Fate
a Harry Potter story
by Niki
Severus inhaled deeply and stretched. It was his and Zia's first anniversary of their new relationship – after the second war. He sighed as a weary feeling settled into his bones. He had put her through so much in such a little time. First, just getting to know him could be a trying exercise in futility. He was not an easy person to get along with, let alone get to know. He could respect, yet barely stand most of the staff at Hogwarts – though after the war he started working for the Ministry. He knew he wasn't welcomed at Hogwarts. And, he didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back.
Staff at the Ministry was more tolerable – each doing their own work and not bothering him unless their work coincided. But, he couldn't respect them as much. The staff at Hogwarts may have been meddling, well-meaning people. But, they fought for what they believed in – no matter what the cost. The Ministry was full of sell-outs, double agents, and political social climbers. With the extreme exception, they were a loathsome bunch. And, it sickened him to be counted among them.
Even before he had killed Dumbledore, turned his back on both Zia and the Order, attacked Zia in order to prove his loyalties to the Death Eaters he had pushed people away. He couldn't risk anybody getting to know him – really getting to know him. They knew he was a strict, sallow, angry man who tormented his students.
Then he met Zia. Zia had been a healer during the first war, and worked odd jobs until Dumbledore brought her in as a drama teacher. She had worked with Severus during the first war, and seemed to take a peculiar interest in him. Through painstaking conversations, attempts at caring which turned into violent screaming matches, and duels to vent out frustrations he discovered three things. One: Zia was just as angry and disillusioned with the first war as he was. Two: finally, someone understood that his heart had been turned cold by the lack of love and understanding that he had received throughout his life. And, three: that he wasn't hard on the students because he hated them – even the children of those he'd fought against in the first war. He was hard on them because he knew they had to be the best in order to survive the [then] brewing second war.
With patience, understanding, and a whole lot of love, she had broken through his angry exterior and gotten to know a person that Severus, himself, had never gotten a chance to know.
A shiver shook his body as he thought about how much pain his had caused her. And tears pricked his eyes when he thought of how much love, patience, and understanding it took for her to get to know him the first time, and then forgive him enough to take him back the second.
Against all odds, they had survived one full year since they decided to try their relationship again. Severus had planned to take her to the Queen's Theatre to see her favorite play, `Les Miserables', and then out to dinner, and then finally to the Thornbury Castle Hotel – somewhere she had wanted to go all her life, where they could spend two days relaxing in high style. He wished he could give her more, but they couldn't take more time off work, and he knew that she would be wary enough accepting this.
He quickly swallowed a vial of Pepper-Up and started to cough. He was hoping that it was because some had gone down the wrong pipe. But, he knew that he was probably getting sick. `Damn,' he thought to himself, as he packed a few handkerchiefs and stuck one in his pocket, as well as one in his breast pocket. He also put a thin vial of double strength Pepper-Up in his breast pocket. It was a home brew, but nothing was going to ruin the precious special time they had together.
Severus blew his nose lightly before he got in the car. He had acquired a 1957 Convertible Corvette – black of course, and even taken lessons to learn how to drive it. Upon their getting back together, Zia fell in love with the car – possibly even faster than she fell back in love with him.
She had dressed beautifully this evening. She let her black hair fall in soft curls around her shoulders, and didn't dye out the streaks of silver that he hadn't recalled her having before. She wore a deep green halter gown, made of silk chiffon. Her bag and shoes were gold, and she wore the necklace he had given her all those years ago.
The Pepper-Up that he had taken early had helped – he didn't feel so weary anymore. But, his nose was still tickling in a way that he knew meant trouble.
"Sev? Are you okay?" She saw the pocket square sticking out of his back pocket. And, he had folded another elegantly in the breast pocket of his blazer. She had the feeling that he wasn't feeling well, but it wasn't anything that she could put her finger on.
Severus stuffed his handkerchief up his sleeve. Zia's voice was full of concern. Too much concern for a tickle in his nose. "Yup," he said, noncommittally. "Put this on," he said, handing her a handkerchief.
She immediately bristled. Her eyes, which had been full of concern were suddenly full of mistrust. "No," she stated plainly.
He mentally kicked himself. He had relied on the trust that they once had. He hadn't taken into account the lack of trust that she now had for him. And, who could blame her, really? But, the icy stare she was giving him now was withering away at his confidence. And, he felt it was ruining the night.
Zia could tell from the look in his eyes that he hadn't meant to do her any harm. But, she could not bring herself to trust him. Not so soon. "Just don't tell me where we're going, and I won't ask any questions. I'll be surprised anyway."
