Two Sides of Evil
a Harry Potter story
by Niki
*When the devil is too busy, and death's a bit too much. They call on me, by name you see, for my special touch. To the gentlemen I'm misfortune. To the ladies I'm surprise. But, call me by any name. Anyway it's all the same.*
Severus felt his head slowly fill with cement as he sniffled subconsciously. He put his most solemn face forward and concentrated hard to make the tickle in his nose subside. He'd felt the cold coming on when he'd woken up the day before, but he was bound and determined to let it pass without so much as a sneeze or a cough. After all, if he had been able to get through the flu the past winter and bronchitis before that – and the Dark Lord never suspected, he could get through a little head cold unscathed as well.
In his two years with the Dark Lord, he'd seen how unfavorably weakness – or more specifically, illness – was looked upon. It was seen as a failure of wills, and the Dark Lord would have nobody weak or failing on his side.
He sniffled again, and gently and discretely ran a finger under his nose. It was running like it had been when he'd been struck by the flu, but he knew that he could handle it one way or the other.
He and Bella had been watching the Longbottoms for quite some time now. They were next on the Dark Lord's list of targets. He had been reporting to both sides for about six months now, but had not told anybody about this particular assignment. He knew what was best to share and when it was in his best interest not to. He felt that the loss of the Longbottoms would be regrettable to the Cause, but he felt powerless to stop it.
"Hetsshoo!" the sneeze exploded out of him, catching him quite by surprise.
Bella looked up from her notes. "Severus, are you quite alright?" she asked, her scathing look relentless.
"Quite," he answered curtly. He was surprised by the sneeze. It had been so long since he'd sneeze in front of another that he was also quite embarrassed by it. "Must be the dust."
She looked at him skeptically. "Perhaps," she said, turning back to her reading.
He felt another sneeze coming on, stronger than the first. 'This is going to be EXACTLY like the flu,' he thought as he willed the sneeze back into it's hiding place. Quickly, he grabbed one of the dustier books off the shelf. A large puff of dust fell onto him, just in time. "Hetchoo! Hesshoo! Asshoo! Atchoo! CHOO!" he sneezed heavily.
Bella looked at him and rose from her chair. "You're getting sick, aren't you Severus?" she asked. The bitterness rolled off her tongue like ice cream in the summer. "You know how the Dark Lord feels about weakness." She was circling him the way a shark circles its prey. An evil smile twitched onto her lips. "And to think, we all thought you were so powerful that you were immune to illness. I'm sure the Dark Lord would be ever so…interested in this new development."
He shot daggers at her with his eyes. She knew, but he wouldn't admit to it. Even as he felt the coughs rise up in his throat, he was bound and determined not to unleash them. Not now. He couldn't show her this weakness. She would narc on him in an instant, in order to curry favor – and he knew it. But, he face was getting hot with repression, and his nose was starting to run more. If he sniffed he would cough, but if he didn't he wound sneeze. Tears started forming in his eyes as he tried to get his mind off of his predicament.
His hand flew to his face as the sneeze started, "Heh – you don't kn-kn-heh – know wh-AATCH –…"
Just then the door flew open with a bang and Voldemort stepped inside. The surprise made both he and Bella jump, and scared the sneeze back into its hiding place.
"Severus, I have a new task for you," he stated as they bowed down in salutation. "Go back to Dumbledork and tell me what the Longbottoms are REALLY up to. They've been far too complacent and I feel that the time may come to launch our attack. However, I must be sure they are not luring us, only coming off of their guard."
"My Lord," Severus said as he bowed lowly, and rubbed the bottom of his nose. With a flourish and a 'pop' he was off to the Shrieking Shack.
'Pop!' he appeared in the shack and coughed harshly. He was cold as the wind whipped through the planks. He pulled his cloak around tighter and went to leave. No sooner had he turned around, than Zia was there.
He jumped back, "Don't scare me like that!" he shouted.
"Sorry," she said, slowly started to circle him like Bella had been.
"How did you know I was coming?"
"I didn't. I just figured you'd be back. You always come back," she stated plainly.
