Then and Now
a Harry Potter story
by Niki
"Have you eaten, Rem?" James asked, shoving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich under his nose.
"Yup," Remus lied, pushing the sandwich away.
"Really?" James asked quizzically. "When?"
"Sirius made sure I ate earlier." What he left out was that he'd lied to Sirius as well, and told him that Lily had brought him breakfast.
"Odd," James said, sliding the sandwich back at him, "because when I talked to Sirius, he said you ate for Lils. But, when I asked Lily, she told me that you said you're not a breakfast person. So, according to my calculations, you haven't eaten anything all day."
Remus looked at James. "There's just no time!" he snapped. "With the tests and the homework and the 3-4 days off a month…plus holidays are coming up - and there there's Sirius and Peter, and your quittach. There's just no time for me to stop. I mean, James, don't you get it? I'm going to have a hard enough time getting a job without having poor grades as well!"
James gave him a sympathetic look. "Rem, we're years away from graduation. You've never gotten a bad grade in your life - not even in potions."
Remus winced, he hated that he was so bad at a subject that kept him alive and coherent.
James noticed and placed a hand on Remus' arm. "Look mate. It's just a sandwich. Besides, you know you study best on a full stomach." And, with that, he plunked down a glass of milk. "Eat," he commanded.
Remus smiled and took a bite of his sandwich. James was right after all.
James sniffled. "Peter what are you doing?" He had been walking past Filch's office and saw him just sitting in a chair. When he peaked in the room, he noticed that Peter was all alone.
"Sitting detention," Peter replied, humbly.
James sniffled again and looked around for Mrs. Norris. "Peter, there's nobody here. Come on, let's go drag Remus to dinner."
"Sirius, don't!" James warned, as he reached for Sirius' fork. But, it was too late. Sirius' fork sprang up and splattered mashed potatoes all over Remus - and his books.
Remus just sat there, shocked. "How could you do that, Pads?"
"Oh, lighten up, Moony, it'll come off," Sirius said lightly. He started flicked his peas at James and Remus. "You both look so serious."
Peter sat next to him, giggling. But he was the only one who was laughing. Remus was still glaring at him, as he wiped the mashed potatoes off his books. And, James had his eyes closed and his jaw slightly slacked.
"HetChoo!" James sneezed suddenly.
The three others looked at him quickly. "You feeling okay, Prongs?" Sirius asked.
James nodded as another sneeze crept out of him. "Hetshoo! ETChoo!" Or two. He sniffled, but was too congested. "Shoo!"
Remus put his arm around James' shoulders. His arm brushed the back of James' neck. "You're running a fever. Come on, let's take you to Madam Pomfrey."
"No!" both James and Sirius snapped at him.
"Moony I don't even like visiting you in there, what makes you think I want to go when I'm sick?" James continued.
Remus shrunk back. "Okay," he said quietly, as Sirius helped James up and the four of them went back to Gryffindor tower.
After they got him tucked into bed, Peter and Sirius went back for desert - at James' insistence. The only person that James wanted to stay was Remus. But, Remus was acting oddly, and went back to the common area to study. Not, that James hadn't tried to get him to stay, but the message got confused in the illness -
"Hey, Prongsy, do you want me to stay with you?" Remus had asked, timidly.
Knowing that Remus was only timid when he was upset, James tried to answer with his own sarcastic brand of humor. "heh-Ketshh! Excuse me. Why would I want a workaholic like you to stay? You'll probably make me say potions theory to put me to sleep - and then I'll dream about schoolwork, and what kind of dreams are those?" He followed it up with a wink, but Remus seemed to have missed both the wink and the sarcasm.
With hurt eyes, he looked at James and told him that he'd be in the common area, if James needed anything. And with that he was gone. -
James was mentally kicking himself now. Nobody could take care of a friend like Remus. Then again, nobody had more practice. With Remus' affliction, he was sick at least once a month - sometimes more. He knew what they all needed before they even asked for it. That's why he wanted Remus to stay. He knew that he felt miserable, but only Remus would know how to fix it.