Severus nodded, and started the car. He jumped when he felt Zia's gloved hand on his arm. "Put it down," she whispered, a twinge of giddy excitement in her voice.
He smiled as he lowered the top of the car. The cool air hit them, and sent a shiver down his spine. But, she hadn't noticed. He stole a glance at her, and smiled at the elated look on her face. She looked like she was flying.
She felt like she was flying. Her job kept her away from brooms, as did the one as a healer. She was never on the fighting side of the order, not even on the recovery. She was the one who got to put them all back together afterwards though. But, now, with the wind in her hair, brushing past her cheeks, she felt like she was free on a broom. Even if the night ended at this moment, Severus would have given her a thrilling night, the likes of which he would never understand.
Severus smiled as Zia listened to the man who had regaled them as Jean Valjean. He was inviting the audience to the pub across the street to mingle with the actors. Her face was full of hope and joy.
He nodded and suppressed a cough. She didn't have to ask. He knew what she wanted to do. The other restaurant would be expecting them within the hour, but this was more important than a ritzy meal. This night was a thank you to her – for taking him back. How could he not give her something so small? "I'll be right back," he whispered and then headed towards the men's room.
He coughed violently and shook under the strain. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, he found a small corridor and took a few steps down. He calmed his coughing then apparated to the restaurant. After cancelling the reservation, he apparated back. It worried him that such a small amount of energy wiped him out so thoroughly.
He fingered the double strength Pepper Up in his pocket. He, better than anybody, knew the danger in taking Pepper Up twice in a 24 hour period. While it would make the symptoms go away completely for a full 24 hours, it would make his cold, or whatever he was fighting off, at least twice as bad as it would have been with out it. A sneeze tickled his sinuses, threatening to come out.
He shook his head. It wasn't worth it. Not yet.
The candle lit pub cast shadows around the room, which was packed with actors and fans. Zia and Severus had been lucky enough to find a booth in a corner. It wasn't cleared off yet, but they knew better than to be picky. Besides, it wasn't anything a quick spell couldn't handle. And, the pub was so busy nobody even noticed.
Zia looked at Severus. This night was truly magical. They were posing as muggles, her favorite game – his least favorite. He was wearing the necklace she had given him – a silver chain with a hedgehog charm. It was her anigmus. She didn't think that this anniversary was going to be anything special, but he had proven her wrong. And, her gift to him made her feel small and insignificant in comparison.
That's when she noticed it. He sneezed. But, not in the way a normal person would – or even the way he would, if he were feeling comfortable enough to do so. It was a Death Eater sneeze. One that started with a wrinkle of his forehead and then a hard closing of his eyes and a small head bob. Hardly noticeable to the untrained eye. But, her eyes were trained.
"Are you feeling okay?" she asked.
He smiled. "I think I might be coming down with something," he said. "But, it's nothing to worry about," he added quickly.
She noticed his color. She had thought he was a little paler than normal, but the lighting in the theatre and in the pub cast eerie shadows, and she couldn't be sure. But, for him to admit that he wasn't feeling good – that was an issue. In the past, even when he had been bedridden by the flu, he would still try to tell her he was feeling better. She couldn't recall a single instance when he had told her he was feeling poorly.
"Do we need to leave?" she asked.
He shook his head, giving a quick Death Eater sneeze at the end. "After food," he replied, a bit of congestion in his voice.
She nodded, and took his hand across the table. She wanted to switch to his side of the booth and hold him close, but she knew that this wasn't the time or the place to do such things. He was coming down with something, she was certain of it. But, she didn't want to embarrass him, nor did she want to draw any undue attention.
Zia clung to his arm as they left the pub. He had never seen her laugh so hard, or smile so much. A thought had dawned on him, as he watched her listen to the actors stories of life on the road: in all their years together, they had never spent time away from the wars. Even between wars, they were working on preventing the next one, or dealing with fall out from the last one.
"Etchsoo!" he sneezed to the side. He blinked hard, and sniffled wetly.
"Bless," she said, trying to mask her concern, but failing miserably at it. "Are you sick? Should we head back to your place?"
He put up a finger in anticipation of the next sneeze. "Etchshoo!" He withdrew his handkerchief from his sleeve, took a few steps away, and blew into it. By the time he was done Zia had caught up with him.
"You've been hiding this all night?" she asked, brushing his hand and trying to test his body temperature.
"It's just some dust. Nothing to be concerned about. Come," he said, leading her back to the car.
She didn't believe him, but she knew better than to push it. She let him lead her to the car, and watched him as they drove off to the next point.