"How long have you been waiting here?" he asked. It was freezing in the shack and he had begun to shiver. But, he noticed that Zia looked warm and comfortable – as always.
"Long enough," she said as she stopped circling. 'Flushed cheeks, shivering, a red nose. Not again,' she thought.
*I'm the fly in your soup.*
"Hetchoo!" the sneeze snuck up on him again.
'That hangs it,' she thought. "Okay, sit down. I'll be nice to you, seeing as your under the weather and all."
"Het-CHOO!" Sniff. "I'm finde. Sshoo!" he sniffed wetly. He wasn't fine and he knew it. And he knew she knew it, although he still felt like he had to deny it.
"Speak one sentence to me in a straight voice and I might believe it," she shot back at him.
He coughed to clear his throat, and felt his head start to throb. 'Oh no, not again,' he thought as he realized this was not just a head cold.
"I'm fine, my dear. I do make my living on not sh-showing…eh… weaken...heh..ess. HETchoo! HesSHOO! KesSHOO!" His head pounded and he felt the world spin.
"Not bad. You almost had me fooled." Her voice was straight and elegant, but hinted with sympathy.
*I'm the pebble in your shoe.*
"However," she continued, "I know you better, Severus Snape. I knew you better at Hogwarts, and I know you better now. After all, who was the only one who knew about the last 2 times you got sick – and I don't mean some piddly head colds. I know you can handle those on your own, but laid out in bed sick?"
He glowered at her. "You," he seethed.
"And who made sure you were able to do your job appropriately?"
"You." He was scathing mad. She was the best healer he'd ever met, but he hated the fact that she seemed to hold it all over his head. "That's right, me. And you'd best be grateful. You know what would happen to you if the Dark Lord caught you sick."
Severus thought back to that last winter when he wasn't the only death eater who was ill. In fact, he was the only Death Eater who didn't show some sign or symptom of illness, putting him in the closest circle of the Dark Lord's trust. He couldn't have done it without Zia's help, though he was loath to admit it.
"So, sit down, shut up and let me do my job!" she practically yelled this at him, which took him off guard. Zia could be intense, but she didn't typically go so far as to yell.
*I'm the demon in your bed.*
He knew that he could trust her. More importantly, he knew he had to. But he didn't want to be confronted with all that he had done… again. His job had taught him to numb himself and his emotions – they didn't matter after all. But her job was to release them, and just as he had experienced them while they were going into his mind, so would he have to release them as they exited his mind. A noble cause for her worthy talent, but just because he needed it to happen didn't mean he wanted it to happen. "Ketchoo!" The sneezes were becoming wetter. He groaned as he blew his nose into his now soggy handkerchief. In fact, all he wanted to do was sleep.
"Salute," she said quietly. Her temper had calmed, as she saw beads of sweat pop out on his brow, but she was still intensely waiting for him to let her do her job. It would be so much easier to do if he wasn't completely ill when she did it. Slowly, she made her way to him and tried to feel for a fever.
"Don't touch me!" he yelled as he pulled away.
"Then let me do my job, or I will pin you down and take what I want!"
*I'm the bump on every head.*
He was darkly humored by the proposal, but he knew what she wanted to take from him. Sadly, though her beauty was intoxicating, her gifts were not so pleasurable.
*I'm the peel on which you slip.*
"You couldn't," he challenged. She could and she had, but he liked getting her angry. It was like revenge for the torture that she put him through each time they met. "Hetchoo!"
"Salute. Remus has it too. And Albus is coming down with it. Don't make this harder on yourself than it has to be," she said soothingly. He relieved his nose with a loud honk. A burst of cool air tickled the inside of his nose. "HETCH!!" The sneeze tossed him forward, and she steadied him by the arm. He was so grateful that she didn't allow him to go sprawling to the floor. But, he didn't have the words to express it. He was sick. Very sick. And he was angry about it. "Now you listen to me! You can't take what's not yours – what I don't give! You're nothing but an expendable healer!" He grabbed her and went to forcefully push her away to emphasize her weakness.
