanted them to know, he lashed at himself. You wanted them to know that Lucius Malfoy had been nice to you. That was it, wasn't it? And now look what you've done! You ALWAYS do the wrong thing. Now he probably won't be friends with you at all!
But he took me to the healer, Severus thought. He had his arm around me the whole way there, in public! Yes, it was the middle of the night, but still, someone could have seen, didn't that mean something? And all Severus had done was try to give him his robe back…was that really so unreasonable? Was he really so repulsive?
Of course you are, he tormented himself, bringing on a fresh flood of tears. You're completely repulsive, everybody hates you, and they always will.
But why? What was so bad about him? Why couldn't he have any friends? Why did Lucius have to hurt him like that? It wouldn't kill him to be just a little nice to him in public; he was Lucius Malfoy, he could do whatever he wanted! If he said people should be nice to Severus, they'd listen! They'd stop calling him Snivellus, they'd stop hating him…all he'd have to do was say something and Severus wouldn't have to suffer torment every miserable day of his life at Hogwarts.
From his sea of misery, rage started to rise. Severus pictured the look on Malfoy's face as he said, "Keep it"…and he was suddenly filled with a desire to hurt Lucius, badly. He imagined all manner of violent punishments…he'd rip out that golden princely hair, slam his face into the stone dungeon floor until it was nothing but a bloody pulp…he imagined all kinds of hexes to transform that stuck up, two-faced bastard into something more loathsome than Severus…no one would like him anymore, no one would want to be his friend.
Satisfying as these thoughts were, he knew he could never win in any kind of fight with Lucius. But there were other things he could do…he could tell. Severus was not a fool; Lucius kept saying what they did didn't make them queer, but Severus knew it probably did. Lucius just didn't want anyone to know about it, or about his weird sneezing thing. He also didn't want anyone knowing that he was doing things to a thirteen year-old boy. It was illegal— Severus knew, he had looked it up. He could get Lucius arrested, dragged off in chains, and everyone would be watching and they'd know why. They'd know what Lucius really was.
But then what good would that do? Severus asked himself, rage dissolving into misery again. No one would take his word against Lucius', and even if they did, Lucius would find a way out of trouble and Severus would be more loathed than ever. There was no point in telling, there was no point in anything.
He went on like that for hours, crying into the pillow and alternating between rage and grief. He was missing classes, but he didn't care. He had never skipped class before. Would they notice? Would they come looking for him? Well, he was never coming out. There was no food—he and Lucius had never been able to make the Room produce it. Maybe he'd starve to death in here; that would serve them right. He alternated between imagining their distress when they found him dead—"Oh, why weren't we nicer to him?!!"—and imagining that they declared a school holiday to celebrate being rid of him. Or, more likely, he thought, no one would notice that he was gone at all. He pricked at his heart with these images, rubbing salt in the wound, until he became completely exhausted from crying. And then, although it was the middle of the day, he cried himself to sleep, clutching the stupid teddy bear to his chest.
He awoke, and he didn't know how late it was. The Room apparently had not thought that he Required a clock. He had to pee, and although there was no bathroom, there was, thankfully, a chamber pot. But there was still no food, even though he was now very hungry, and it was dull in that room. There was nothing for him to do, not even quill and parchment to write with. He managed to doze off again, and woke up again with a growling stomach. Well, he didn't care. Maybe he would starve, he was just not coming out. They'd have to find him and drag him out.
But his resolve wavered as the minutes ticked by. He finally decided that he would wait until everyone had gone to sleep, and then go down to the kitchens and get some food and come back. Maybe he could even get something to do. Maybe he could live for the rest of his life like that. He decided to just look outside every once in a while to get an idea of how late it was. At first, he could see that it was dark, but could also hear students' voices in the hall. He kept checking, and eventually all was quiet. He waited a bit longer just to be safe, and then departed his sanctuary and made his way to the kitchens. He was dizzy with hunger by this time. He found a leftover chicken and tore off a drumstick. Just as it was at his lips he saw a flash of malevolent yellow eyes. Mrs. Norris, Filch's horrid cat, leapt out of one of the cupboards and dashed into the hall.
"No!" Severus cried, pointlessly. Sure enough, a moment later, Filch appeared.
