Three In A Tub
a Richard "Roxy" Roxburgh story
by Raven
His car was in the drive, but at first she thought he’d probably taken the dog out for a walk. Usually she was met at the door by one, and occasionally both of them. Usually by a rather small, furry rocket, nearly bursting with the furious desire to smother her in kisses, but now and then she was also met by a somewhat larger and distinctly less furry bipedal. Though not generally quite as energetically enthusiastic, the latter was rather better at the kissing bit. But today neither furry nor good kisser, nor any sign of them was anywhere in sight. Ah well, it would give her a chance to wash the make-up off of her face so she could stop looking like a garish prostitute. Rehearsals themselves were actually going surprisingly well, but she wasn’t exactly thrilled with the make-up artist. And she used the term artist very loosely, in her opinion the woman would have been more suited to cirque de soleil or perhaps a face painting booth at a children’s carnival. True, stage make-up had to be a bit more dramatic than one would usually wear in order for it to be noticeable and normal looking from the audience, but this was just ridiculous. Yes, she decided, glancing at the mirror over the kitchen sink on her way to the stairs, something was definitely going to have to be done about that woman and her over zealous eye shadow.
“I look like an inexperienced drag queen who had their five year old niece do their make-up for them...” She muttered, unceremoniously depositing her rucksack on the sofa and heading upstairs for the bathroom. But she stopped on the bottom landing and frowned. The shower was already running, she could hear the rush of water and the occasional rumble and clank of the house’s vintage plumbing system complaining. She made a mental note to pester Rox to finally get around to calling his cousin the plumber and headed up stairs. The shower explained the distinct shortage of Roxy downstairs anyway, but there was still the question of where Booze was.
Leave it to an Australian with a strongly Irish heritage to bestow their dog with a slang name for alcohol. More over leave it to Rox to make his full name, or so he claimed, she’d never actually seen the official papers, Booze Hound McPoocherson (The Third). He wasn’t really the third of the name, he was the first, he just happened to have landed himself with an owner who had a habit of being whimsical. He had apparently ended up with the name as a result of Rox’s inability to resist witty use of words and thus a basset hound puppy who had early on in his life attempted to get into a case of beer had earned the clever (or not so, depending on your tastes) name of Booze Hound. She suspected he also just liked being able to get looks from people by yelling “Booze!” seemingly at random in public. He might seem sweet on the surface, but under that cuddly exterior lurked a distinctly twisted sense of humour.
She hopped the last two steps, more out of habit than any desire for speed, and padded over to the bathroom to poke her head around the door. She was greeted by a cold, damp nose poking through the hole in the knee of her jeans and a soft huff. She grinned and crouched down to ruffle the basset’s short fur.
“What are you doing in here?” She asked him. “Hmm?”
“Daliah?” Came a muffled voice from the shower.
“Hey, babe.” She grinned, making her way around the nosing dog to pull the shower curtain aside slightly, it wasn’t quite what she’d expected.
Daliah frowned slightly, raising one eyebrow as she gazed down at her boyfriend, who was, for some unknown reason, sitting in the bottom of the shower with his knees drawn up toward his chest and his head resting on his forearms.
“Hey.” He said, rocking his head back to rest against the shower wall and giving her a tired smile.
Daliah’s muscles tightened involuntarily as she realized his voice was almost as muffled without the curtain as it had been with it and her eyes did a rapid scan of his face before she’d even realized she had done it. It didn’t help.
He obviously noticed because his smile became a little less tired, a little more teasing.
“Long day?” She managed, trying to look into his eyes and not at the slight redness around them. Or the more pronounced redness around the tip of his nose... Gods... She’d just had to end up with a man who was allergic to, well, it might be easier to list the things he wasn’t allergic to. She wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse sometimes.
He groaned slightly and let his eyes flutter shut for a moment. “You have no id...” He paused, a familiar frown line creasing the middle of his brow. As if her body wasn’t clenching enough, Daliah thought as he raised a hand, rubbing the heel of it against the bridge of his nose. It was a gesture he only ever made for one reason and she waited in tense anticipation.
“No... Hhi...!” He sighed and shook his head as though trying to dispel cobwebs, sending droplets of water flying from his dripping hair.
“For fuck’s sake...” He muttered looking back up at her and suddenly laughing, punctuated by a couple of soft coughs.