*I'm the pin in every hip.*
She dug her heels in and grabbed his upper arm, thereby throwing off his balance. When he rocked back, she threw him to the floor and grabbed the back of his neck, closing her fingers around his spine. She pulled his neck back so that she could look him in the eyes. Stunned, he just looked at her as she hissed, "You may not like me, but you will respect me."
He felt like his neck was snapping, and he could feel her nails being to draw blood. "A little dark for a healer." He winced as she adjusted the pressure.
"It's my job to get what I need out of you. And I will."
*I'm the thorn in your side, makes you wiggle and writhe.*
Her emerald green eyes seemed to turn black and he could feel her probing his mind. His nose started to tickle uncontrollably. He tried to put up his mental shields, but she was in control of the situation. He was afraid to sneeze lest his head snap forward and she beak his neck.
His breath hitched. He tried to bring his hand up, but the healing had begun and the memories were flashing in rapid fire succession. He was being confronted and released from each memory. His stomach turned. He felt exhausted. He still needed to sneeze. He no longer felt the pressure on his neck, but he was unable to move. She hadn't released him, but it was ending. He felt himself coming out of it.
*And it's so easy when you're evil.*
Zia let go of his hair. She put what she'd seen aside. She'd compartmentalize and catalog later. Right now, Severus needed to be fixed. His soul had been detoxed, but his body was still in need.
*This is the life you see, the devil tips his hat to me.*
Severus snapped forward violent as five harsh wet sneezes shook his body. "Huh…HUTCHOOO! Ahhh…TCHOO! Ah-TCHOOO! EtCHOO! Hshixkt!"
He tried to maintain dignity as he picked up his dropped handkerchief, but the exhaustion made him drop to the floor. Zia could also tell the last one really hurt, as he'd tried to stifle it. She walked forward to help him up.
"Don't heh-hetchoo! *sniff* touch me!" he snapped at her, as he brushed the stray strands of black hair that had fallen into his eyes.
She backed off and looked at him. "You're still hiding things from me, you know. But let's get you up to snuff before you go see Dumbledore. Come on, to the couch with you."
She lead him to an old tattered and worn couch that looked like it was past it's prime about 100 years earlier. Wearily, he laid down. She performed a simple diagnostic spell on him and sighed. "Well, it's not flu, that's a good thing I suppose."
Surprised by the news he asked, "Well than whad is id?" His sinuses were filling up at an alarming rate and his throat was too raw to clear.
"Oh, don't get me wrong, it's a terrible head cold you've got. Nearest to the flu that I've seen in years, but it's not the flu. A few of the others have it as well, and the doctors all say it's just a bad head cold."
Concern grew within his chest…or were those coughs? "How is Abus?"
"He's doing well enough," she answered. She didn't want to tell him that Dumbledore was the first to contract whatever this was. His sneezing and coughing had become so severe that the Order had to hide him at Grimmauld Place. Even now, two weeks later, he still hadn't fully recovered.
"You doe, I could jus' go ind and ged thad inforbation." Severus tried to sound threatening, but found it very difficult to do through the congestion.
"Well you could try," Zia challenged.
He could, but he wouldn't. He felt too miserable right now. "Atchhisshh!" The sneeze had snuck up on him suddenly, and he sneezed it freely. "Excuse be," he said miserably.
"Of course," she said nonchalantly. She knew he wouldn't rest until he felt comfortable, and he wouldn't feel comfortable if she scorned him for being sick. That's not what she was here for.
"You doe, that dreatbent gets bore and bore indense every dime."
"Well, you do more and more that needs pulling every time."
He groaned. This hadn't been where he thought he'd be at this stage of his life. Sick and cold and caught between a world of death and life. Even when he'd joined the Dark Lord, this was not the answer he was looking for.
*I do it all because I'm evil. And I do it all for free."
Zia went and sat down at a desk, which she had quite obviously brought from elsewhere. "You rest now, I'll start drawing together the images, and wake you when it's time to go."
"D-Do you have enough to repord?"