"Aha, I've caught you, you thieving little rat!" he said, with Mrs. Norris snaking her way between his ankles. He seized Severus by the wrist and dragged him into the hall. "We'll see what the Headmaster has to say to you, won't we? I told him, I said, their stomachs always give them away."
After a brief journey that felt like a death march, Severus found himself in front of the Headmaster.
"Thank you, Argus, I will take it from here," said Dumbledore, and Filch left with an evil leer. "I must apologize. Our caretaker is sometimes… overzealous in his duties," he said with a merry twinkle in his blue eyes. "Severus Snape, is it not? I apologize also that we have not formally met before. It is an unfortunate truth that I meet most of my students in stressful circumstances such as these. But I am nonetheless glad to make your acquaintance. Now then, I assume you were in the kitchens because you were hungry? Did you get anything to eat?"
"N-no."
"Well, let's get you something right now." He waved his wand and a small banquet appeared in front of him. "Please, eat…and while you're at it, perhaps you will let me know where you've been all day long? You've had us quite worried."
Severus felt an odd mix of fear and gratification that his absence had been noticed. "How did you…how did you know I was gone?"
"We almost didn't. Your professors assumed you were still in the hospital wing. Professor Slughorn sent Jonathan Vane to bring you your homework, and it was discovered that you'd been released that morning, but hadn't been in classes all day. We looked for you, but our spells failed to find you, which was most distressing. Now, I repeat, where were you?"
"I was just here…at Hogwarts."
"Yes, I suspected as much…but can you be more precise?"
Severus shook his head. "Just…some room I found. On the seventh floor."
"I see. And is there something that prevented you from attending your classes today?"
"No…I just…didn't feel like going."
"Were you still feeling ill?"
"Yes," he lied.
"And why did you not simply rest in the dormitory?"
"Because I hate it there," he blurted out. He felt dangerously close to tears again.
"And why is that, my boy?"
"Because…nobody there likes me." He immediately regretted saying it, because Dumbledore's eyes grew misty and sad, pitying him. Don't cry, Severus told himself, he wants you to cry, don't give him the satisfaction.
"I know that feeling, my boy," the Headmaster said. "Yes, I was once your age too, and I was not of the popular set. I was always very odd, and I never quite fit in." He sighed wearily. "All I can say is that this will pass. You will find your friends, believe me. Is there anyone in particular who has been treating you unkindly?"
Lucius Malfoy, he wanted to shout, Lucius Malfoy's been bullying me, he's the worst one, and he does things to me when we're alone, terrible things... "No…it's everyone," he mumbled instead.
"I see," Dumbledore continued, voice heavy with sympathy. Severus wanted to hex him, and he wanted to fall into the old man's arms and cry. "Well, I'll have a word with Professor Slughorn about it. Don't worry," he said, when Severus looked panicked. "We're not going to make a public announcement, but there may be something we can do. But please, you haven't touched your food. I must insist that you eat something. You've been ill, and you need your nourishment."
Severus obeyed, although his mouth was as dry as sawdust. But once he got a few morsels in him, his appetite finally responded, and Dumbledore nodded approvingly.
When Severus had eaten all he could, Dumbledore rose.
"Well, you've had a very long day," he said to Severus. "I think it's high time you were in bed. I'll walk you back to the dormitory myself."
Severus got up and let Dumbledore guide him back. He realized he was absolutely exhausted. Dumbledore put his hand on Severus' shoulder, and Severus was reminded of Lucius. Severus thought that Dumbledore would never be mean to him or be ashamed to talk to him in public. But then again, he could never be Severus' friend, either.
"Here we are," said the old wizard, once they had reached the Slytherin dormitory. "Now, I want you to go straight to bed and sleep as long as you need to. It's all right if you miss your first class." He looked at Severus with gentle concern. "You may have noticed that I am not punishing you for skipping classes. I believe that you've just had a difficult day and I'm willing to overlook it this once. In the future, if you are having difficulties, I want you to confide in one of your professors instead of just disappearing. Professor Slughorn will do all he can to help you, as will I. If you ever need to talk to me, just come to my door. You are always welcome. Are we agreed?"
"Yes, sir," he agreed, the meaningless sort of agreement one makes when one has no choice.
"Good. Now go and get some sleep."