“Sorry.” He grinned, leaning his head back again and rubbing his eyes. “But I wouldn’t be too disappointed, I can guarantee you’ll be reimbursed.” He sniffled damply and scrubbed at his nose, almost as though to reassure her further before continuing. “My mum’s having a yard sale this weekend and roped me into helping her drag a bunch of old relics out of the attic. Which apparently hasn’t been cleaned since the industrial revolution.” He rolled his eyes. “You’d think a woman as neurotic as she is would dust a little more often.”
“And you didn’t invite me?” She grinned.
“I thought your director might frown upon it.”
“Screw him. You’ve been busy, I’ve been busy. I haven’t been laid in over a week.”
He laughed, then turned his head suddenly, face going slack for a brief moment before being overcome by a brief, but fervent fit of damp sneezes, head ducking back down toward his forearms in rapid succession.
“Hruh’SHFF! ...EH’SHFFFXSG!! Eshhuh-RFFSSHH! HGN’SSHHt!! Eh.... ECKSHHHHH!! Uggh...” He sniffled even more wetly than before, pressing a wrist up against his nostrils. As though it was actually going to do any good after having been drenched under the shower.
“Bless...” It came out sounding more like a come-on than a polite, or even concerned acknowledgment of the whims of his sinuses.
He nodded. “Hg’SSHHrFFF!” It sounded strained, almost desperate. “Thags... Ugh, I sound like shit.”
“Mmmmm...” She grinned again, all wicked suggestion and animal desire, then ducked suddenly back around the shower curtain.
“Daliah?”
She winked at Booze who was sitting on Rox’s discarded jeans and t-shirt looking at her curiously, head cocked to one side as he considered her.
“Just a sec.” She replied, unable to keep from grinning mischievously at the clear note of perplexity in his voice.
Behind the shower curtain Rox shifted slightly and scrubbed at his face with his hands. He wished his eyes would stop itching. As if the dust hadn’t been enough, she’d had to drag the cats up there with them too. He sneezed again, pitching forward into steepled fingers.
“Hg’SSSHHHFFF!! Ih! ...Hh! ...Hh’RRRSSHHHUHH!” Not only did they thrust him forward with their force, but they were beginning to scrape at his throat now too, he mused resignedly, letting his head tip back yet again and opening his eyes with a sigh.
Repeated exposure didn’t make it any easier to focus on her eyes rather than her breasts, he decided. Probably should have by now, but clearly it hadn’t. There she stood, naked, and beautiful, and wearing a smile that somehow managed to be coy, predatory, and just downright suggestive all at once.
He grinned back up at her and sniffled, rubbing a knuckle against his nose, admittedly not entirely out of necessity, but also simply because he knew what it would do to her.
“Hnnnnnnngh... Fuck me. Fuck me now.” Her voice had dropped at least an octave, falling somewhere between a purr and a growl. And people wondered why he called her
Dingo...
“There really isn’t room in here for this, you know?” But he was still grinning.
“That’s what the ability to be vertical is for.” And without waiting for any sort of response she grabbed his hand and dragged him to his feet, pulling him to her.
His body pressed against her, warm and slick with the shower’s steaming rain. He had washed, she could smell the soap on his skin, but it’s cucumber aroma didn’t completely mask his own warm scent, lending him a strange mixture of woody spice and cool freshness. His lips found her neck and worked their way slowly up to her mouth, teeth grazing lightly against her skin in a way that sent shivers down her spine. He knew exactly what to do to turn her into putty and he was well aware of it. As evidenced by his pausing the progression of his wandering lips in order to give her earlobe a good bite, making her groan and arch against him like a cat asking to be stroked. His fingers slid from the shower wall to her hips and up towards her breasts with a firm sensual pressure.
Daliah reached up, working her fingers into Rox’s ruff of blond hair, pulling him into a kiss and dragging her fingernails down the back of his neck, eliciting a breathy exhale of pleasure. The kiss was rich and full, deepening into a passionate embrace of lips and teeth until Rox suddenly broke away, breathing heavily and causing Daliah’s own breath to halt briefly in her throat. He caught sight of her face and laughed again, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his lips to her neck again, even more ardently than before.