"Heh-eh'Kishh!" he sneezed wetly. His head was throbbing and his throat started to feel dry and scratchy. "eh-heh-Eh-KESSH!" His head pounded and he swore his ears were going to blow out. He reached for his handkerchief, but after only a few blows it was soaked through. He wanted to call out to Remus, but he didn't think his throat could handle it. So, he curled into himself and tried to get some sleep.
Remus sat in the common area, but he didn't do any work. He already convinced himself that it was the hospital wing, not him, which James didn't like to visit. He remembered that James was terribly afraid of being given a bitten tasting potion - and not being able to keep it down. But, why wouldn't he like to visit Remus, then? It wasn't like he had to take any of the potions that Remus did. Boy was that some icky tasting stuff.
He took a deep breath and was startled out of his day dream by another one of James' sneezes. They were getting worse - wetter and louder.
His thoughts over took him again. The workaholic thing - he thought -
it must have been a joke. Not that he wasn't a workaholic, but that he'd put it before his friends. As he sat in the chair, though, he realized that it was exactly what he was currently doing, and James needed him. He knew what he had to do.
Black swirls of silver stars glistened before his eyes. The room was spinning at an alarming rate, and James was afraid that if he didn't hold on -and tight- he was going to be tossed right off. "Rem?" he mumbled. "Rem?" Then he remembered the joke. The slight he'd given him, and the back handed comment about the hospital wing. He felt beside him, expecting to feel Remus on the bed, either snuggled next to him, or sitting on the edge.
Remus, with those concerned -but not pitying- eyes. Remus, with his firm, but oh so gentle touch, and a voice that could sooth even the toughest of headaches. `What if Remus never came back?' he wondered. `What if this was the final straw? That Mr. Perfect got tired to being snapped at and talked back to?' Remus was always there for his friends. But, James felt the bed and knew that there was nobody in it but himself.
He felt the panic swell up inside him. "Rem?" His breath got short and his dizziness worse. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he knew he couldn't see straight when he opened his eyes. He shut them, and the world seemed to turn less violently - but it was still turning.
"Shhh… hush now, Jamie. You've got quite the fever there," a very comforting and oh so soothing voice said to him. He felt a cold compress be laid on his forehead. The world started to slow down its spinning.
"Rem?" he croaked. His throat hurt terribly.
"Here, Jamie. Sit up, and drink some."
It was Remus, James was sure of it. But, he still dared not open his eyes. "I-I can't. I can't sit up. I just can't!" He started to get hysterical.
"Shhh, Jamie, it's okay. Here." Remus took the corner of a handkerchief and dipped it into the water. He moistened James' lips with it, and let him suck out the excess.
"Thanks," James breathed.
"No problem. How long have you been feeling like this, Pronsy?"
James smiled. "A-a-eh-heh-Eh-KessTCHOO!" The sneeze bent him in half, throwing him forward.
Remus caught him by the shoulders and held him up. "Here, drink now," he commanded.
"In ju-jua- just a - heh-EK'ISSH!" James tried to catch his sneeze, but realized he didn't when his hand didn't get caught in the spray. He hoped he missed Remus. "Oh, Rem, I'm -."
"No worries, Jamie, you didn't get me."
James sighed with relief.
"Now drink," Remus commanded again, still holding James in a sitting position.
James opened his eyes slowly. The silver swirls were still there, but he could see Remus - and those kind eyes. Remus slowly raised the cup to James' lips, and James drank slowly. He felt the cool crisp water fill him, and cool him. Just when he'd had enough, Remus pulled the cup away and laid him back down.
"Thanks, Rem," he said, with a bit more conviction than last time.
"No problem, Jamie. You know that."
James nodded. He knew that. That's why he wanted Remus there. "Rem?"
"Yea?"
"Rem, I'm s-so-ohr-s-eh-Kesshh!" That sneeze he was able to catch in the crook of his arm.
"Bless. Here," Remus said, handing him a handkerchief. He put the cold compress back onto James' forehead.
"Thanks. Rem?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry."
"About what?" Remus asked, innocently.
"Well," James licked his lips. "About snapping at you and saying that I don't like to visit you."
