Cigs
a FAKE story
by obtuse_dream
"You know Dee, you really should consider quitting"
"Geez, not you too? First Im hearing it from Mother and now you."
"Well can you blame us for worrying about your health? Eventually those cigarettes are gonna catch up with you."
"Look baby, for as long as I've been smoking, I seriously doubt that a cigarette will cause Dee Laytner to meet his demise before his time."
"sighs Whatever man. Guess there's no point in arguing with you about it."
The sounds of early morning traffic awakened the dark haired man from his peaceful slumber. Sitting up with a stretch, Dee scanned the room as if unaware of his current surroundings.
"Hm? That's weird." he said over a yawn, "I could've sworn I was at Ryo's place."
Glancing at his digital clock sitting on the night stand, he inwardly groaned.
"Shit, I'm gonna be late; I can already hear Ryo and the chief now." he grumbled, leaving the comforts of his bed.
Once at work, Dee immediately reached in his pocket, pulling out his cigarettes. His eyes locked on his partner who was reading over a stack of papers at their desk.
"Well about time you showed up. I was thinking you were gonna call in sick." his partner joked.
Dee lit his cigarette, taking a long drag before speaking , "Yeah , well Im here so that's all that matters."
Ryo laughed before rubbing his nose while his partner took his seat. Dee sighed as he eyed the papers that Ryo was still looking through intently.
"So, what's this case about?" he asked.
"It's not a case , just some old files."
Dee quirked a brow, " Old files? Why are you looking though old files?"
"Because sniff while I was waiting for you, I sniff got bored." he smirked, still rubbing at his nose.
"Ha. ha. You're a regular comedian. Seriously though, why look through old files? Looking for clues or something?" he took another long drag.
The auburn haired man shook his head with a sniffle. "I was just looking through some old stuff. But then again sniff you could have a point there. It never hurts to revert back to old files for support on a current case." he sniffled.
The constant sniffling and nose rubbing didn't go unnoticed by the smoker. Tilting his head to the side, he blew a perfrect smoke ring before speaking.
"You alright Ryo?"
"Hn? Oh Im fine." he said, caught off guard by his partners sudden concern.
"Really?" he narrowed his eyes as Ryo rubbed at his nose.
"sniff Yeah really Dee."
"...O.k then. Hm, I think I'll go get some coffee. Ya want?" he asked standing.
"Nah , Im good thanks."
Dee shrugged and headed for the lounge.
"Ehshoo! Iyshissh! HetChoo!" Ryo sneezed suddenly. Sniffling and rubbing at his nose more, he began to notice how irrated his eyes felt. "Hih...Shissh! HehChoo! Choo!" and how itchy his nose was.
When Dee returned, he was greeted by a sniffly Ryo rubbing at his eye with one hand, and holding a crumpled up tissue in the other.
"Ryo?"
"Oh Dee, I...heh...HEHCHOO! EhShuh! EhShissh! Heh...hah...heEMMPHH!" he stifled the last one in his tissue.
"Bless You!" he exclaimed, running over to him and nearly spilling his coffee. "Your sick aren't you?"
Ryo shook his head,snuffling against his tissues. "Doh I'b sniff I'b..neh..eh...nod-sig-EPSHOO! HEHSHOO! Shoo! EhShoo! HehMgnk! Mphff! Iyshissh!"
By now Dee had practically shoved the box of Kleenex at Ryo who weakly grabbed at the tissues. When he finally was able to breathe, Ryo took this oppurtunity to blow his nose several times.
"Not sick eh?" he raised a eyebrow, "Ryo you know I don't like it when you hide stuff from me." he frowned.
"Dee sniff I'b really nod sig."
"Then what's with all the sneezing?'
"Yes, what is with all this sneezing?" a voice said from behind.
Both men turned to see one of their fellow detectives, Stan, smile at them knowingly.
"Yo Stan, I think my partner here is sick." Dee stated simply ignoring the glare on Ryo's face.
"Really? Well I'd have to agree with you there. You look awful my man." the blonde said with concern.
"Well I...I..assuresniff assure-you-dad-I'b-nod-sig. HaChoo! Iishh! Etchuu! Mmphff!" he stifled the rest into his tissues.
