Faking Sick Doesn't Always have its Perks
a Batman story
by peppop12007
"Signals up, lets go." Dick Grayson said turning away from the window he'd been looking out of.
Oridinarily, Tim Drake would have been dressed and ready to go in a flash, but tonight he had other plans.
"I can't. I don't feel so hot," Tim said in the best whiny voice he could muster.
"You can't back out on me. Bruce is going to be out for three weeks finishing the underground smugglers in Nigeria. What's wrong?" Dick said walking over to the couch Tim was sprawled out on.
"I feel awful, I'm achy and shivery and I..." letting his face go blank he let out the best fake sneeze he could, curling himself in a ball. "HAH-chishoo!"
Pretending to catch his breath, Tim laid there while Dick felt his forehead. "Well, no fever, maybe it's a cold? I'll call Leslie in the morning, until then stay here. With you sneezing like that I can't take you out, you'll give us away." Dick turned and started walking to his bedroom.
"No, I'll be good, give me some decongestants. I'll take one for the team." Tim said getting up and following Dick into his room. This had to work, it worked for Ferris Bueler.
Dick seemed like he was almost going to consider it when Tim let out another "sneeze" and doubled himself over. "No, the "team" will have a quieter night not hearing you suffer."
Putting on a good pouty face, Tim walked back over to the couch and laid down. "HAH-chishoo!" (you know just for good show).
"Okay stay warm and watch some TV, maybe it'll put you to sleep. I'll be home in the morning. Page me if you need something." With that Dick was gone.
SWEET! Finally! He was gone! Tim immediately sat up and grabbed the cordless phone sitting by the couch. Dialing a number he knew by heart he waited while it rang.
"Hello?" a female voice came over the line.
"Hey, Babe, its me, we still on at 7?" Tim said with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, definitely. Hey, don't forget to bring an umbrella, it looks like its going to pour outside."
"Sure thing, Steph. Hey, how'd you get out of Spoiler duty tonight?" Tim asked curiously.
"Same way you got out of being Robin, I faked sick. I poured vegetable soup in the toilet and made some awful noises and then pretended to go straight to bed." Stephanie said giggling.
"Aww, good one, I faked a cold. Okay well I need to go get ready. See you in an hour." Tim said.
"See you then." Stephanie hung up.
"Wow, would you look at it outside? I sure am glad we're enjoying dinner and not grinding someone's ass into the ground," Stephanie said eating another bite of steak.
"Yeah, I agree. I bet its hell out there tonight." Tim said pushing the thought of Dick as Nightwing out of his mind.
"Earth to Tim. Come in Tim." Stephanie said waving her hand in front of his face.
"Yeah, sorry what's up?" He realized that he had zoned out.
"I said 'How about we go see a movie?'"
"Yeah, that sounds good." Tim flagged down the waitress and got their bill. Soon they were walking hand-in-hand under the umbrella toward the theatre.
Walking out of the theatre talking about the show the young couple noticed an elderly homeless person sitting on the sidewalk. "Steph, I feel guilty we blew off our duties, mind if I give our umbrella to someone who needs it?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing," she said smiling.
Walking over to the guy they handed him the umbrella and walked off toward Tim's car. "We better head home its late and we're wet and I'm sure our guardians are going to come home to check on us soon."
"Yeah, lets get home."
Soaking wet, Tim went straight to his room to change out of the wet clothes. He had just finished changing, when he heard the familar thud of Nightwing landing on the window outside the living room of the apartment. Without having time to scrub his hair dry, Tim ran around the room picking up the clothes he'd just changed out of, and jumped into bed, pulling the covers all the way up to his neck. Closing his eyes, he waited for Nightwing to come in and check on him.
A few minutes later, 'What is taking hims so long' he thought. Opening one eye to look around his room he caught sight of Nightwing. "Hey, Buddy. How are you feeling?" Dick took off his glove and felt Tim's forehead. "Geez, you're warm. You're hair is soaked through with sweat." 'Must have been the running around. Good job, Drake,' he silently congratulated himself.
"HAH-chishoo! HAH-ISHHH!huh...huh..huh-ISHOO!"
"Bless you! You okay there? Didn't kill yourself on those did you?" Dick said looking thoroughly impressed.
"I'm okay, how was your night?" Tim "sniffled", rubbing his nose on his sleeve for good effect.
"Aw, come on use a tissue, not your sleeve," Dick said getting up from where he'd sat on Tim's bed and retrieving a box of tissues from the bathroom. Sitting back down, Dick started unlacing his boots, "It was wet and cold. I feel a bit chilled, I think I'm going to stay in the rest of the night and take a nice hot shower." Dick pulled off his mask. "Besides, now that you're running a fever I want to make sure you don't get any worse." Dick put his hand to Tim's forehead again to double check. "Hmm, maybe all your sweating is cooling you down," he said half to himself. "Okay, well I'm going to go shower, come get me if you need something." With that he got up and left.
Tim felt exhausted. The rain, the cold air and the act of faking sick had taken its toll. He let the sound of the rain hitting the window put him to sleep.
Tim woke up before Dick the next morning. Going to the couch, he flipped on the TV and sat watching cartoons until around 9, when Dick came walking in. "Hey, thanks for taking care of me last night." Tim said offering his best smile, "I feel worlds better."
"Great...I think I'm going to go back to bed," Dick said turning back around toward his bedroom.
Tim followed him back to his bedroom, watching him lie back down. "You okay?" he asked watching him stare at the wall, sniffling miserably.