Remus' heart sank. That was what he said. `But, he's apologizing,' he told himself, `so maybe it's not what he meant. Maybe…' "It's okay," he said, out loud. "It must get tiresome visiting me month after month. I can't blame you for not wanting to. If it makes you feel better, you don't have to come. I - I'll understand." Remus was glad Jame's fever was so high. That way he couldn't see the tears in Remus' eyes. It was the hardest speech he'd had to give in a long time. And, he was terrified that it meant the end of his friends being there for him the morning after his transformations.
As James listened to his friend trying to separate himself from their lives, his breathing started to get heavy again. "Rem, I didn't mean it. It's not you - it's hospitals - they give me the walking willies. I'd visit you no matter where you were." He caught a sob in his chest. He didn't want to cry, but it felt like the tears were going to come, one way or the other.
"Hush, now Jamie. Prongsy. James. Listen to me. I knew what you meant -," he lied.
"Then why did you get timid?"
Remus stopped. James had him there. He gently caressed James' cheek, and brushed his damp brown hair off his forehead. "I didn't doubt you Jamie," Remus assured him. The truth wouldn't do any good right now. `And even if he didn't like visiting me, I mean who could blame him? I can't be much to look at…' Memories of James being there for him, every month, and often several times a month flooded his memory. He remembered all the times James made sure he ate, or made sure he slept, or got him out of the common room and made sure he went to bed, or sat up with him when Sirius was sick or sad or angry. Guilt flooded through him. How could he have ever wanted to begrudge a friend, who was always there for him, anything?
James could almost feel the hurt radiating off of Remus. Or, was that his fever? Maybe it was the fever. He couldn't tell. He knew better than anybody - well anybody except Sirius - how sensitive Remus was about his affliction. He had held Remus when he cried over being different, and had assured him time and time again that he didn't mind seeing him - and wouldn't have it any other way. He wondered how much damage had been done with that one simple statement. A statement that wasn't even meant.
He knew that Remus was no weakling, and that he generally had a fairly thick skin. But, as with all people, there was a limit, and he fretted as he wondered if he had crossed Remus'. Remus who always had a smile, joke, or helping hand. Remus, who took their notes and made sure that none of them failed. "But, you didn't answer the question. Why did you get timid?"
Remus thought about his words carefully. "Because I knew you must be really not feeling well to say something like that, and I didn't want to make you feel crowded."
James nodding, relieved. "And, Rem?"
"And don't you be worrying about the workaholic comment - you just call them as you see them," Remus interjected.
"Thanks." James smiled and drifted off to sleep, knowing that he was being taken care of by the best mate any guy could have.
Remus rubbed his nose roughly, through his handkerchief. He remembered a time, so very long ago, when he was the one always taking care of his pack. Now, more and more, he felt like he was the one being taken care of. He wanted to say that things had come full circle - but they hadn't really.
James was dead. Long since. And while his son was alive, it wasn't the same.
Sirius was alive still, and living with him at Grimmauld Place. But, Sirius had grown bitter after all of his years in Azkaban. And, who could blame him? Remus certainly couldn't. After all, it was until rather recently that he had believed that his mate, his heart, had betrayed them all. And, for that, Remus knew that the separation between them would still have to be bridged.
And Peter, well Peter wasn't someone he thought about - or spoke about - in polite company.
"Heh-eh-," he bit his lower lip. It was a quiet night in Grimmauld Place. Tonks was out on a mission - which made the noise in the house quiet considerably alone. He loved Tonks - she was a nice girl and a good friend and irreplaceable to the Order, but she was a klutz and was always doing something to awaken the portrait of Mrs. Black.
Severus, the Weasley's and most of the other inhabitants of Grimmauld Place were out recruiting, so it was just him and Sirius, alone, for at least 2 days.
He felt his lip begin to swell between his teeth. Fearful of letting blood fall, he released his hold on himself. The tickle within his nose returned almost immediately. "Heh-eh-heh -," he pinched his nose and closed his eyes. He would NOT sneeze. He was NOT getting sick. The full moon was 2 weeks away. He should be just fine, he tried to convince himself.
"You know, it's not healthy for you to stifle them like that," Sirius said from the doorway.