Severus felt the weight of her stare on him as he drove. How could he have been so stupid as to sneeze in front of her? This was going to ruin everything. She was going to go `healer' on him and they would lose the magic of the weekend.
"What are you teaching the kids?" he asked trying to break the silence.
"Dance.""I thought Minerva taught that?" He suppressed a cough, and felt her stiffen.
"Well, she teaches the waltz. I'm teaching the polka and the gavotte."
"What the hell do they have to do with each other?"
"Nothing, but that's what the kids said they wanted to learn," she answered. He was right, the two dances had absolutely nothing to do with each other. But, they were really enjoying learning them, so she was teaching it. "The kids even want to have a `after classes' program where they can learn more in their off time. The Headmaster thinks it's a great idea. So, I'll start the call for students on Monday."
He smiled. "That's great."
"You don't get why, do you?" she asked, skeptically.
"I love to dance. And, I'm pleased that society is calm enough that we can bring it back in. I'm just surprised so many kids are interested."
"To tell you the truth, I was too," she admitted with a smile.
"Maybe it's the beauty of the teacher," he said, smiling at her.
She smiled in return. "Maybe."
Zia spent the next 20 minutes walking around their rooms in utter awe. "This is AMAZING!" she shouted, again. For the first time since she could remember not only was she speechless, but even her thoughts had stopped. She didn't let herself think about how much the room must have cost. She made herself believe that he had called in a favor. She had to.
He smiled at her and took in a shuddering breath. Tears pricked his eyes again. Never in his wildest imagination could he have hoped of ever making anyone so happy. `Lily,' he thought, `I wish you could see this.'
He sniffed wetly and winced. A headache was forming at the back of his eyes and his throat ached every time he swallowed. "Ecshoo!" he sneezed into a cupped hand. "I'm fine!" he called out before Zia could bless him, again.
Zia came in, her eyes serious. "You're sick."
"A little," he admitted.
Much to his surprise she didn't insist they go home immediately. Instead, she furrowed her brow in concern. She tsked him and sat down on the bed, inviting her to join him. Gently, slowly, she felt his forehead, cheeks and neck.
He smiled, despite how miserable he was starting to feel, and leaned into her touch. In the past year, they had shared many types of touch. But, caring touch was something that she kept to herself, only bringing out when absolutely needed. And, until now, it wasn't needed at all.
She sighed. "I was wondering if you wanted to take a bubble bath in the Jacuzzi, but I'm fairly certain..."
"I'm fine," he said, a little too eagerly.
She smiled wickedly. "I'm sure you are." She sighed and got up, brushing his cheek gently. "Do you have Pepper Up, or should I get some from my bag?"
"You brought potions?" he asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
"Of course I did. Like I ever go anywhere without tea and potions – just incase."
He nodded, watching the world bob out of synch with the motion, which made him a little seasick. He smiled, trying to mask his true feelings.
"Don't even try to mask it, sweetie. You're pale – even for you. How bad are you feeling, really?"
He smiled against the pain and malaise. "Not as bad as all that." He drew the vial of double strength Pepper-Up out of his pocket. "See, I had it on me all night."
She smiled vibrantly. "Good. Now, take it, and join me in the Jacuzzi in ten minutes."
He stared at the vial of red liquid. `It's worth it,' he thought, as he drank it in one gulp and prepared for the onslaught immune responses about to overwhelm his system.
Zia and Severus lay snuggled in each others arms in a nest of covers that they set up in front of the fireplace. She sighed happily and snuggled into his warm, strong arms.
"Gold for your thoughts?" he asked, combing through her hair slowly.
"Just never thought we would be granted this much intimate time. Always thought our jobs would get in the way."
He nodded and kissed the top of her head. "I know. Me too."
They were quite for a few minutes. "Heard your immune response. Those were some pretty violent coughs... and sneezes. You don't typically sneeze Sev. Only when you're really sick. What's going on?"
He hugged her close. "Don't worry about it. I've handled it. Tonight: tonight belongs to us. He felt 100% better. It was like he hadn't been sick at all.
He embraced the feeling of love, the feeling of being wanted. He felt her fingers run up and down his legs and torso. The heat from the fire warmed his skin the way that her touch warmed his heart. He'd won her back.
He'd won her back.
The next day, Zia and Severus woke up late and spent hours in bed, not having to be anywhere. They enjoyed the touches, caresses, smells, tastes, and emotions from each other. They relished the fact that nobody wanted them this weekend. They didn't have to be anywhere or do anything. They were lost in each other, and they wouldn't have had it any other way.