"Plenty for now. You know I'll take it if I need more." Her words sounded so cold, even to her. She remembered being placed in Ravenclaw, at Hogwarts, and studying to enhance her natural abilities – well outside what was taught in the classroom. She remembered the life she had planned and how scared she had become when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named rose to power and started executing healers one by one. By that time she'd already become a prominent soul healer, traveling the world to help witches, wizards, and even a few muggles to get past that which their mind held in. To help them release it gently and unobtrusively. But, when she had to choose life or death, she chose life…and this is where it lead her: to a cold shack in the middle of nowhere dragging out the memories of those who she needed information from. It was not the way she envisioned her life. Not at all.
Severus sniffed, as if waiting for something, but not wanting to disturb her.
"Severus, you are forgiven." It was said in almost an inaudible whisper, but he heard it. This was the cincher. The closing statement of what he needed in order for his mind to reset itself.
*Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.*
With those simple little words, so quietly spoken tears leaked from the corners of Severus' eyes. He tried to sniffle, but was too plugged up. He had to just let it out. As the feeling of forgiveness set in, the torment crept out. And, it crept out in the form of tears.
Zia looked up. She watched him cover his face in shame and sadness. Generally, she let him deal with his deeds on his own, but he was ill this time. She rose from the desk and knelt down next to him. "Severus, it's okay. You're not alone." Generally met with scorn, she was not prepared for the hug that he engulfed her in. She met his embrace with that of her own and held him until he sobbed himself to sleep. *I pledge my allegiance to all things dark, and I promise on my da[r] ned soul to do what I am told.*
Severus woke with a start. Zia had her wand pointed directly at him, and if looks could kill he wouldn't have woken up at all.
"So, Pettigrew is talking to the Dark Lord, is he?" she spat out 'Dark Lord' like it was a bitter taste.
"How? What?" Severus could not understand what she was talking about. He was groggy and tired and thought he was safe, until about five seconds previously. Besides, he hadn't let her into those parts of his memory.
"Another double agent? No, he hasn't been reporting to us. A spy? What is it? What is he doing? You know don't you? Let me back in." She was mad, enraged actually. She didn't give him time to answer. He withhold vital information, not merely things he could cope with on his own. That was not a condition agreed to between him and Dumbledore.
He felt his mind shut down. "I will not," he snapped back, a little too loudly. A coughing fit painfully wracked his body. She stood there, wand still at the ready. She didn't trust that this was part of his illness until he was gasping for air with raspy breaths but still not able to take any in.
"Here," she said tenderly placing a hand on his chest. Effortlessly, he felt the tensions release and the coughing subside. "Sorry I don't have any tea. I wasn't expecting us to stay here this long. But, I do have a few more things to do before I take you back."
"Like kill be?"
"It's high on the list if you don't tell me why you mumbling about Pettigrew in your sleep."
"He is what you think he is," Severus relented. 'She earned the tid- bit,' he thought. As he drifted back to sleep, he wondered how someone so intoxicatingly beautiful and dangerously strong could also be so gentle and caring.
*For Beelzebub has never seen a soldier quite like me. Not only does his job, but does it happily.*
Severus took a deep breath. He was still dizzy with fever, but Zia was right, she had to go back in.
Zia came over and sat down next to him.
"Do you like you job?" he asked her suddenly.
"I do."
"Why?"
Zia looked at him, puzzled. She really hadn't thought about it. She liked the power. And knowing things. She liked helping a worthy cause. And, the fact that it kept her alive. But, she answered, "I have a unique skill, and it's in demand. I'm enjoying that while it lasts."
Severus nodded. He understood the need to be needed. And he knew, all too well, the fear of uselessness, and the consequences it could hold.
He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, as she went back in.
As the fog lifted, Severus saw Zia scribbling notes.
"Hey," he called out weakly.
She looked at him, the color drained from her cheeks. "You hide so much. But, I got what I needed. This is going to be a hard report to give."
He sniffled. Unlike usual he didn't remember this one. He barely knew it had happened. He figured it was a hidden trait from her soul healer days.
"Are you a pure-blood?" he asked, despite himself.
"Mostly."
"How are you mostly a p-heh-pu-eh-pure – Heatchoo! pure-blood?"