Surprised, Remus' eyes shot open. "Siri, I - heh-eh-KESHH!!" He sneezed helplessly into his shoulder. `Just one sneeze,' he told himself. `It was just one sneeze. It doesn't mean anything. Just dust.'
Sirius beamed. Remus hasn't called him Siri since his return. Maybe Remus would be willing to breach the void and the two of them could continue their relationship, at least similar to what it had been all those years ago. "Are you alright, my friend? You look a bit pale." Sirius noted that Remus' eyes were also getting a bit red around the rims. A sure sign of fever, for him. He leaned over to touch he forehead, but Remus pulled back.
"I'm fine, Sirius. Just a bit of dust."
Sirius retracted his hand. "Well," he rubbed the back of his neck absentmindedly, "it is quite a bit dusty in here."
They looked at each other in an awkward silence. "Do you mind if I sit down here and read?" Sirius asked. It's getting a bit quarrelsome up there with Buckbeak. And, I don't think I'll win in a row with him."
Remus chuckled. "Of course not, Siri-us." He realized he was falling into an old familiar. One that he wasn't sure was still welcome.
Sirius wrinkled his nose. He knew exactly how Remus was feeling - or at least felt he had a pretty good guess. He had been feeling poorly all week - which was most of the reason he'd shut himself in the room with Buckbeak…and also why he knew - beyond the shadow of doubt that 12 years in Azkaban bestowed in him, that Remus was more ill than he was letting on.
Back in school, Remus could tell days before any of the rest of them, when they were falling ill. And he took care of them whenever possible. And sometimes even when it wasn't. Sirius recalled waking up with a battered, broken, and bruised Remus whimpering in pain next to him, as he tried to comfort Sirius when Sirius had fallen ill too close to the passing of the moon. But, here, together in the same room, Remus could barely conceive his own illness, let alone see Sirius'.
Sirius sniffled. Quickly he turned and went into the kitchen, sliding the door closed behind him. His eyes fluttered shut, and he went to the wall furthest from the door. "Heh-eh-Kissht! Hesshitt! I'essh!" His sneezes were coming faster now - and wetter. He rubbed a hand under his nose, and looked for something he could use as a handkerchief. He cursed himself for giving his up to Buckbeak when he last squawked for it.
Stars appeared before his eyes, and he was dizzy with fever. "Heh-
shixxt!" he sneezed roughly, trying to repress the sneeze. It drove him to his knees. He wanted to cry out for Remus, but he couldn't. Not when he was sure the poor man was feeling just as poorly.`Alright, Remus ole buddy. You're stronger than this. You're not getting sick. You're just warm because it's stuffy in here. And you're nose is tickling from the dust.' Remus was trying to convince himself that he was just fine when he was caught by a fit of coughing-
harsh powerful coughs that shook his chest and made it hard for him to breathe. "Damn," he muttered under his breath as he felt the heaviness sink into his chest. He tried to take a deep breath, through his nose, but the heaviness seemed to be settling in there as well."Sirius?" he called out. "Siri, I'm going to bed. I'm not fe-heel-
ing we-we-heh-eh-kishh! Well." He waited, but received no response. "Siri?" he called again before he felt his fever spike and over take him."Remus? Remus, are you okay?" a young man's voice was nearby, asking him things. He could hear the voice, and he could see James.
"Jamie?" Remus asked, dazed.
"No, Harry," Harry replied gently. Whenever Remus' fever spiked he would mistake Harry for James. It was okay. Harry had long since gotten used to it.
"Harry? Oh, I'm sorry. Where am I?"
"You're in the sitting room, Remus. You're running quite the temperature. We've got to get you to bed."
"We? Siri? Is Sirius here?"
"Sirius? Not that I know of. Why?"
"He's in the house. He was getting a book. He never came back." His eyes fluttered closed. "Sirius?" he pleaded.
"Come on," Harry said, gently. "Let's get you to bed."
Once Remus was tucked into bed, Harry went up to his Godfather's bedroom. He knocked three times, but all that answered were Buckbeaks scratches.
Perplexed he went downstairs. He looked in the sitting room and the dining area. Then he noticed that the kitchen door was closed. `Odd,' he thought.