That afternoon, they took a horse drawn carriage and toured the manor homes of the surrounding areas. They laughed at the ignorance of muggles, as they realized that key homes on the tour were the homes of wizards and witches of old. There were `markings' in the fireplaces that were indicative of wizarding kind. But, muggles had no knowledge of it.
They had a scrumptious dinner, provided by Thornbury Castle. Then they retired to their room to enjoy one last night in the Jacuzzi.
Zia emerged from the bathroom wearing a long silky gown which showed off her aging figure in perfectly flattering way. It had taken her weeks to find it, and she couldn't wait to see Severus' response.
"Well?" she asked, looking at the bed. But, Severus was asleep, snoring soundly.
She snickered, but wasn't surprised. "You always did fall to sleep when you were comfortable. Glad I could help." She walked over to the bed and started pulling down the covers. "Come on hon, under the covers."
But, he didn't budge.
"Sev, get under the covers," she said louder, pulling on his arm. She withdrew sharply. His skin was burning hot.
"Severus!" she called loudly. But, he remained asleep.
She crawled on the bed and laid a healing hand on his forehead. She swore as she thought about the egg she could fry on it.
Her memories raced to the night before – his cold. The immune response. She hopped down off the bed and ran to the bathroom, picking up the champagne bucket along the way. She filled it with warm water and immersed two washcloths inside.
Upon getting back to the bed, she put one on his forehead, and the other she slipped under the back of his neck.
He woke up briefly. "Cold," he mumbled.
"I know, sweetheart. You need to get under the covers."
He nodded and let her tuck him in.
After he drifted back off, she took a good look at him. If she had thought he was pale the night before, he was ghostly now. The dark circles under his eyes were so pronounced he looked like he had gotten into a fight. And with every snore he sounded more congested, and his nose and cheeks held a pinker hue.
"Geezus Sev. How much Pepper-Up did you take?"
Zia watched him sleep for a few minutes. He never went straight to sleep. He always had to empty his mind of random thoughts first. Sometimes they were about work at the Ministry; sometimes they were random thoughts about the Death Eaters or Voldemort; other times they were thoughts about what they were or what they are. But, never, in all the years they had been together, did she recall him simply falling asleep.
She was concerned when she realized he was coming down with something. She was worried when he said he had brought Pepper-Up, since he never did like to take potions. Now, she was downright scared.
She crept into the bathroom and gazed at herself in the mirror. She didn't know where all the lines on her face came from or the streaks of gray in her hair. She was pretty once – well twice really. She was a beautiful redhead as Jada and then a beautiful raven-haired woman as Zia. But, years of Wars and healing had taken its toll on her, and she wasn't as beautiful anymore. "Not only are my looks going, but my wits as well," she berated herself, pulling on her jeans and a sweater.
She pulled out her wand, "Luminos incendo," she whispered. A tiny flame appeared at the tip of her wand. She tugged up her shirt sleeve and touched the tip to her arm. Two seconds after it touched her skin, it burned out. She winced at the pain, but didn't flinch and didn't make a sound. "That'll teach me. More observant. I've got to be more observant. I'm slipping," she admonished herself again. "Serium serveros," she whispered, waving her hand at the burn mark. Instantly, it vanished leaving only a darker mark behind. Her arms were littered with them from years of self infliction. She called them freckles.
Remus and Tonks knew better. Remus caught her ages before. He used to count her scars, but after years of the number remaining the same, he backed off. It was Tonks who'd pointed out the probability of her creating old freckles on new freckles. When the freckles deepened in color Remus would threaten to tell Severus. But, he never did. Zia was never sure of why.
She tugged her sleeve back down and walked into the bedroom. He was snoring softly, which was better than snoring loudly. The louder he snored, the more congested he was. Hopefully, the Pepper-Up was healing him while he slept.
A nagging through crept into the back of her mind though. Severus wasn't stupid – nor was he any stranger to illness or injury. He had to have known he was getting sick. And, this weekend was far too important to him for him not to have taken something before hand – or maybe something stronger than Pepper-Up.
She slipped her hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out the slim vial. She squinted her eyes as she looked at it. These were not his typical vials. She opened the stopper and was hit with a wave of peppermint. "Jesus, Sev, how much did you take?" she muttered.
With a flash of brilliance, she stepped into the fireplace and took the floo network to Remus' place.
Stepping out of the fireplace, she nearly scared Tonks to death. She was in her bathrobe, showing Zia that she and Remus were having a similar day to her and Severus.
"Sorry for the intrusion, but I need to know if Remus can analyze this for me," she said holding out the vial.
"I thought you two were going away for the weekend?" she said, taking the vial.
"Long story. If he needs me, we can be found at Thornbury Castle."
She raised her eyebrows. "Thornbury? Wow."