Severus obeyed. He entered the dormitory of snoring students and crawled into his bed, bone-tired and wanting to forget that the day had ever happened. He pulled the covers around him and began to fall asleep. Soon, however, he was brought back to wakefulness by footsteps and the familiar sound of Lucius at his bed.
"Hey," said Lucius, softly. "You alright?"His soft, concerned voice seemed to reach past Severus' anger and suddenly Sev wanted to go to Lucius and be held. Please, please love me again, said a desperate voice in Severus' heart. I'll forgive you anything if you are only nice to me again. But his insides were still singing with betrayal.
"Yeah," Severus finally answered Lucius.
"Good," said Lucius, slipping into bed next to him. "I was worried."
Severus did his best to snort derisively, but it sort of came out as a sniffle.
"I was. Were you in the Room of Requirement?"
"Yes."
"I thought so. I figured you were probably just sulking. I tried to go in but it wouldn't let me."
"I wasn't sulking," he said, but his voice broke.
"Yes you were. Look, Sev, I didn't want to hurt you like that. But you went against our agreement. You can't talk to me in public, you just can't." He sighed wearily. It sounded put-on. "You have no idea what I've been through, just for taking you to the infirmary. They were at me all day. You could have ruined me, Sev," he said, sternly. "Is that how you want to thank me for all the kindness I've shown you? I've been good to you. I've been your best friend when no one else will even talk to you. I've given you presents, taught you spells, put myself at risk because I care about you. And then you go and do that to me. Do you want me to be like you, Sev, and have no friends at all?"
"I'm…I'm sorry," Severus whispered, more because he couldn't take it any more than because he felt he'd done anything wrong. He was so exhausted, so confused and still so hurt…he just wanted everything to be all right again. Tears were beginning to fall.
"Oh, don't cry, I forgive you," Lucius said, taking Sev into his arms. His voice was full of beneficence. He stroked Sev's hair soothingly. "How could I stay mad at you, you know how I feel about you."
Severus just let himself be held and stroked. Part of him responded to Lucius and felt warm and safe again, forgiven. But inside him was a cold knot of anger and betrayal that would not be soothed away. Overall, though, he was simply so exhausted he couldn't think. When Lucius' kisses grew heated, and he guided Sev's hand to his groin, Sev pulled it back, curled up to his chest.
"I'm so tired, Lu…" he said.
"Of course you are," Lucius replied, concealing his disappointment. "You've just gotten out of hospital. I'll let you sleep, and we'll talk more tomorrow." He gave Severus the most tender, heart-melting kiss he could give. Then he tucked the covers around Severus. "Good night, Sev." And he began to leave. As he did, Severus called to him, half asleep.
"Lucius?"
"Yes?"
"They say I'm not going to be sick all the time any more."
"Yes," he sighed, "I figured as much."
"Do you still…will you…"
"Will I still want to be your friend?" he asked. "Sure I will. I told you, I like you for more than that. Anyway, you'll still catch cold sometimes, and I can still make you sneeze. It won't be like it was, but it will still be fun." And with that, he left.
The next morning, Severus awoke with the other boys, as hard as he tried to sleep through the noise. He hid inside his closed curtains until they had all left for breakfast, so he could get dressed in peace. But as he was pulling his robes over his head, Jonathan Vane came back in.
"So you turned up," said Jonathan, collecting a forgotten book.
"Yes," Severus mumbled.
"Where were you?"
"Just…some room I found. Just didn't want to go to class."
"I don't blame you. I hate classes. The teachers are idiots and the students are all pricks. I can't stand any of them. I'd like to see them all at the bottom of the lake."
"Yeah. Me too," agreed Severus, a little shocked by the strong words, but willing to go along with it.
"So do you want to study together sometime?" asked Jonathan.
"Together?"
"Yeah, I could tell you what you've missed, and you're good at potions, so maybe you could help me with some stuff."
"Yeah, ok," Severus said.
They walked to breakfast together.
After his time in the hospital wing, Severus' life changed in many small ways. No longer chronically ill, no longer spending so much time brewing remedies and searching for ingredients, his grades improved and he rose almost to the top of his class. He hoped that since his congestion and runny nose were cured, the other kids would stop calling him Snivellus. But they did not. The nickname would persist throughout his days at Hogwarts.