When he opened it, he immediately saw Sirius lying on the floor. "Sirius!" he cried out and rushed to his side. Sirius was lying on his stomach, with his cheek pressed into the floor. When Harry went to roll him over, he noticed that - like Remus - his fever was extremely high. "Sirius!" he called, louder this time. But, unlike Remus, Sirius didn't stir.
Panicked, Harry got a glass of water and threw it onto Sirius' face. He stirred and his eyes opened - wild unfamiliar eyes.
"Easy, Sirius. I'm here. It's okay," Harry soothed as he helped Sirius up off the floor.
"What happened, Harry? Is Remus alright? Are You alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Remus is quite unwell, but in his room resting. I don't know what happened to you though."
Sirius took a deep breath and batted away the fear that Grimmauld Place had been attacked and he had been unable to protect anybody. "I-I must have passed out. Hesshessh!"
"Bless," Harry said sympathically. "You've got quite a temperature. Same as Remus. What's been going on here?"
"Nothig," he replied stuffily. "Rebus came home from a bission, and was undwell. I've been feeling borely for a few days dow." He rubbed at his eyes and forehead.
"Why aren't you in bed? Does Remus know you're ill?"
"I'm dot in bed because Buckbead is gedding andoyed at by sndeezing. And I don'd wand to go head do head wid a hippogriff right dow."
"Here," Harry said handing him his handkerchief.
"Thanks," Sirius said, and relieved his nose with a wet honking blow.
"There's another bed in Remus' room, I'll put you in there for now," Harry said, helping Sirius to his feet.
"I'm not sure Remus will like that Harry."
"Why not? I love sharing a room with my best mate - even when we're sick."
Knowing it's for the best - even if Harry didn't understand why - Sirius allowed himself to be brought into Remus' room and tucked into the bed at the other side of the room.
Remus was asleep, and snoring softly. Sirius knew he would soon follow in suit. He gave Harry a quick hug and snuggled into the pillow, hoping for a better rest than the one on the kitchen floor.
Remus felt a cool compress on his forehead, and gently roused himself out of sleep. He looked over to find Harry reading in a chair in between his and the 2nd bed in the room. He jumped, startled, when he realized who was in the other bed.
"Whad's `e doing `ere `arry?" he asked. He winced at the dryness of his throat and tried to swallow, but was unable to. "Heh-eh-
eh'kiSSH!" He sneezed mostly freely, since his hand wasn't able to make it to his face in time.Harry looked up from his book in time to see Remus blush. "By apologies, `a-Hah - H-aaSSSHHT!" His head snapped forward and he sneezed directly into his covers.
Harry walked over to Remus and handed him a handkerchief. "Hey, now. It's alright. Just rest easy," he soothed. He turned the compress over and performed a dampening spell on it. Remus' fever was still very high, but he had slept well.
"'ow long `ave I been asleeb?" he asked, quietly - still wincing at the pain.
Harry handed him a glass of water and instructed him to drink.
The first few sips were painful, but they got easier after that. Soon he had drained most of the glass. "Thang you." He took a deep breath, but it caught in his throat and he started to cough heavily. Harry put an arm behind his shoulders and gently helped him get into a sitting position. His coughing continued for the better part of 3 minutes. Harry moved the compress, which had fallen onto the covers, onto the back of his neck, and held him secure. When the coughing ended, Harry handed him the rest of the water.
"There now," he said, combing his fingers through Remus' hair. Remus moved to the touch, just as he would have for James. "You've been asleep for almost four hours. Sirius has been awake on and off. He's in here because the two of you are both sick - seems like the same ailment too. And Buckbeak is quite unforgiving when it comes to sick humans, it seems." Harry paused, as if he were contemplating adding the next part. "Besides, you two are best mates; you should be together when you're sick."
`Mates,' Remus thought. How right Harry was. They were mates. Mates for life. But, what if Sirius didn't want that anymore? What if Remus' turning his back on him for 12 years turned his heart to stone? What if the dementors made him forget? Remus shuddered. Harry noticed.
"Are you warm enough? There aren't many blankets here, but I'll go look for more, if you're cold."
Remus shook his head. "I'm fine, thank you," he whispered.
"Would you like some soup?" Harry offered.