"I'm 5th generation first born witch on my mothers side, and 6th on my fathers. Before that the family tree gets a bit muddled though. We've all be active throughout history. Nobody wanted to keep records." What she didn't say was that he line had been traced back well over 700 years on both sides, making her just about as pure as it possible.
*I'm the fear that keeps you awake.*
Severus slipped into another fitful dream. He saw the moon casting a blue shadow on the room as he watched the shadows approach him.
*I'm the shadows on the wall.*
The death eaters silently filed into the room. "We hear you've been seeing a healer," Lucius seethed at him.
"Never!" Severus spat back. He felt the fear creep throughout his body.
One by one the death eaters removed their hoods and drew their wands.
*I'm the monsters they become.*
He felt himself getting struck by lightening. Searing streaks of electricity shot through his body as he felt his life force shake violently. But, he'd been training for this. He pulled in the pain and dropped to his knees. He would not scream. He could not scream.
*I'm the nightmare in your skull.*
He knew if he'd just give her up, they would leave him alone. He knew the pain would stop. But, a healer that strong would be devastating to those who opposed the Dark Lord.
*I'm the dagger in your back.*
His dreams quickly shifted to Zia, standing beside the Dark Lord, fixing the death eaters, smiling at him, viciously.
*An extra turn upon the rack.*
The pain stopped just long enough for Lucius to kneel down, and whisper, "We know your little secret."
*I'm the whimpering of your heart, a stabbing pain, a sudden start.*
He watched as Zia's eyes, usually so full of compassion turned hard and black. "Gotcha," she whispered, darkly.
*And it's so easy when you're evil.*
Severus woke up with a start. Zia had her hand on his forehead. "Shhh," she soothed. "Your fever spiked. It's okay, just rest." What she didn't say ways, 'It's not like you were resting well, anyway.' Her eyes darted around the shack. She knew something was going to happen. Something bad. Something soon. "Come on, we have to get going. Dumbledore is expecting us soon." She took a hold of his arm and started to help him up. She doubted very much the 'bad' feeling she was getting had to do with Dumbledore, but she knew that he could protect them.
Dazed he let her help him. He felt worse. So much worse than he had before.
Quickly, she placed a hand on his pounding heart. "Forgiven," she whispered.
He gasped as a flood of unforeseen emotions overwhelmed him. As he let the tears fall, she stood him up, and gathered up her notes. "heh- heh-he- atchhisshh!" he sneezed wetly, barely able to catch it. He was dizzier than he could remember being in a long long time. Even the last bout of flu hadn't been this bad. He shivered uncontrollably.
"Bless," she said absent mindedly. She wanted to make sure she didn't leave anything behind.
"Heh-," he felt his fever rise, "eh-" and a little more, "Heh- shhhhh!" he sneezed wetly, freely, and sank back down on the couch. The world was swimming infront of his eyes. "What's habbending?" he asked, weakly.
"Oh no, Sev, you've got to stand up for me. We're going to apparate n-."
*This is the life, you see.*
The door downstairs slammed open, and heavy footsteps entered. "Now," she said, helping him off the couch.
He started to cough deeply.
Knowing the dangers of moving someone while in 'active' state, she put her hand on his chest and flooded it with healing energy.
*The devil tips his hat to me.*
Suddenly, the door to their room was flung off the hinges and He-Who- Must-Not-Be-Named was standing there, along with Lucius Malfoy.
Straightening up and looking 99% better, Severus bowed deeply. Zia matched him with a curtsy. "May I help you, My Lord?" he asked. Zia could still hear the congestion in his voice, but he had taken great strides to make most of his illness.
"How have you been faring?" he asked Severus in the most matter of fact way.
"No concern to be – ha-ha –," the sneeze was going to come out whether he liked it or not. He braced to stifle it. Zia saw it too and willed it away for him, allowing him to continue with his sentence. "-had My Lord." He finished just as strongly had he'd begun.
"I know you've been unwell, Severus. But, unlike most, you seem to be able to control your illness. I admire that strength within you," He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named stated.
Severus bowed his head. His nose was still tickling furiously, but another force seemed to be in control of it…and of his fever. He knew it was still high, but he was able to function with minimal adverse affects. He looked at Zia. She was still in a deep curtsy waiting to be addressed. 'Is she working for him?' he wondered.