Zia nodded. "I have to get back. As soon as you can get that to me?"
Tonks nodded, "I'll get it to him right now."
"I appreciate it Tonks, really. Sorry for imposing on your weekend. I wouldn't if-."
"You wouldn't if it wasn't of dire importance. I know." Tonks smiled. "Go back. Remus will follow up with you in a few hours."
Zia nodded and sighed. "Thanks."
"I'd better get an explanation," Tonks said in a teasing voice.
"You will, and trust me, it's a doozy," Zia said, stepping back into the fireplace.
When Zia reached the fireplace gate, she found it staunchly locked.
She swore to herself as she realized that he must have woken up and locked the floo without thinking about it. She exited through the next fireplace, catching their upstairs inhabitants in a rather compromising position.
She wiped their memories and unlocked the door to their rooms. Severus was sitting on the bed, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Where'd you go?"
"I needed to drop something off with Remus," she replied nonchalantly.
"Why do you always run to him when I am ill? Do you really want to embarrass me like that?" He coughed harshly and she winced and the sound that resonated from his chest.
"Sweetheart, I'm not talking to him about that. I wouldn't."
"You would, and you have. You need not lie about it. I've known you too long." He gave her a half smile and noticed that she didn't smile back.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, as she stepped into the bathroom.
"Lousy," he answered honestly.
She stepped out within minutes, and he couldn't be sure, but he thought he smelled burning flesh.
"What are your symptoms?" she asked, sitting next to him.
He snuggled into her. "Just so tired. And," he quickly turned away from her, pulling out his handkerchief. "Ketcsshh!" he sneezed wetly. He groaned and flopped back onto her. "My head `urts."
"Sneezing, coughing?" she prodded.
He nodded, "But, they just seem to make the fever – I mean headache worse."
She nodded and kissed him on his head. "Come on. Lay back down," she said, gently guiding him back onto the bed. "I'll snuggle with you."
He smiled and held her close, only relinquishing hold when he had to sneeze or cough. Suddenly, he let go completely.
"What's wrong?" she asked, rubbing his back, as he struggled to sit up.
"Don't want to infect...ketcshhh!"
"Bless. This is not something you have to worry about."
But, one look at him told her he was still worried.
"Okay, so come here, and you'll lean on me. That way I get to hold you close, and you don't have to worry about infecting me."
He sniffed and nodded sleepily. "Sounds good," he said as he laid down in her arms.
She kissed him again. She waited until he drifted off and called the concierge. They would not be able to check out any time soon.
"I'm sorry, Ma'am," the front desk argued with her. But, it's our civic duty not to let you leave while Master Snape is ill. You must take up residence in the Guesthouse. It's quite lovely, with all of the amenities. I'm sure you'll find it quite to your liking, and stocked with whatever you should need to help him feel better."
"Sir," she argued, "I don't think you understand..."
"No, Madam. It is you who does not understand. With the Novel H1N1 virus we are under strict instruction not to let anyone who is ill leave the premises. I'm sorry, but it's the rules of the county."
She sighed. "Look, we don't make enough for this..." she started.
"Master Snape has quite good credit here," the man began again. "Besides, we are obligated to keep you here free of charge."
She sighed. "Fine. Then I'll help him move and have our belongings down there within the hour."
"Thank you, Ma'am."
The concierge gave her a tour of the guesthouse, which included a fireplace – thereby suiting their needs nicely.
"Will ye need help moving him, miss?" the young man asked.
"No, thank you," she said, envisioning the room and placing the portkey. "He won't care for that one bit."
At the man's skeptical look she added, "But, you need not be worried – I'll keep him away from the other guests. By the way, how long are we to stay here?"
"Til at least a week after his fever breaks."
She paled. That would never do – they needed to work... the next day in fact.
He seemed to notice. "You can leave miss. Just as long as you don't become ill yourself." He paused and then continued in a hushed tone. "You'll be apparating then?"
She stopped and looked at him skeptically. "Excuse me?"
"I didn't mean anything by it miss. I went to school a few years behind Master Snape. Hogwarts was not kind to either of us. It's why I choose to live among the muggles."
She nodded.
"I'll be sure everyone vacates the guesthouse immediately," he said, turning to leave.
"You are most kind," she said watching him go.
She sat on the bed, and shook Severus awake. "Come on love, I need to you wake up."
He shook her off and shook his head no.
She shook him again. "Yes, sweetheart, you have to. I need you to wake up." She gently kissed his forehead and noticed his fever was on the rise again. And, she noticed immediately, he was dehydrated.