Remus' stomach seemed to shut down, and he shook his head. He smiled and turned to Harry. "But, how are you? It can't be winter break already."
"Well it is. And, I just can't handle Ron and Hermione right now - so I came home." He shifted his gaze between Remus and Sirius. "And, it's a good thing I did," he added.
Sirius started to cough. He had been awake since Remus' coughing fit, but he didn't want Harry to spread himself too thin. Besides, how else would he see how Remus was doing, other than spy on him? Goodness knew Remus wasn't opening up to him like he used to.
Harry's head snapped up. He patted Remus on the arm, and went over to Sirius.
"Good afternoon, sleepy-head," he said, as Sirius smiled at him.
"Hi there, Harry. What are you doing home? Heh-SHHH!" He directed the spray away from Harry and snorted heavily. "Sorry. No hanky."
"Here," Harry said, handing him one.
"I'll keep this for later," Sirius replied, sticking it into his pillowcase.
"How're you feeling?" Harry asked, feeling his Godfather's forehead.
"Better than last week. That's when I felt the way Remus feels. Just getting over it now, it seems."
Harry smiled, but didn't believe him. If his fever was any indication, he wasn't over anything yet. "Here," he said, giving Sirius some water, before he even had to ask for it.
Sirius smiled. He remembered when Remus used to do that. And, now and again, James. He noted how much differently Harry treated him versus Remus. He chuckled to himself about the youngest pup in the pack taking care of the alpha male as if he would break. But, looking on at Sirius like he could handle anything. But, he'd already handled anything and everything, and now he wanted to be coddled - the way Remus did. The way James did. But, Harry didn't see him that way.
"Hah-Hah-Ha'SHOO! Harry?" Remus pleaded. "HaSHOO! Eh-heh-
H'ESSHOO!" He doubled over.Harry, patted Sirius' arm, and headed over to Remus. "Yes, what is it?"
"Ha'Asshoo!"
"Bless." Harry said as watched helpless to Remus' plight.
"C-cold. So cold," he stuttered through chattering teeth.
"I'll go find another blanket."
"He can have mine, Harry," Sirius offered quickly.
"No, you need yours. I'll be right back."
After Harry scurried out of the room, Sirius threw a pillow at Remus. "You faker! Just like James you are!"
Remus looked at him, hurt. Tears ran from his eyes and he rubbed at his nose harshly, with his handkerchief. "I'b dot faking. Twelve years had changed you Siri-heh-us-Hechh!"
Sirius' smile dropped. He'd hoped Remus would remember that they always used to second guess each other as kids. "Bless you, Remus," he said as he rolled over and went back to sleep.
"I'm sure that's not what he meant," Harry said softly, when Remus explained what had happened. "I'm sure he was just messing with you."
"But, to accuse me of ly-high-ig. Wh-wh-H'esshh! <sniff> when I'b sick. Lide I want do ruin your vaca-va-ca-h'SSSHHH!"
"Bless," Harry said gently. He pulled another handkerchief off the bedside table and gently wiped Remus' nose with it.
"You don't `ave to," Remus replied, taking the handkerchief. "I don't want you to get this." He blew his nose wetly, folded the handkerchief and did it again. His head swam at the pressure changed, and he absent-mindedly grasped for Harry's arm.
"It's okay, Remus. I'm here and you're not ruining my vacation."
Remus nodded, and swallowed back the fear. It was odd - even after all these years, surrounded by an order that accepted him, and in the same room as his mate, and his best friend's pup, he was still afraid of being left alone while he was weak.. He adored Harry, and even more so when Harry looked and acted so much like James. But, he missed Sirius. He longed for Sirius. He wanted his touch, his caress. He wanted to snuggle and snog under the covers. He turned to Harry with a grateful smile. "I know. Thank you."
"You know, I wasn't sure if I should say anything," Harry said after a while.
Remus looked at him quizzically. Harry had never held back from him before - and he couldn't understand what would make him want to do it now. "What is it?"
"I mean, I know you're sick and all, and I didn't want to poke my nose where it has no cause to go."
Remus nodded. He understood the feeling, but still couldn't understand what situation would leave Harry feeling so nervous.