"Bless you." the men said in unison.
"Thags."he sniffled and blew his nose again.
"Hm." Stan tapped a finger to his chin, "If you say you don't have a cold, then maybe it's...allergies?"
Ryo sniffled , keeping his lower half behind the tissues. "Bud I'b nod sniff sniff allergig do anythig." he replied stuffily.
"Well allergies are known for coming at any given time. You might wanna keep an eye out." and with that said, Stan playfully saluted at Dee, and walked off.
"Allergies?" Dee repeated, "You don't really think it's allergies do ya?"
"Doh...it's sniff probably subding id theh..sniff air."
"Yeah probably so. But look man, promise me you'll take something k?"
Ryo smiled softly. "I sniff will."
"Good now-"
" Laytner! The Chief wants to see you!" a distanced voice called.
"Dammit. What does that old badger want now?" he grumbled, " I didn't even get to drink my coffee!" he whined.
"Hehshh! Epshh!" Ryo sneezed.
Dee frowned. "Be sure you take something for that."
"I will Dee, I will." he snuffled.
Dee gave him a wink before trudging over to the Chief's office.
Once Dee had left, Ryo blew his nose several more times and sighed with somewhat relief at how clear his nose had gotten. What was even a greater relief , was the fact that his nose stopped tickling and his eyes were no longer itchy nor watery.
"Must have just been a little fit." he said with a sigh before looking through the old files again.
~ Several hrs later~ "HehChissh! Iishhoo!"
" I thought you took something for that?" Dee asked, surprised that his partner was still sneezing.
"I-I was sniff but then I felt better afterwards so sniff sniff I....I di- Hetchoo! HehChoo!" Ryo struggled against the forceful sneezes. Truth was, he did feel better afterwards, but it seemed that once Dee came around, his sneezing started back up again.
"Bless You." Dee replied sympathetically. "Well looks like whatever you had , came back. I think you should go on and take something or just go home and take it easy. Im sure all that sneezing is interfering with your work."
Ryo smiled. "And since when sniff have you ever been concerned about my work?" he sniffled.
"Since now." the young man said , a sly smile crossing his face. He snaked a arm around him, leaning in for a quick kiss when suddenly...
"HAHESHOO! HehChoo! Hmmphff! Uhmphff! Chmphff!" Ryo began sneezing again.
Dee backed away quickly , watching as Ryo's head continued to bob up and down , soiling the handkerchief he managed to snag from his pocket.
"Uh, babe? Are you gonna be okay?" he asked worriedly. It seemed that his sneezes would never stop.
"Mmpff! Heh-eh....ohh." he sighed once it finally seemed that the sneezes were backing off.
"You alright now ?" Dee asked.
"Y-yeah...I dink sniff so..." he replied slowly.
"Im gonna go and try to find some more tissues for you."
Ryo only nodded as he felt another strong tickle. He watched as Dee walked off , sighing with relief when the terrible tickle disappeared.
"What was all that sneezing about?" Drake asked , poking his head into the room.
"Oh, soddy sniff Wad I dad bad?" he sniffled.
A look of concern came over Drake's face. "Dude, are you sick or something? You look and sound awful."
Ryo blew his nose before speaking. " I don't know what's wrong with me Drake. I keep having these sudden sneeze attacks."
"Hmm well-"
"Here's some tissues." Dee interrupted as he placed the box of Kleenex on his partner's desk."
"Thanks sniff HuhChoo! Dammit! Choo! EhShoo! Itshiish! "
Drake raised an eyebrow at Ryo before looking over at Dee.
"Geez, sounds like it's getting worse."
"I still think he's sick." Dee said , watching Ryo sneeze helplessly.
"Tchoo! HehMphf! MMphff! Heckishoo! Huh..heh..Chhmphf!" Ryo continued sneezing in the tissues he managed to grab at.
"Damn. Im gonna go tell the chief that Ryo needs to leave early."
"Yeah that would seem best." Drake replied.
Once Dee left the room again, Ryo's sneezes once again, came to a halt.
"Bless you man!"
