Youthful Mistakes
a Harry Potter story
by Niki
"Ruddy children," Severus Snape said thickly. "Ruddy children aand that… bloody f-huh… bloody – heh – werew-heh-olf. HuhGUSHoo!" He sniffed miserably and dropped his head into his hand.
"I am sorry about that," Remus said, bringing in a tray of tea and sandwiches. "You know I can't control that." He poured Severus some tea and added a small piece of honeycomb to it.
Snape tried to glare at him, but shivered hard. He looked longingly at the tea, but moved his handkerchief back to his face. "Huh-GUSHoo!"
"Bless you," Remus said, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and throwing it over Severus' legs.
Snape wanted to snap at him and tell him that he did not want to be coddled. But, the next shiver was less intence. Besides, another sneeze was creeping up on him. "Huh…GUSHEEOO!!" The force of the sneeze rocked him forward, and set him off in a long gurgling blow.
Ignoring Severus' suffering, Remus kept talking. "Think of it this wa Severus, at least all of this – my getting fired and your getting sick – happened right before a break. We could both retreat here and lick our wounds, so to speak."
"I do not lick my wounds like a dog, Lupin," Severus snarled. "I deal with them and move past them – on two legs, as a man." He suppressed a few coughs and took a sip of his tea. It was delightful. Even with all of his faults, Remus was still a magnificent care giver. He breathed in the steam until he achieved the desired affect. Quickly, he put down his tea and picked up the handkerchief again. "Gah-HASSHoo!" he sneezed violently.
"Bless. You know, I don't think it was just the damp night air that fell you with this," Remus offered gently.
"Of course not, Lupin. It was those rud-ruddy child-ren…haSHOO!" Severus waited as a few harsh coughs escaped. "The damp night air only deepened it." He sniffed and took another sip of tea.
"I'm certain the dust here isn't helping either. Perhaps you would like to go to your room?"
"Why would that be any better?'
"I'm sure you're not accustomed to conditions as dusty as these," Remus said as he pointed around.
"How would you know what I would be accustomed to? For your information, I grew up in a house rather similar to this. In a situation not unlike Black's."
Remus stood slack-jawed for a moment. "I apologize. I didn't know."
"You never tried to find out, did y=you-HuGUSSHOO!" He groaned and leaned into his chair.
Remus was taken back. "No, I didn't." At Severus' silence he continued. "Your parents were not well of and supportive then?"
Severus chucked. "Not by a long shot. They were poor. My mother was wear and my father abusive." He felt another sneeze forming and held his breath in an effort to whill it away.
Remus was shocked. Not only was the news alarming, but Severus must have been nearly delirious in order to tell him that. He thought about Hogwarts and how it was always a refuge for him and Sirius. "Then Hogwarts was a refuge for you too."
"SssKeeww!" The repressed sneeze snuck out with such force that he had to grab his ears afterwards. He sniffed liquidly. "It was supposed to be. Before you and your stupid fri-en-d-s-HesSHOO!" He blew his nose again. A tickle was rising in his throat. But, he dared not cough, lest he worry Remus more. Then the smothering would never cease.
Remus thought about that. And, about the conversations he used to have about him with Lily. "You were too much alike – you and Sirius."
Severus took a long sip of his tea. "I NEVER attacked you – or anybody else – unprovoked," he hissed. The tickle in his throat started to burn and spread to his nose.
Remus thought about that. Severus was right – about all of it. Remus kicked himself mentally for being so weak as a child. For letting his desire to have friends overrule his sense of what was good and right.
Severus watched him wrestle with the harsh truth. But, where he should have felt vindication, he only felt sorrow. They really weren't so different – he and Remus. Both desperate for a place to fit in. Both willing to take whatever attention they could find – even if it was the wrong sort. "Kuff-huh-GUSHoo!"
The tickle had expelled itself loudly. When Severus had recovered, he looked at the man again. He looked positively ill, and looked as if he was suppressing tears.
He took a deep breath. "Remus, let it go."
"You are still hurt by what we did. Eve all these years later." A sob escaped Remus and he turned to mop up his eyes.
After all these years he had finally made a Marauder cry. But, it only made him feel sad. Remus had never attacked him. He may not have stopped it, but he never did it either. And, Sirius, even though he had every right to be bitter about his life, still donated his home for the sake of the Order. They were not the ones who had traded secrets with the Dark Lord, either.
"Remus, we all made mistakes in our youth." He coughed harshly. "Nothing to be done for it now."
"If I could make it up to you, I would," Remus vowed.
Severus spread the blanket over him and finished his tea. "You are," he said before yawning wildly and drifting to sleep.