"But," Harry bent down so that he was very close to Remus, "when Sirius first came too - when I brought him in here - the first person he asked about was you."
"What?" Remus' heart skipped a beat. Could Sirius still have those deep feelings for him?
"When I woke him, and rose him off the kitchen floor..."
"Kitchen floor?"
"Yea, he seemed to have passed out there. But, when he revived the first person he asked about was you."
Remus felt his heart warm. In the deepest recesses of Sirius' heart he still loved Remus best - and that was saying something when compared to his Godchild. Sirius never did take that title lightly.
"Just thought you'd want to know."
Remus smiled, "Thank you, Harry," he said as he drifted off to sleep.
Remus' soft snores could be heard throughout the room, but Sirius' had stopped suddenly. Harry looked up from the book he was reading and went to Sirius' bedside. Sirius was awake, but not up just yet.
"Hey," Harry said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, and feeling for a fever.
"Hey yourself," Sirius grunted back at him. His nose still tickled something awful, but his throat felt better.
"How're you feeling?"
"You tell me."
"Huh?" Harry asked, puzzled. "Well I know your fever is going down, so that's a good thing. Otherwise, I couldn't tell you."
Sirius smiled. "You're a good kid, Harry. Just like your father was."
"Yea, that's what I keep hearing."
"Hisshhxxt!" Sirius sneezed suddenly. He coughed a few times and then closed his eyes.
"Well, I'm sure you're still tired," Harry said, making to go.
"Not so much really." He cast a glance over at Remus. "How is he, Harry?"
"Remus?"
"No, the Cheshire cat!" Sirius remarked sarcastically. "Yes, Remus."
"Sick. Tired. You know."
"Yea, I know," Sirius whispered. He looked over at Remus longingly. He wanted to touch him, to hold him. He wanted to be called Siri again, and be shown - not just told - that Remus harbored no ill will towards him.
"Sirius? What's wrong?"
Hot tears started to sting Sirius' eyes. "Remus," he started but his voice caught. "Remus and I were best mates - closer than blood. He helped me escape from here, and I helped him escape from the chains that bound him." He blinked and the tears started flowing down his cheeks.
"Here," Harry said, handing him a tissue.
"Thanks." Sirius took a deep breath and continued. "I don't know if he wants me around anymore. I just don't know how much of our old relationship can be recaptured. He's so busy now. And the past 12 years have not been easy on him - I know that."
"But they haven't been easy on you, either," Harry interjected. "And as much as he's changed, I'm sure you've changed as well."
Sirius nodded. "But, memories of him - of James - of Lily and of …
you…they kept me going through Azkaban. But, now, I'm back. I'm out. I'm free. And I can't even touch him. He won't let me." Sirius started to sob, and Harry put an arm around him and held him close."Listen, you said you know the past 12 years have been hard on him. I- I didn't know him before hand, but I know him to be one of the strongest, most profoundly kind and generous, sensitive people I have ever known. He's intelligent, and remembers - yet seems to forgive everything."
Sirius nodded. "He was lide thad in school too." He sniffed wetly.
Harry nodded, patting Sirius on the back. He was at a loss for words. He had no comparison. All he knew was that Remus was hurt by Sirius' comment earlier. But, was that what Sirius would have said beforehand? Harry didn't know.
"Well, I don't know if I should say anything, but when I woke him up to bring him up here - the first person he asked for was you…well after he thought I was my father I mean."
Sirius smiled. "You do look like James."
"I know."
"He asked for me?"
"Yea, and told me you were in the house."
Sirius smiled. "Thanks, Harry."
"Sirius! Sirius, wake up!" I was Harry's voice. He knew it. But, he couldn't reach him. He felt like he was swimming through molasses. Even his thought seemed to be coming slower.
"Damn," Harry muttered. Both of their fevers had spiked at the same time. And, while Remus was being tormented by night errors that he couldn't' pull him out of. Sirius had slipped so far into sleep that he was nearly comatose.
"No…no…HELP ME!!!!" Remus thrashed around in bed.
Harry rewet the cloth and put it back on Remus' forehead. "It's okay Rem. I've got you. You're safe."