"Thadks. Uhg. Where duh hell are dese sdeezes cobing frob?" Ryo asked stuffily.
"Can't tell ya." Drake shrugged. " Though they seemed to have stopped for now."
"Yeah. sniff Ids really stradge. Whed Dee lebessniff by sdeezin stobs. Add whed eber he cobes aroud be, I-Itchoo! sniffles I stard sdeezin agaid." Ryo stated before blowing his nose.
Drake raised an eyebrow. "Really? Yeah, that is strange." he said, going into deep thought.
Once Dee returned with the tissues, he and Ryo headed to the chief's office (sneezing rather painfully now) where the chief immediately allowed Ryo to leave for the day. Dee wanted to accompany him however, he still had work to do and the chief certainly didn't want him anymore distracted from his duties than he already was.
"Geez," Dee sighed falling back into his desk chair, " That old badger is such a slave driver!"
"Well at least he let Ryo leave." Drake replied, leaning against Dee's desk.
"Yeah but you should have seen him Drake! Poor guy looked ready to pass out!"
"But I bet the minuet he left his sneezes subsided."
"Wha?" Dee was rather caught off guard by the last statement his friend said.
"Well, I betcha his sneezing seemed to calm some as he left right?" Drake repeated nonchantly.
Dee thought about this for a second. "Well....yeah I guess his sneezes seem to come less frequently as he left the office." Dee said while running a hand through his dark hair. "But I still wanted to make sure he got home safely."
Drake stared at Dee for a few minuets before resting his gaze to a stack of papers on the others desk. "Ya know," he started off slowly, " Ryo told me something earlier when you left to tell the chief."
A questionable look appeared on Dee's face. "Really?"
"Yeah. He was telling me how it seemed like...whenever you were around him, he'd start sneezing and whenever you'd leave, the sneezing would stop."
"What are you getting at?" "Im just saying what he told me dude. It sounded strange at first but earlier before you 2 went to the chief's, it started to make sense."
"And that would be what?" Dee was getting quite agitated as Drake spoke on ; he reached in his pockets for a cigarette.
"That maybe , it could be an allergy."
"An allergy? But Ryo's not allergic to anything." suddenly the words from Stan popped in his head.
"If you say you don't have a cold, then maybe it's...allergies?"......"Well allergies are known for coming at any given time. You might wanna keep an eye out."
"Well allergies can appear without warning ya know." Drake stated simply.
Dee shook his head as he focused on what his friend was saying. "So if he has allergies now, then what could be causing them?"
"Might be you."
"ME?" Dee immediately lit up his cigarette and took a long drag. "Are you trying to be funny Drake? How the hell could he be allergic to me?"
Drake sighed before speaking. "Im not talking about you, you. Im saying he could be allergic to something on your person."
"Like what?" he was blowing smoke rings. "I don't wear a strong cologne or anything."
"What about your smoking?"
"What about it?"
"That could be what he's become allergic to."
Before Dee could protest , Drake continued.
"Look man, haven't you noticed? Every time you were around him, it was either while you were smoking or right after. The minuet you'd leave, he'd stop sneezing."
"Your trying to say that my smokin is the reason for his sudden allergies?"
"Pretty much."
"But you smoke too!"
"Well maybe it depends on the brand and any ways, I haven't really smoked today."
Dee felt at a lost. "What should I do then?"
"I guess when you get home, take a long shower and avoid smoking at all cost."
"At all cost? What about-"
"It'd be better if you didn't smoke at all." Drake interrupted. "That way, you'd get a better chance at seeing if it really was you."
Dee stared cross-eyed at the cigarette in his mouth before, removing it. "No more smoking..." he let out a heavy sigh and stubbed it out.
"It's for the best. And anyway, it might not be the cigs."
"Yeah...maybe."
"Don't look so down man." he patted the man on his shoulder, "It's not the end of the world." he laughed, "Let's just see how it works out tomorrow." and with that said, Drake offered his friend a smile , and returned back to his own desk.
Dee sighed again, twirling around in his chair . "Guess it was about time I started quitting." he said to himself.