She ran to the bathroom and brought out a cool, wet washcloth. She placed it in between his lips and gently instructed him to drink. She watched his lips move subtly, gently pulling out the liquid.
"Sev, come on," she said, in a more serious tone, pulling him into a sitting position.
He looked at her blearily, his eyes glazed with fever. He grunted at her in question.
"Just hold still," she said, wrapping her arms around him.
He whimpered slightly, and curled his legs around her.
She held him close and shushed him.
With a pop, they arrived in the guesthouse living room. Slowly, she helped him to his feet and guided him into the bedroom. He collapsed onto the bed with another whimper. She climbed onto the bed with him and wrapped him securely in the comforter.
He grunted angrily, throwing off the covers and snuggling into her. Then his whimpered as if he was in pain.
"You okay, love?" she asked. She winced at the question. Such a stupid question. She made a mental note to teach herself a lesson later.
He shook his head, his long hair falling into his eyes. She brushed them away tenderly, her fingers brushing his still to hot and dry forehead.
"You need water," she whispered, making to get down.
He grasped onto her tightly. "No," he whispered. He coughed and choked.
"You're stomach?" she whispered.
He shuddered and coughed again, grasping her even tighter.
She pet his hair and settled onto the bed. He obviously didn't want her to go. And, while she looked at his paler than usual complexion, and his too tight eyes. Losing the physical connection now could be disastrous – no matter how short the time would be.
Finally, he relaxed and his hold on her released. Quickly, she went and opened up the floo, making sure it, too, was attached to the floo network. To her relief it was. She was about to go let Remus know where they were when the fire sprang to life, and Remus stepped out.
"Overdose," Remus said, as soon as he stepped out of the fireplace.
"But, how did you," Zia started, trying to figure out how he knew where they were.
"No time," Remus interjected. "He took a double dose of highly concentrated Pepper Up."
She groaned and sighed, all at once. The groan was because he knew better – and the over dose could easily make him ill for the next week or more. She sighed because she knew it wasn't permanent or serious. It was just terribly annoying.
"Thank you for testing that for me," she said, as she walked into the kitchen. "Would you like something for your cold? I don't know what they have here, but I'm sure I can whip something up."
Remus' head bobbed in a silent sneeze. "How did you know?"
"You're nose is pinked. It's a give away every time."
He nodded. "I'll take some water."
"And?" she prodded, pouring him water. She poured herself a glass of water, and poured some for Severus.
"Z, you've got your hands full with Severus. Tonks'll take good care of me." He sniffed softly.
She scrubbed a hand over her face. "Yes, of course. Sorry. Old habits die hard."
Remus looked at her funny and then turned around to sneeze harshly.
"Blessings," she said, handing him his glass.
"Thangs," he replied stuffily. He steadily drank his water, while Zia sipped hers. She looked at him expectantly, trying to keep the balance of: concern for him, allowing him to have time to drink his water, and wanting more information regarding the potion Severus took.
Remus finished his water and handed her back the glass. "Thank you. I needed that."
She nodded. "You said the potion was highly concentrated. How highly concentrated are we talking?"
He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "Triple."
She paused. "You mean, he took six times the allowable dose?"
Remus nodded tentatively.
Zia couldn't tell if he was concerned and stunned, as she was, or if he was about to sneeze again. But, she noticed slowly, she didn't really care.
"Can you call St. Mungos?" she asked.
Remus could tell that she was on automatic shutdown mode. Her eyes were unfocused and her voice had turned monotone. "Z?"
"He can't work tomorrow... in fact... he'll be lucky to live until tomorrow..."
"Well, he's surely been sick by now, no?" Remus asked, trying to comfort her.
She shook her head. "His body has been trying to process the potion – not expel it."
A wave of coldness washed over Remus. A dosage that high could kill someone – especially if they digested it.
"We should take him to St. Mungo's," Remus said suddenly. "They'll know what to do."
"Remus!" Zia nearly shouted. "He works there! They'll see this as a purposeful overdose. He'll lose his job!"
Remus nodded, ignoring the tickle that was building up. "Would you rather he lost his life?"
The color drained from Zia's face and she felt her knees give way.
With reflexes he didn't know his cold ridden body would allow, Remus caught her and lowered her into a chair. "I'll go get the Medi-witches. They'll come here to get him."
She nodded. "Thank you, Remus," she stuttered.
She watched him cross to the fireplace. "How did you know where we were?"
"A man cleaning the room when I arrived told me. He said he remembered us from Hogwarts."
She nodded. "K... I'll get him ready for transport," she whispered.
He took a handful of floo powder and looked at her. "Zia, you have to move, Now!" he yelled.