"James… no no not James. Lily - oh God, Harry. Must… must move. Must go. Ack! I can't!!!" Remus started shaking violently. Harry knew that the night terrors were from the fever, but didn't know how to rouse him out of them.
"Sirius!" he called again. But, it didn't work. He didn't think it would.
"Remus, forgive me," he said, as he slowly unbuttoned the man's pajama top and started to sponge him down. He tired hard not to look as he knew Remus was painfully shy about his affliction and downright ashamed of the condition that it left his body. Harry had cared for Remus after his transformations before, and even gone so far as to help clean him up, when necessary. But, Remus was always ashamed of his weakness, and Harry didn't want him to feel any worse than he already did.
The cloth slid over scares and bumps, but Harry continued to look on as little as possible. Instead he pushed back the hair off of Remus' sweat soaked brow, and spoke soothing words.
After an hour there was still no change. The fever was burning off the water almost as fast as Harry was putting it on. He turned to Sirius. "Look, I know you can't hear me, but Remus needs help, and I'm at a loss."
Sirius started to awaken, but his eye didn't open. He heard, "can't, me, Remus, help, loss," and his heart sprang. Harry and Remus needed him. He struggled against the molasses, but was unable to beat the darkness.
Harry could see Sirius' face flex. He dipped another cloth in the cold water and patted Sirius' forehead and cheeks. Sirius took a deep breath. He felt calmer and to Harry he looked calmer too.
Harry took a deep breath. "It's okay. Just rest." He patted his Godfather on the shoulder and watched as the corners of Sirius' mouth twitched into a smile.
Harry smirked and jumped - startled, as Remus coughed harshly, in his sleep.
Quickly Harry made his way downstairs to the ice chest. He pulled out 2 blocks of ice and wrapped them in towels. He brought them back upstairs and put one next to each sleeping man. He cold from the ice radiated and each man curled his feverish body around the coolness.
Around dawn, Sirius' fever broke, and Harry removed the ice. Sirius' eyes fluttered open.
"Hey," Harry said softly, handing him a glass of water. "How are you feeling?"
"Sweaty," Sirius cleared his gritty voice and took a sip of water. "Tired. But, better." Sirius sniffed.
Harry smiled. "Go get a shower. I'll change your sheets. You'll sleep better."
Sirius smiled. "Thanks," he whispered, and shakily made his way out of the room.
"Sirius?" Harry called after him.
Sirius poked his head back in the doorway.
"Do you need help?"
Sirius shook his head and made his way slowly to the washroom.
No sooner could Harry hear the water running than Remus cried out, "Sirius!" Remus bolted upright. He looked frantically at Hrry and then to the bed Sirius was sleeping in. "Where is Sirius?" he asked, frantically.
Harry sat on the bed. "It's okay, he's in the shower."
Remus nodded, as though he didn't understand the words somuch as the tone of Harry's voice.
"Does he know I'm sorry?" Remus asked.
"For what?"
"For taking care of me last night. I felt him Harry. Felt his hands. Heard a voice, so friendly and soft. It had to be his. I know that voice. I remember."
Harry smiled. "Yea, he was with you most of the night. But he knows is wasn't your fault, it's okay."
"Were you up too?" Remus asked timidly.
"Of course. You know I wouldn't leave your side."
Remus smiled. "Well, I think you'd best get some rest. I'm just going to take a nap. And Sirius will likely do the same.
Harry smiled, how true that was. "Okay, Remus." He gave the older man a small kiss of the forehead, and noticed how odd it felt that it didn't feel awkward to do that.
Remus smiled and drifted off to sleep.
When Harry went in to check on them a few hours later, Sirius and Remus were curled up together in Remus' bed. Sirius held Remus protectively, and Remus clutched Sirius' shirt as if he were afraid Sirius would leave if he didn't have a hold on him.
Harry smiled, as he covered the two of them with the blankets from Sirius' bed, and went downstairs to start lunch.
Hi all, a while back I posted: Then and Now. And the ending was kind of non-existant. Well I have a better one now. YAY for the end of writers block!
Disclaimer: Not mine. I don't get paid for this. Don't sue.
For bunny: 143- Plot Bunny Idea: One character runs around, helping and watching out for his friends. What happens when he gets sick?