The next day, Dee came into work a little moody. Ever since Drake had told him that he may have been the cause of Ryo's suffering, he hadn't smoke since. The minuet he got home, he took a long hot shower and called Ryo to see how he was doing. Of course Ryo was perfectly fine now. Dee felt it best not to mention the discussion he and Drake had had. Which made it practically heartbreaking when Ryo wandered why his partner declined the offer to come over. Not being able to see Ryo and unable to smoke away his woes made Dee Laytner a very grumpy man.
"Mornin!" a fellow colleague spoke a little too cheerfully for his liking.
"Morin." Dee grumbled back, ignoring the expression on the others face.
"Good Morning Dee."
"Mornin."
"What's the matter?"
"Noth-"Dee caught himself when he saw Ryo staring at him , dark eyes filled with concern.
"Dee?" his partner tried again.
"It's nothing." he said a little too low. But before Ryo could try and coax him more, Dee flashed him his best smile. "Really, Im fine. You know I how am in the mornings."
Ryo nodded, quite aware of the truth in that statement.
"So, your feelin better now?" Dee asked.
"Yeah, Im feeling a lot better now."
"That's good." he sighed sadly as he sat at his desk.
Ryo couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. His partner seemed so down and he couldn't figure out why. But he knew better to keep asking him. He'd only brush it off as "nothing" and move on. He sighed himself as he rubbed a finger to his nose. It had only been a couple of minuets before a certain sound made Dee jump.
"EhShoo! HiihChiish!"
Dee stared at Ryo, who had dug into his pocket retrieving a handkerchief. He felt his stomach turn as he watched his partner wipe his nose into the soft cloth.
"Whoa , that was kinda sniff sudden." Ryo wrinkled his nose. "It's like they..Heh-Chissh! they ca-HehEhhishh! Hetchoo! came outta Huh...HuhEhShuu! Shissh! sniff sniff oudda dowhere sniff."
Dee's mind began to race. "Why he is still sneezing? I thought my smoking was what caused all that sneezing? Hey, maybe it wasn't my smoking after all! Yeah! Then either he's actually sick or he's allergic to something else!"
While Ryo continued sneezing, Dee suddenly stood up, slamming his hands on the desk. "That's it!"
Ryo was startled, but kept sneezing. "Wha...HehShiish! HehChoo! HahEshuu! What are you t-talking- HiihChiish! aboud? EhShoo!"
"You must be catching a cold! I knew it!" Dee exclaimed a little too joyfully.
Ryo shook his head and tried to explain in between the sneezes. "Doh..HehChishh! Chisshah! I'b d-dot Tishoo! I'b dot cah..AhTCHOO! cahah...EhChoo! sniffles I'b dot cachig a code-EhShmmph!" he caught the last one in his handkerchief.
"Then it must be something else then! Which means, no more cold turkey!" Dee felt a huge weight be lifted off shoulders. He could smoke again!
Ryo however, could bearly hear Dee much less make out what he was saying in between the sneezes. "HuhShuu! EhihChissh! Heh...eheh...HehShuuh! EhShissh! Chissha! IiShoo! Dabbid-Ehshoo! I cad st-stob HuhEhShissh! stob- eh..HehAhShiish! sdeezig! Choo! AtChoo! HuhShush!"
By now, most of the detectives, among others, had crowded around Dee and Ryo's desk curious and concerned with all the sudden ruckus.
"Whoa! What's going on here?" Drake asked, "Is Ryo still sneezing?"
"Still?" asked Stan, " I thought he got over that bug."
"He's sick?" Ted asked.
Ryo tried to shake his head but found that he could only bob his head up and down with the force of the sneezes. " Doh! I-Iitchoo! I'b dot sig! I-hah...HAHESHOO! I-EHSHOO!"
"Dude, you didn't smoke yet did you?" Drake asked Dee.
"Nope." he shook his head, " I went cold turkey since yesterday. I didn't even bring em with me."
"And he's still sneezing like crazy obviously." Drake observed.
"Which means it wasn't my smokin! I took a hot shower and everything."