“Sorry..” He murmured into her ear between kisses. “I’d have loved to have continued that, but I was beginning to suffocate.” He sniffled thickly against her neck, then cleared his throat. “I’m afraid my nose has unfortunately ceased to function as a breathing apparatus.” The congestion in his voice was indeed becoming more and more obvious.
She laughed, rich and full, and pulled him into a brief, but burning kiss.
“Don’t worry,” She murmured back, eyes alight with cunning, lascivious intent. “I’m sure it’ll come in useful for something.” And so saying she suddenly trailed one of her fingers lightly down the side of his long nose, tracing the seashell pinkness of his nostrils right up to the tip.
He tensed at the first touch, but didn’t pull away more than a fraction of an inch. Daliah could sense his breath quicken as her finger progressed, his eyes fluttering shut, brow beginning to crease ever so slightly. But the playing of his nostrils was just too much for his already irritated sinuses and his head snapped back reflexively, accompanied by a sharp intake of breath. Regardless of the extenuating circumstances of who he was with, his instinct was still to turn away, but she wouldn’t let him. Still, he ducked his head, not quite capable of actually letting himself simply sneeze in her face. And sneeze he did, the flurry of tickles her finger had incited in his right nostril spread into his left and grew into an almost feverish fit of increasingly desperate explosions.
“Ih!-HiiII!-HIh’GSSHH!!!-Ih’TSSSHHUH!!!” The first two came too quickly for Rox to even think about where he might aim them. They rushed out of him, almost explosive in their quickness, and wet enough to mist Daliah’s breasts with their spray. The groan it elicited from her was almost guttural and if her fingernails had been any longer they probably would have actually dug into his flesh as they traced roughly down his chest and stomach, to his groin, and down.
He curled against her, burying his face in the curve of her neck so that she could feel the dampness of his nose pressed against her skin making her nearly writhe with pleasure and heat. It was difficult to tell if whether the catch of breath in his throat was a reaction to her wanton touch or simply a preamble to further nasal expulsions as it was succeeded by nearly a dozen more powerfully fittish, almost downright frantic sneezes. Each one progressively wetter and more congested than the last, almost wracking his entire body with their force as he smothered them desperately against Daliah’s neck.
“EH’SSHUH!! Heh... EhHEH!-Huh’SSSSHHHUUUHH!!!! Uh’SSSSHHHHFFF!!! Eh... Eh’KKSSSHHHGTX!!! H’KSSSHHrUHF!! ...Heeeh!! ...Eeeh! Eh-R’SSSHHHHUUHHFFFt!!!! R’SSHHGXSHT! Eh... EH’KSSSHHHHGX!!! K’SHUHFGTCH!! N’FFGTch!”
He barely had time to breathe between them, each inhale a desperate, panting, almost spasmodic build-up to the next explosion. He was vaguely aware of her hands roving over his body in all the right places, but he was too overwhelmed by the feeling of a thousand tiny feathers dancing deeper and deeper into his nostrils, making his eyes run nearly as much as his nose already was to respond or even acknowledge it. He shuddered against her with each burst, pressed so tightly to her body that she could feel every spasm as they wrenched themselves out of him, leaving his whole body helpless in their grip.
Daliah had had the great pleasure of witnessing Rox having allergic fits like this before, but never before had she had him pressed against her like this when it happened. Never before had she felt his naked body tremble against her with each breathy inhale and subsequent release. Had never before felt so many fittish bursts of spray from his tormented nostrils cascade against her neck like this. It was almost too much to bear, as though her body might explode at any second. So unbelievably aroused without him having so much as slid a hand between her thighs. How pleasure and agony could meld into one, Daliah didn’t know, but there was simply no other way to describe it. She needed him. Needed him so desperately that it felt in that moment as though she’d never needed anything more in her entire life.
“HnhRox...” It came out somewhere between a low growl and a desperate moan as he sagged against her in the aftermath of the final gut wrenching sneeze that left his nose practically dripping against her shoulder. He nuzzled against her, sniffling with a thick liquid sound in between attempts to catch his breath.
“I think my nose just died...” He muttered to no one in particular. Though it came out so congested it was barely intelligible anyway.
“So did I.” Daliah growled and bit his earlobe while employing her hands in letting him no in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t start fucking her in the next five seconds she was going to do more than fuck him. Her eyes too, conveyed the message with carnal clarity.