Instantly, her mind snapped to attention and she bolted up the stairs.
Remus nodded. "St. Mungo's!" he commanded as he threw down the floo powder.
The Medi-Witches apparated on site and followed Zia to the room where Severus continued to sleep.
Her longstanding knowledge of both medicine and Severus let them allow her to stay in he room.
"How long has he been like this?" the first witch asked. She wore long purple robes, and was performing a diagnostic spell.
"His fever spiked last night. But, he's been progressively getting worse. At least yesterday and last night he HAD symptoms. Now he's just sleeping – giving in."
Both witches shook their heads. "At least you understand," the other witch said. She was dressed in green, and started settling Severus up to apparate to St. Mungos. "Most people figure, if they're sleeping they're safe. When in actuality, the illness could be sinking in or they could be slipping away."
Zia squeaked in response. Severus couldn't be slipping away. Not now. Not like this.
The witch in purple hushed the other one and assured Zia that they would do everything possible to keep Severus alive.
Suddenly, Severus' eyes flew open and he bolted upright in bed.
All three women jumped back in alarm. "Sev, what?" Zia started, rushing to his side.
Clumsily, as if through a fog, he pushed her backwards. "Har-etcsh!! Taegstch! Fretcssshh!" he sneezed freely to the side, too out of it to even cover his sneezes. The sneezes were wet, yet weak – as if he didn't have the strength to make them sound like sneezes.
The two Medi-witches tried to hide their disgust, while Zia set to cleaning up Severus' nose and mouth. She tried to lay him back down, but he struggled against her.
She shushed him and tried to keep him down, but it only angered and irritated him.
"Why don't you," one of the Medi-witches started, but it was too late. In one guttural retch, he heaved into his hands.
The split second the Medi-Witches took to respond, was the second Zia needed to take charge. In seemingly one movement she hoisted Severus off the bed and rushed him to the loo.
While he continued to heave and retch, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Zia was overcome with relief. Finally, his body was fighting back. She grabbed a washcloth and soaped it up, cleaning up his hands. She threw the soiled washcloth to the side, wet another one with cool water, and placed it on the back of his neck.
Finally, his stomach relaxed, and he heaved for air. Zia opened her arms and he fell into them. She kissed his now sweating forehead, and pat his face with the washcloth.
"Why Severus?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion.
Every time he went to answer, he stomach strained again and he thrust himself back out of her arms. He gagged and strained, but there was nothing left.
Gently, but firmly, Zia pulled him back into her arms. He leaned into her and relaxed to her touch. Slowly, he drifted back to sleep.
"Is he okay, dear?" the witch in green asked, coming in after he'd drifted off.
Zia shrugged. "He's sleeping."
"We'd still like to take him," she told Zia.
Zia nodded. "I'm not letting go," she said plainly.
"But, dear," the witch in purple said, coming into the bathroom, "we need to apparate with him."
"Then you're apparating with me too, because I am not letting go. I know what apparating an ill wizard can do, and if he's going to slip away, he's going to do it in my arms."
The two Medi-witches exchanged worried glances. "As you like it," the one in purple said, and with a `pop' they apparated to St. Mungos.
"Heh-."
Zia stirred herself awake. It had been a long night full of tests and potions. Anything to get Severus to illicit an immune response. Long hours had been spent purging him and then casting different spells to figure out why his body was being so complacent. It was as if his body had given up completely.
Zia's arms hurt. After the tears of fear and the rage at him trying to leave her – because to her mind there was no other reason to overdose not by two, but three times over the allowable safe dosage – her rage turned to self hatred.
She had stolen away to the nearest restroom and bled herself until she couldn't cry anymore. She couldn't feel anymore. She hated herself for not seeing this coming. Of course, why else would a great man like Severus Snape ever settle for a healer. He was beyond her in capability, intelligence, skill – everything that mattered. Guilt had kept him at her side, and he was looking for a way to get out without hurting her too deeply – by making it look like an accident.
"Heh-eh."
Zia blinked blearily. There was someone in the room. Someone awake, and...
"Heh-eh-KETCHHH!" Severus sneezed loudly. The wet sneeze was caught by his cupped hand and whipped onto his covers. "Scuse... didn't want to wa-way-k... heh-heh-eh... KETCCHHH!"
Sick.
Overcome with joy, Zia couldn't help but goad him on. "Yes, Severus. Sneeze. Please sneeze." She grabbed one of the handkerchiefs on the bedside table and hastily handed it to him.
"Don... do..oh-heh-HAH- KETCCH!!" The third sneeze, just as wet as its predecessors started him in a long gurgling blow, after which he folded the handkerchief and blew again.