"And, as for you," he said turning to Zia. "No need to shield, my dear. I'll take what I want in due time. Severus says you're quite remarkable. The only healer worth keeping alive, I believe were the words. And there are others who call you Dumbledore's secret weapon."
"You are too gracious, my Lord," Zia said, humbly. She'd been preparing for this. All soul healers came face to face with him at some point. It was only a matter of time until her job led him straight to her…or maybe it was the other way around.
"Well see," he said, plainly. "Lucius, do it."
With that she drew her wand. Lucius tried to expel it from her hand, but she was ready for him, and it stayed put. "Do what?" she hissed.
Lucius' lips curled maniacally. "She's not stupid, I'll give her that," he said. "Look into my eyes."
She did. But didn't let him go in. She stopped him at her eyes.
"I see strength with vibrancy."
"Well go in further," He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named commanded.
"I see -," he started, but she continued, "I see concern, fear, for an unborn child. Ah ha. Apparently, Mr. Malfoy here wants a child. And wants to be sure he will be provided for within the ranks of your Dark Army." She had steady hold of him now. Turning oculmancy against another was one of those traits that she kept secret from everybody. Although, it was a primary skill which let her do her job. He tried to break free, but she had him strong, "And… I see what you mean about Severus being able to control his illness. It seems you've been having some trouble among the ranks?" What she didn't say was that she saw Bella, whining in bed, sick with the same Severus had. And, that Lucius himself was starting to come down with a terrible chest cold. 'He'll find it out in due time,' she thought, subconsciously. She broke the connection.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was sitting on the couch, looking quite entertained. "Well Lucius, she read you like a book. Reversal's a rare trait, my dear. However did you learn it?"
"I had the fortune of being born with it, my Lord," she lied.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named looked disappointed. Undoubtedly, it was a trait he wanted. One that he would take from her, if need be. "There must be a way to teach it."
"I'm sure."
*I do it all because I'm evil.*
"What are my weaknesses?" He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named asked.
But, she would not be bated. "You have no weaknesses, my Lord."
Severus smiled, despite himself. He still wasn't sure if his dream had been a nightmare or a premonition, but he was willing to wait it out.
"You were in Slytherin, weren't you?" He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named asked.
"Ravenclaw."
"You're a bit dark for Ravenclaw."
"I do what I have to," she stated.
While Lucius watched this transpire, he felt his chest grow heavy. She was nothing if not right about everything else. But, how would a healer not notice that he was getting sick. He wondered what her strengths really were. He sniffed lightly, and thought he saw a flicker in Zia's eyes as he did so.
"Here," Zia said, giving him a silk handkerchief.
He looked scandalized. 'Ah ha! She's not really a healer after all!' he thought. "What would I need this for?" he asked, taking it gingerly.
*And I do it all for free.*
"Hm…I must be losing my touch," she said, as she acted as a channel from Severus' symptoms to Lucius' body.
Suddenly, Severus' nose stopped tickling. He took a deep breath in. Nothing. But, he noticed that Lucius looked ghostly.
Lucius felt it too. He felt his nose start to tickle furiously. "Heh-heh-eh- AtishOOOO! AtishOOOO! AtishOOOO! Huh…HUTCHOOO! ITchesshoo! Shooo!" He blew his nose into the silk handkerchief, but the pressure barely released. "Excuse be, By Lord." The heaviness in his chest started to tighten. He felt heavy coughs waiting to come out.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named looked at Lucius, disgusted. "I brought you to be strong. Can you not do even the little things I ask of you?"
Lucius cleared his throat. "Of course, by L-," Zia took another bout of sneezes from Severus, "Katchoo! Hisshoo! Hesshoo! Atcheew!" he sniffed miserably. "By Lord."
Enraged He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named turned to Zia. "Fix him!" he ordered.
"Of course, my Lord," she said elegantly, as she transferred the illness back into Severus. Lucius felt better, more tolerable, but his chest was still tight.
"Well?" He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named demanded.