His social life changed too. Over the last couple of months of the school year, he became friends with Jonathan Vane. Hostile and sullen, Jonathan bonded with Severus over their hatred of everyone else and their desire to hurt those who tormented them. Having an ally made life much more tolerable for Severus, although he spent more time in detention for hexing his classmates.
His relationship with Lucius was a different story. Severus at first behaved as if nothing had happened, but there was something harder, colder about him. Lucius noticed this, and he didn't like it. He thought it had something to do with Sev's new friend. One day, as they relaxed in a sunlit field at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, Lucius voiced his disapproval. Severus reacted strongly.
"Oh, it's not enough that I'm not allowed to talk to you in public?" he spat angrily. He'd never expressed direct anger to Lucius before. "I'm not allowed to be friends with anyone else either?"
"I didn't say that, you idiot, and you know it. I just don't think he's good for you. He's getting you in trouble."
"I don't care."
"Well, I do," Lucius said softly. This led to making love, and as Lucius coaxed sneeze after sneeze from his young lover, he thought that Severus was still his.
Afterwards, Severus was quiet, thoughtful. Unreachable. He took his wand and made a sparrow fly in circles until it fell to the ground, disoriented. When it recovered, he'd do it again.
"How come you never told me to go to the healer?" he suddenly asked Lucius.
"I took you to the healer."
"Before that. You know what I mean."
Lucius supposed he did. "Would you have gone?"
"Yes. If you told me to."
"Well, it wasn't exactly in my best interests, then, was it?" he said, lightly. He knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say. Severus seemed to grow colder. Then he flicked his wand and made the sparrow fly straight into a pond at the far edge of the field. It did not emerge. Severus got up and walked in the direction of the school. At the edge of the field, he stopped and looked back.
"Well, are you coming?" he asked.
"Yeah," said Lucius, unnerved. He got up and followed.
But there was little time for Lucius to ponder the changes in his friend. The school year was drawing to a close, and Lucius studied night and day for his N.E.W.T.s. There was rushing and stress and sleepless nights—and suddenly the exam was over. Lucius' days at Hogwarts were very nearly at an end.
On his last night there, the night before his graduation, Lucius walked with Severus once again, under a starlit sky. They talked about Lucius' N.E.W.T.s, and his future.
"Once we're back from France, I'll start managing the family money with my father," Lucius said.
"What do you have to manage? Don't you just sort of…have it? And spend it?" asked Sev.
"No, not if you want to keep it and get more. It's complicated, Sev."
"I wouldn't understand, would I?" he said with a trace of nastiness.
"Not without me explaining it to you, and it's boring, so I'd rather not." They fell silent for a while. Sev watched Lucius look up at the sky and the dark emptiness between the stars.
"Are you going to marry Narcissa?" Sev asked, finally.
"Eventually, I guess. It seems kind of inevitable. She's the only girl who's as rich, good-looking and pure-blooded as I am." He was being absolutely serious, with no trace of irony or self-mocking. "Anyway, I love her."
"You do?"
"Yes. So, you want to come over to my house during the summer?"
Severus' heart leapt. Despite all that had happened, despite his bitterness, Lucius could still fill him with joy with a word.
"You want me to?" he asked.
"Sure. I mean, you know, secretly. I could send you an owl, and you could Floo over."
Severus' heart sank.
"Well, I guess I can't," said Severus.
"What do you mean?"
"We don't…we don't have it at my house."
"Don't have what?"
"The Floo network."
"What, are your fireplaces being fixed?"
"No…we just don't have them connected…mum says it's too much money."
"Sev, it's a basic service, how can you not afford it? I've never even heard of such a thing."
"Well, you don't get out much, do you? We're not the only ones. Lots of people don't have it," he said, defensively.
"In Bangladesh, maybe. Not here," he said. He sighed. "Well, I'll take care of it."
"You'll—what?"
"I'll take care of it. It will be done by the time I get back from France. Just in your room, and obviously you can't tell anyone. You do have a fireplace, don't you?"
"Yes."
"Good." He shook his head with a smile. "The things I do for you, Sev." He kissed Severus under the moonlight.
And so they continued their relationship.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters nor do I make money from them.