Fuck me. Fuck me hard. NOW.
Her touch elicited a spasmodic inhale from Rox as his whole body seemed to contract in response to the firm, caress of her skillful fingers. The demanding fire in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed either and his mouth found it’s way to her neck again, but this time it was teeth more than lips that were the main participants as his hand slid over her thigh and between her legs. The nails of her left hand dug into his back and scratched down it making him shiver as she guided him inside of her with her right.
He pressed against her, into her, pinning her firmly against the shower wall. One hand gripped her hip, angling her against him while his other hand caressed one of her breasts with a firm, lustful touch, his thumb making slow, purposeful circuits of her nipple. Daliah growled and nipped at him, using the shower wall as leverage to drive him deeper, arcing against him. Aware from her body language that she was done playing and just wanted to fuck, Rox shifted the position of his hands to her thighs, nearly hoisting her off her feet as he thrust powerfully and rhythmically against her.
He bent his head, leaning even further into her, breath brushing heavily against her neck as he continued to move within her. Her eyes were closed, drowning in pleasure, but she felt one his hands leave her thigh and opened her eyes in time to see him give his nose a quick swipe before replacing it. She gazed into his face now as their bodies rocked together and had the sudden urge to nibble his ever so slightly trembling lower lip. Other people might not have found a man with irritated, almost bloodshot eyes and a nose that was beginning to look distinctly chapped and actually had a visible trickle of clear mucus running out of one of the nostrils terribly attractive, but to Daliah he was an absolutely gorgeous allergic mess. He sniffled liquidly, but it only seemed to make things worse and he swiped roughly at it again. A moment later, her eyes closed again, she felt the bridge of his nose come to press against her shoulder, could feel too that his brow was furrowed above it as he scrubbed it against her collar bone still snuffling wetly.
The first sneeze was a harsh, largely warningless stifle that rocked him roughly against her. And into her. Actually making her cry out as it showered wetly against her.
“HGTSHX!”
His head immediately rocked back, breath coming in short, desperate pants. Daliah moaned and looked up at him as he faltered in his rhythm.
“Don’t stop!” She begged, pull his hips roughly against her as she gazed up at him, almost mesmerized by his wildly flaring nostrils.
His response was more than she could ever have asked for. An almost impressively powerful double that thrust him forcefully into her, deeper than anything she’d ever experienced before. Deeper than she knew was even possible. They ripped out of him, wet and explosive, with a brief pause between them in which it felt to them both that the whole world seemed to freeze.
“Hh’RFSSSHHHGH!!! ... Hur’AASSSSHHHHRUHFTGX!”
It felt to Daliah as though her insides had exploded like never before. Her whole body convulsed as she came with a strangled scream of pure ecstasy.
An instant later Rox slumped heavily against her, spending himself along with her in one final gut wrenching sneeze that proceeded into a small fit of half stifled coughs as he slowly exited himself from her and stepped back to sag against the adjoining shower wall to her right. His nose was running uncontrollably and as Daliah watched him wipe it on his hand and then give his hand a slightly disgusted look it suddenly occurred to her, now that the haze of intense arousal had ebbed away, that he might actually not feel terribly well at the moment.
“Rox...”
He slid slowly down the shower wall and sat on the bath floor again, water running over him as he let his head tip back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes, heavy breathing punctuated every few breaths by a wet sniffle. Daliah moved over and sat down next to him.
“You ok?” She asked, laying a hand on his arm. “Didn’t beat you up too much, did I? Kind of forgot you might not feel well.” She admitted, slightly embarrassed at her lack of concern for him.
He laughed and shook his head, still sniffling, and leaned across to kiss her, but pulled back almost immediately and gave his nose as thorough a wipe as he could with only his hand and no tissue. Daliah raised an eyebrow questioningly at him.
“Sorry. I realized I was running all over you.” He said sheepishly, a slight blush actually tinging his cheeks a pale pink.
She snorted softly and gave him a pointed look, amusement dancing in her brown eyes.
“You really think I’d give a shit, Rox?”
He chuckled softly. “Weirdo.” He looked like he was about to add something, or wanted to, but instead he ducked his head and failed in an attempt to stifle a large yawn. Started to speak again, and yawned again, even larger than before.
“Damn it...”
“Come here.” Daliah said, spinning herself so that she was sitting with her back to one of the short sides of the bath.