"It is done," she stated. She took a fleeting glance at Severus. It most certainly had been. He looked worn out. She stifled his sneezing and fever again. And turned her attention back to Lucius.
"Well?" He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named demanded.
He felt the tightness in his chest, but was not about to complain about it. "Amazing," he said clearly and without complaint.
*Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.*
"And," Zia continued, "incase it starts coming back, drink this." She handed him an unmarked vial of herbs. It'll help your symptoms considerably.
"Do you think I'm insane?" Lucius bellowed. "I will not drink that which has not been tested."
"Of course not." She shook the vial and put some, without water, on her tongue, chewed and swallowed. Her throat burned like wildfire but she said, "Now, that wasn't so bad was it? Now, just think of how harmless it would be when diluted with water."
Lucius took the bag and stuffed it into his robes.
"Will it help them all?" He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named asked.
"It will."
"Welcome to the Death Eaters, my girl. You will heal my soldiers, and I will bring them to an undisclosed location each time. Now, it's time for you to make your vow."
Zia always knew this day could come. In a moment of panic she squeezed into Lucius' chest. Heavy throaty coughs wracked the slender man's body.
"You fool! I need both of you to witness this, you know that!"
But Lucius couldn't stop coughing.
"Fix Him!" he bellowed at Zia, with his wand extended. She released his chest.
"My Lord," Severus interrupted, "would it not be better to do the full ceremony for this one. Take her back and introduce her as the healer we turned off of Voldemort? Besides, don't we need to watch her a little more. She turned a little easily, don't you think?"
"Yes, of course," He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named relented. "We will then take our leave. Go, both of you, to Dumbledore. And bring back the knowledge about his next move."
About 10 minutes after both He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and Lucius apparated out of the room, Zia relinquished her hold on Severus.
"Is it safe now?" she asked.
He nodded, and sank into the couch, feeling his temperature rise again. "That was ama-ama-a-heh-heATCHOO! HetCHOO! HehSHOO! Hehshoo! Shoo! KetCHOO!" His head swam, and he felt Zia pull him off the couch.
With a small 'pop' they were back in Dumbledore's study.
Zia held onto him tightly. "It's okay Sev, just let yourself go. You're safe now," she whispered.
"Atchoo! Hxxsht!" He winced in pain. He wanted to stop the sneezing and couldn't understand why he got so much worse all of the sudden.
"You're back!" a smiling Dumbledore said as he approached them. He looked at the two of them and his smile quickly faded. "Oh my, what's happened now?"
*It gets so lonely being evil.*
"So that's it? To keep yourself alive you took the road Severus did?" Dumbledore asked, as he poured them both tea.
"Sort of. Severus got me out of getting the mark, but I'm going to have to be a LOT more careful. I'm on their scope now." She took a sip. She couldn't get warm or stop shaking. She remembered only being this scared once. And, that was why she was here now, as a transformation from her former self. "It's only a matter of time. You know that Severus will turn you in if he has to."
"I know."
"Which side are you on?" Dumbledore asked point blank.
"Yours! This! Against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! How can you ask such a question?"
"Then you must do what you must do to stay alive. I will tell the proper channels about your predicament. You will not be permitted to soul heal anybody except the Death Eaters, until Voldemort is defeated."
"I understand." Tears were in her eyes. This was not the path she wanted to take. 'Maybe,' she thought, 'I should have let him take me when he had the chance.'
*What I'd do to see a smile, even for a little while.*
"How is Severus?" Remus asked.
"Fine."
"And how are you?"
"Fine." She didn't mean to be curt with him. She just didn't have a lot to say. She felt so lost, empty and out of place.
"You're still one of us, Zia. We don't begrudge you that."
"I know."
He got quiet for a while. "Have I offended you in some way? You used to talk to me."
She looked into his brown troubled eyes. "No, Remus. I just have a lot going on right now."
"I understand." Quietly, he walked away from her. He wouldn't push if she didn't want to talk. He knew she would come around in due time – at least he hoped she would.
Zia went into the room at the end of the hall. "Hey Sev, how're you feeling?"
"HetCHOO! <sniff> Better." He blew his nose, quietly, and tucked away the handkerchief.