Drake could only scratch his chin. It still didn't make sense. He had saw Ryo earlier and he was perfectly fine until Dee showed. If Dee honestly hadn't smoked yet, and Ryo wasn't coming down sick, then what could it possibly be?
"Damn, he looks about ready to explode!" Ted exclaimed, "We better try to get him outside or something so maye he's sneezing might die off."
"Good idea man." Stan agreed.
But when the guys tried to help the young man stand, he pushed them away and shook his head the best he could.
"You need to try and get some air. It's gonna help you some." Stan suggested.
Ryo just waved a free hand at them as he tried to stop the sneezes on his own. With little success. "HehEhmmph! Mmph! HickShoo! IiShmmph!"
Dee knelt down in front of him, placing his hands on his knees. "Ya want me to go get the chief again?"
"That won't be necessary." a voice from behind spoke.
Dee turned around and frowned at who he saw.
"What seems to be the problem here?" Commishner Rose said while approaching them.
"My partner can't seem to stop sneezing." Dee stated the obvious in a rather rude tone.
Rose ignored Dee and placed a hand on their desk, leaning over at Ryo who was muffling his sneezes. "Is there something bothering you McLain?" he asked gently.
Dee glared at him biting the urge to shove the Commishner out the way.
"Randy's been sneezing non-stop sir." Stan stated, "And none of us know the cause."
"Oh really? Hmm. Then this does pose a problem." Rose said as he glanced over at the Dee. Dee didn't notice for he was too busy trying to help Ryo. Rose sighed and stood up straight. "Detective Laytner, why don't you go and get your partner some water and perhaps some more tissues."
Dee glared at him momentarily before warily standing up. This was no time to be arguing with Rose. Ryo was feeling poorly and Dee would do anything in his power to help his love feel better. Sighing, he headed towards the water coolers.
Once Dee was a good distance away, it seemed that finally, Ryo's sneezing was coming to and end as he sniffled discreetly into his soaked handkerchief.
"Are you alright now Mr. McLain?" Rose asked with the deepest concern.
Ryo coughed before speaking , "Yes sir, sniffle a liddle dizzy bud I'b fide dow."
Rose offered him his own handkerchief which Ryo had no choice but to take gratefully. "Can you explain to me what happened?" he asked after Ryo blew his nose.
"I can't really sniff say-Iitchuu! Exscuse me." Ryo sniffled. " I was perfectly fine all this morning."
"Was there a particular time when all this sneezing occurred? Any specific moment perhaps?"
Ryo thought about this before speaking. "Uhm..no, not that I can think of. I didn't start sneezing till about the time that Dee came in." Ryo stopped himself before shaking his head. "Not that my partner could have anything to do with it."
"Perhaps. But then again, " he said the last part quietly so that Ryo couldn't hear it. "perhaps not."
For the most part, the day went on as usual aside from Ryo once again leaving early , and Dee forced to start smoking again. Drake and the others tried to offer some comfort but comfort could only do so much at the time. In the end Dee managed to pick up a pack of cigarettes on his way home and smoke nearly half of them before heading to bed. To see his love suffering like that and he unable to do anything to help made his heart ache and his head hurt.
"Perhaps all will right itself in the mornin." he said to himself before falling asleep.
The next morning Dee managed to smoke only half a cigarette before heading off to work. When he got there, he was greeted by uneasiness. It seemed that everyone he knew was standing around him , faces a little sullen. "Uh, what's going on here?" he asked nervously.
"Ah, Mr. Laytner. Good to see that you arrived on time.....for once." From within the crowd stood Commishner Rose with a half sincere look on his face. Beside him stood Ryo avoiding his partner's gaze by staring down at his shoes.
Dee ignored Rose's remark and stared at Ryo. "What's going on here? Ryo?"
Ryo only looked up momentarily before looking back down at his feet.
"Well Detective Laytner," Rose spoke. "It seems that we have found ourselves in a dilemma."
Dee raised an eyebrow and looked around at all the others whose faces still held their grim expressions.
Rose continued, "It's quite obvious among the lot that Detective McLain has been suffering under mysterious conditions as of late. It seemed that this unknown illness was a mystery to us all...until now. After doing some research myself, I have discovered that the cause of Detective McLain's sneezing fits, came from none other that...you Detective Laytner."