"I feel sick. Damn room won't stop spinning. I'm so congested I can't breathe." Dick said trying to inhale through his nose to prove his point.
Tim walked over to his bed and put the back of his hand to Dick's forehead. Feeling the back of his neck as well to get a better judgement, it was obvious, the real person that was ill was Dick. "Hey, hold on a sec, I'm going to go get a thermometer," Tim said jogging out of the room to the medicine cabinet.
Hearing a loud sneeze that rattled the walls of Dick's apartment,he quickly grabbed the thermometer and a bottle of Tylenol. Walking back into Dick's room, he found Dick pushing his index finger under his nose, "Get mehhh...ehh..me...some tihh..ihh...tissues," Dick said trying to hold back his sneezes.
Quickly going and grabbing a box, he pulled a few tissues out of the box and shoved them in Dick's hand. "Thahh...ahhhh...AHH-CHSHIOOO!Huh- shishoo! thanks...ihh...ihhh...huh-SHOOO!" Turning away from Tim, Dick blew his nose until he couldn't anymore.
"Bless you," Tim quietly mumbled. "We should start using that to take out enemies," Tim looked concerned.
"Alfred used to say he was always surprised to find my room still in one piece when I had a head cold." Dick smiled.
"Yeah I bet."
There was a momentary silence until Dick interrupted, "Looks like I got your cold, huh?"
"Um, yeah my cold. Hey, how about some soup, does that sound good?" Tim quickly changed the subject. Dick opened his mouth to say something, but Tim shoved the digital thermometer in his mouth and left the room to go make soup.
After warming up the can of Chicken and Stars, Tim came back in with a tray of "sick goodies". There was the glass of cool water and a bowl of steaming soup and a few crackers. Setting the tray down, Tim turning around to pull the thermometer out of Dick's mouth when he realized Dick had fallen asleep. Trying not to wake him, Tim slowly pulled the thermometer out. 102.3, well damn it. It was high enough that Tim needed to get Dick to take a few Tylenol.
He hated the fact that he was going to have to wake him, but he knew it was for his own good. Gently shaking him, Dick opened his eyes, "Let me die, can't you see I was almost there," Dick croaked. Laughing, Tim handed him two tylenol and the glass of water.
Sitting up, Dick downed the pills. Tim helped him lie back down and left the room. He called Dr. Leslie to make sure he was doing everything right, then he simply waited for nightfall. Only Robin would be working until Nightwing got better. After all Dick did go out for him by himself.
3 days later Robin took inventory on all of his injuries as he climbed through the window on the end of the third night.
Day 1: busted 2 ribs
Day 2: twisted ankle
Day 3: broke two fingers
'Oh wait, lets not forget the fact that it rained freezing rain all three days, and I had to take care of Dick and I had school and...this stupid list is freakin' endless,' he added to his list of complaints. His whole body ached. He practically stumbled like a drunken man to his bedroom, quickly changing into sweats and t-shirt, he collapsed on his bed. Dick had been getting better, but the slight fever he had that day still kept him from going out that night. Now, Tim silently prayed that tomorrow he wouldn't be fighting alone. His body felt as if a 2 ton elephant was sitting on him. Exhausted he closed his eyes and let sleep consume him.
The light coming in from the blinds he had forgotten to shut, woke him early, not to mention the sound of pots and pans being thrown around inside his skull.
Staggering out of his room, Tim made it all the way to the kitchen door before he could go no further. Dick was standing at the stove scrambling eggs, when he turned around to find Tim in the doorway. "Rough night? You look beat." Turning his attention back to the eggs, "Take a seat, I made breakfast."
Beat? HAHA beat? Try freakin' abused. "Yeah." Taking two steps away from the door, the room spun horribly, and Tim's knees buckled from underneath him. Sagging to the floor Tim laid down feeling the cold tile on his hot cheek. It felt so good, he never wanted the coolness to go away.
"Woah, I know the saying 'this floor is clean enough to eat off of', but I don't think they meant literally, Tim," Dick had set down the plates of eggs and slowly turned Tim onto his back. Tim whinced as his ribs cursed him. "Bust a few ribs?...and fingers," Dick noted.
"Yeah."
"You're so talkative today, I might have to duct tape your mouth shut," Dick tried to joke.
"Yeah."
Immediately putting the back of his hand to his forehead, Dick felt the clammy heat radiating off of Tim. "Thats a real fever, not like the one you faked a week ago," Dick said helping Tim stand and putting his arm around his waist.
"I'm sorry," Tim mumbled, "I promised Stephanie and I couldn't break my promise," Tim said looking at the floor as they walked back to his room.
"I knew I could get you to say more than 'yeah'," Dick smiled as he tucked Tim back into bed.
Tim smiled back realizing that he was not the only one who had ever faked sick to get out of duty. After all Dick had been a kid once, too. He hadn't even realized Dick had left the room until he felt a cool cloth on his forehead. "You're running a pretty good fever there, no crimefighting or dating until it breaks, okay?" Dick said concerned.
Tim sighed, looking up at his big brother. "Yeah," he smiled.
The End
Hatching: A character can sneeze whenever he/she wants. He/She uses this gift to fake sick, but their plan backfires when they actually get sick.
I own none of this, nor do I get any money from it.
Okay I wrote this long because I always say TBC and then I never get to continue them. Also, I'm not good at writing stuffy voices, and I'm sorry. Instead of mutilating the fic, I just thought I wouldn't write it like that and you can make their voices as stuffy as you want them. :D