"Listen," they both started at the same time. "You first," said Zia.
"Listen, Zia. You were a good actress back there. The best. I'm going to make it so they don't make you a Death Eater, just a follower. That way, you won't have to get the Dark Mark, and you won't have to make an unbreakable vow."
"I appreciate that, Severus. Thank you." It was much more than she had expected.
She opened her mouth to say something, but changed her words, "Did you know you'd been followed?"
"No." He sniffed. "HetpCHOO!"
"Bless," she whispered.
"Why did I get so much worse afterwards?" he asked.
He had a right to know. "Because I basically attacked an already weakened body with a virus that would have hurt a healthy one."
He nodded. It had only been a few hours since the encounter, but it felt like a lifetime. "HetCHOO!"
"Bless." She got up, "I should let you get some rest. Sleep well, Severus. And, if you need anything, just call."
He nodded. He wanted to snap that he wouldn't need help. But he could see fear and hurt in her eyes already. He didn't want to press the issue.
*And no one loves you when you're evil.*
Zia sat alone in her room. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Her skills had been tested and she'd come through, but at what cost? She couldn't soul heal her friends, only her enemies. She felt worlds apart from everyone, at the place she counted as home. She could hear their laughter downstairs, but was afraid to join it. She pictured herself walking into the room and everyone stopping. She felt like a dark cloud covered her. 'Avada Kedavra,' she thought to herself. That would end a lot.
She thought of her favorite song from 'Into the Woods': "No more questions, please. No more tests. No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers who never knew. No more quests. No more feelings. Time to shut the door. Just no more."
She tried not to think of the counter argument from the same song. About not really dying because people remember.
She started to sob. This wasn't where she wanted to be. And there was only one way to get out of it.
She awoke to a quiet knock. She didn't remember falling asleep, and her face was still wet. So, she figured it couldn't have been long before.
"Z?" It was Remus and peaking over his shoulder was Sirius.
"Hi guys," she squeaked. Her voice felt weak. She felt weak all over.
"You okay?" the entered the room and closed the door behind them.
"Fine." She sniffed. She'd never been less fine in her life. She also had no idea how to explain the situation.
"We still love you, Zia," Sirius blurted out.
"What?"
Remus shot him a look. "Zia, we don't care that your function changed. You're still the strong witty person that went face to face with the Dark Wizard and two Death Eaters and walked out unscathed.
"But changed," she added.
"Yes, but for the better. Just think of it. It's not that you're a double agent. It's that you're a better spy. We appreciate your function. And, you can still take care of us…just not our inner minds. Things won't change that much." Sirius had a good point.
"But will everyone still let me?" she countered.
*I'm lying through my teeth. Your tears are all the company I need.*
Suddenly, they all heard Severus started to scream. "NO!!! NO!!! ZIA!!! NO!!!"
They ran into his room. He was still dreaming, curled into a corner of the bed, screaming. "TELL THEM NO!!! ZIA!!!"
Before they could stop her, Zia rushed to his side. "Shhhh! Shhh! Severus!" She tried to calm him down, but he began to flail.
Sirius started to draw his wand.
"Put that away!" she called out, anticipating the move.
"Severus!"
He stirred.
She called again.
This time sat bolt right up. She held him as he cried, and clung to her. "Don't let them do the curse. Don't let them kill you."
"Nobody's doing a curse on me, hush now."
"No, I felt it. Your life force depleting."
"It's all under control now."
She heard Remus and Sirius quietly leave.
"Don't do it, Zia. This isn't a bad thing. You're not a bad thing. This is good. For the cause. For all of us."
"Thank you, Sev. I've got it now." She climbed under the covers and the snuggled throughout the night, leaning on each other for more than just warmth. Needing companionship.
Dark. Mention of a turning stomach.
Some background on how Severus Snape and Zia (my original soul healer character) worked together during the original rise of Voldemort. To the song of When You're Evil, by Voltaire.
HP isn't mine. The song, When You're Evil, is by Voltaire. The term 'Soul Healer' is SuperImmuneGirl's. Zia is my own creation.