"What!?" Dee took a step back. "What the hell? What do you mean me? We already settled this-"
"If your talking about your smoking habits, you are wrongly mistaken to think that was the only cause detective." Rose interrupted.
"Only cause?" Dee was getting confused.
"As I was saying from my research, I've found that Detective McLain is actually allergic to the very essence of you."
"Essence? The fu-Ryo that can't be true right? You actually believe him?"
"It's true Dee." Ryo said softly, slowly meeting his gaze.
"But that can't be!" he ran over to Ryo. "There's gotta be another explanation!" "I thought so too bu-huh...but when I-heh...HEHSHOO! IISHHISH! ETCHOO! HAHEHSOO! " he began to sneeze violently causing Dee to take several steps back.
"You see?" Rose began, "You can't get within a foot of the man with him sneezing like this. This kind of problem can not go on as thus. I'm afraid I'll have to reassign you a different partner detective." a hidden smirk that only Dee could see came across the Commishner's face.
"W-what about Ryo?"
"Don't worry, he'll be in good hands with me for the time being. I'll need to run some more...tests." he leaned over , licking the tip of Ryo's ear. Dee felt a fire rage inside him.
"Now no need to look so glum. I happened to reassign you to someone you should be well familiar with." Rose said with a grin.
Before Dee could say anything , he heard a squeal that sent chills up his spine.
"DEE-SEMPAI!"
He whirled around and saw the person the dreaded and feared the most. JJ. The younger man leaped into his arms squealing once more with sheer delight. "Oh Dee isn't this wonderful? All my life I've dreamed of this moment, and now finally, it's come true!"
"No...no...no.." was all Dee could utter while staring into those bright blue eyes.
"Oh yes, yes, yes! Sempai, Im now your new partner! And don't worry Im not allergic to one bit of you!" he sniffed him to make a point."
"No..no..no.." Dee continued on.
"Now we can be together forever and ever and ever...."
Dee looked around wildy at all his colleagues who only shook their heads.
"Sorry man." most of them said.
"He's not so bad after a couple of days." Drake said.
Dee looked over to Ryo who seemed to be fading away with the Commishner.
"He's mine now!" Rose laughed as he held Ryo close.
"Sorry Dee..." was all Ryo could say.
The whole room seemed to spin out of control with all the murmuring voice and JJ's constant "forever and ever...and ever...and ever..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed. Then, there was beeping.
BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP
"NOOO!" Dee jumped up suddenly. He looked around feverishly before finally taking in his current surroundings. He was in a bedroom, in a bed, and beside him was a stirring Ryo, who lazily reached over and shut off the alarm. "R-Ryo?" he asked shakily.
"Dee?" he rubbed at his eyes sleepily. "Something wrong? What's with all the noise?"
It took him a while before he finally spoke, trying to erase the last horrorfying images from his mind. "Hm? Oh, it was nothing. Just a bad dream...I guess?" rubbed a hand over his face.
"A bad dream hm? Well no worries, it's all over now." Ryo sat up more and kissed his cheek. "Ya wanna talk about it?"
Dee shook his head.
"Ok then. Well it's time we started getting ready for work." he yawned before slowly leaving the bed and heading to the bathroom.
Dee sighed heavily as he sat up, looking at the opposite night stand. "It was all a dream?" he mumbled to himself. He gave his head a good shake before reaching over and pulling out a cigarette and grabbing his lighter. Just as he was about to light it, he heard a sudden sound from the bathroom.
"HehEhshh! HuhChoo! sniffle uhg. "
Dee stared at his cigarette and then the lighter , slowly putting them down. "Uh Ryo? Ya know what? I've been doing some thinking about what you said the other night. And well uhm, I've decided to quit smoking after all."
Ryo could only smile.
~The End ~
Stan belongs to me. Everyone else, to their respective owners.
A/N: I'd like to thank Gayle for helpin me w/this story when I was attacked by the evil writer's block monster.
Also, this is my longest FAKE fic I've written as of yet so uhm...just thought you'd like to know that. ^-^;