He frowned at her, clearly at a loss as to what she meant.
“Come here, lie down Rox. You look exhausted. Wouldn’t be the first time you used me as a pillow.” she grinned.
He laughed, but gazed around the shower a bit skeptically.
“Daliah, I really don’t think there’s room for this in here. I know I’m not the tallest guy in the world, but I don’t think I could stretch out very well in here by myself, let alone with... wi... Ih... Ih’HRuSSHH! H’RSSHHFFF! with both of us.”
She stuck her tongue out at him.
“You’ve got knee joints. Use them.”
He yawned again and she gave him another pointed look. He opened his mouth, looking as though he was about to argue, but then changed his mind, twisted himself around to face the same direction as she was and scooted back, reclining slowly with a slight groan so that his head and shoulders rested against her stomach.
Daliah dragged her fingers lightly through his blond hair, toying gently with it. He sniffled and relaxed against her, letting his head fall slightly to the side as she stroked it affectionately. He lay one of his hands on her knee and rubbed it in slow, sleepy circles. She smiled and kissed his forehead. Rox was about to tip his head back so that she could kiss him on the lips when there was a suddenly scrabbling noise from the other side of the shower curtain and they both looked over to see Booze’s head poke through the gap between the curtain and wall and come to rest on the edge of the bath, looking at them with an almost pitiful expression. But then again, being a basset hound, looking pitiful didn’t take a lot of work.
“And just who invited you?” Rox asked the dog with mock sternness. He responded by sticking his head even further in, licking his nose, and giving a grumbly whine.
“I think he’s jealous.” Daliah said with a grin.
Rox laughed. “Don’t blame him. The most action he’s even gotten was when he was born. Well, unless you count various people’s legs...”
“And whose fault is that?” She teased.
“You’d rather we be up to our elbows in a bunch of puppies who can’t walk without tripping over their own ears? ...And want to clean your ears with their tongues?” He added a second later as Booze licked the inside of his. “Stop that. Stop... Oh no you don’t!”
Booze had gotten his front paws up on the tub ledge to lick Rox’s ear and was now attempting to scrabble up and over into the bottom of the shower.
“Un-uh! No. You are not... Booze, you are... There are two of us in here already, there is definitely not room for... Damn it, Booze. This is not, ow! Whose... xtchrff! hrgntrfSSHH! Ihg’RFFFGRSSHHFX!! Whose idea was it to ISSHHNGRRFFF! to give dogs toendails likge steakg dnives, adyway?” He inquired, or attempted to through a distinctly clogged nose, as Booze succeeded in scrambling in with them and over Rox’s bare abdomen and thighs, shaking his head in mild annoyance as the water hit him before flopping down on one of Rox’s legs.
Daliah laced her arms under Rox’s and wrapped them around his chest. “You seem to have lost your Ks, babe. And your Ns are well on their way. But then again, you’ve acquired a furry leg extension. How you feeling?”
“Like I’ve got a wet dog on my leg and he’s starting to smell. ...And also like my head has gained several pound in congestion, my nose has sprung a leak, and my eyes have been rubbed in pile of dusty kittens. Though I suppose on second thought that isn’t such an exaggeration...” He admitted resignedly.
“Does it make it better or worse that all that resulted in me getting the best fuck of my life? Er... Aside from the wet dog, I mean.”
He laughed. “Well, someone might as well get some decent pleasure out of it. And it was certainly one hell of a nice distraction.” He grinned sleepily and snuggled against her, his eyes fluttering shut before yawning yet again.
“Come on, babe. I think we’d better get you to bed before you fall asleep in here and run out of hot water.” Daliah chuckled lovingly.
“Mmmm... In a minute... M’ comfortable.”
Disclaimer: I do not own Roxy. I just have his metaphysical self tied up in my bed. I mean... um... What!?
Warnings: I'll be honest, it’s really just fetish porn. So if you’re not looking for graphic sex, you'd be better off going somewhere else.
Author's Notes: This is the first time I've ever written sex, so please be gentle! XD And for those not sure who Richard Roxburgh is, he's an Australian actor who has played, among other things, The Duke in Moulin Rouge, Dracula in Van Helsing, and Sherlock Holmes in a recent version of Hound of the Baskervilles. And I want to eat him with a spoon...