"Bless," Zia said quietly. "Anymore? Please tell me there are more."
"Oh..." Severus groaned, grabbing his head. "There are more. But, they hurt. Everything hur... hurt...s...heh-hah...Etgachosssh!"
"Don't stifle them," Zia scolded, getting up to call the Medi-witches.
"But... heh... they...hah...hah...ehhhhh... hurt...Egatcheffrsssh! ET-Ataacheashh! KETCHH! KETCCH! Eh... Effreshhh-ATCH!" As his head snapped forward with each sneeze, Severus whimpered just a bit.
"Keep sneezing. This is a good thing. I know it hurts. But, this is a good thing."He kept the handkerchief held to his nose. "Bu... huh... KEssshhtooo!! Why?" He blew his nose quickly to relieve the tickle, but it was of no use. His sinuses were becoming steadily blocked and the tickle was only intensifying.
Zia stopped and looked at him seriously. "You tried to kill yourself Sev. Don't you remember?"
The tickle which had been creeping up on him backed off when he'd heard that statement. "What?" he asked surprised. "No, Zia, I..."
"You wanted out of our relationship so badly you took more than three times the allowable dosage and nearly died." She blinked back the tears. "I guess I care too much to let you die," she whispered as the Medi-witches came running in.
"Mr. Snape, you certainly gave us quite a scare," said the one in lavender.
"Aye, and we thought you were done in last night, but you finally responded to a healthy helping of bella donna."
"But that's a... huh... a... Huhshoo! Atkesshoo! Affresstchoo! Keh... hah...hah...ahKETCHOO!" The final sneeze bend him in half. When he recovered, Zia noticed tears streaming down his face.
"All right," she said, turning to the Medi-witches. "He's responding to the potion. You've seen the immune response. How long does he have to stay here?"
"At least for the day, Zia," Severus answered for them. "You should know that."
She nodded. "I should. But, I know you don't want to be here."
"Actually, I feel... I feel...," he held up a finger telling her to wait a moment, "Afresstchoo! Tessshoo! KETCHOOSHH!"
"Sneezy?" she offered as a joke.
But, nobody was laughing.
"No... well yes, but not where I was going with th...hah...t." He squinted his eyes until the feeling passed. "I feel safer here than I do with you. At least they know what to do until this passes. Kgsht!" He stifled a sneeze into his fist and totally missed the look of hurt in Zia's eyes.
"As you wish," she whispered, breathless with pain. She practically ran to the restroom, where she pulled out her wand and cut her arm again. She watched as the blood ran down the sink and envisioned the pain running out with it.
Zia returned quickly, and smiled as she came in. He would never know her pain. It was her pain to deal with - and it was her job to hide it fom him.
"Let me see him!" one of the healers exclaimed pushing forward. "Now, Mr. Snape, I want you to look deeply into my eyes," she said.
"Where did Zia go?" he asked, looking for her. She was his soul healer. He wanted no other.
"I don't know, but I'm sure she'll be back. She stayed at your side all night. But, I do want you to look into my eyes."
"No, no... I don't like soul healing," Severus protested. Zia was his soul healer, and the only one he trusted with his secrets. Not only that, but her true talents were a secret – as was her identity. Another soul healer... he watched as the healers eyes pooled into blackness. He built up a barrier around Zia's secrets and let himself just answer the healers questions.
When he came out of it, Zia was gone.
"You are one mean son of a bitch," the healer said.
He smiled. "I've been called worse."
He felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him and quickly fell back to sleep.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He woke up too congested to breath properly. He heard Zia talking to the healers and getting the skinny on why he had overdosed. He blew his nose forcefully and breathed a sigh of relief. Her outburst about him trying to kill himself to get away from her terrified him, and he was glad that she was being told what he really thought of her.He sneezed wetly, and they turned to look at him.
"You ready to go home, Sev? Or, do you still feel safer here than with me?"
He thought about it for a second. He certainly felt that the worst had passed, and knew that Zia could handle anything that came her way from this point forward.
"Z... take me home, please," he replied stuffily.
Zia twitched. He'd hesitated. She remembered a time when he would have trusted her above all others. Obviously those days were long since passed.
"Of course," she turned back to the healers and got his potions regimen. "I've already talked to your Director, Sev. You have off for the week. He hopes you feel better."
"Heschugushh!" Trying to stifle the sneeze did not work. Instead it came out wet – barely sounding like a sneeze.
"And, don't stifle them. That's not good for you. You need to deal with the illness – as it stands, this is all it would have been if you had just let it happen."
Severus nodded as he blew his nose. "Yes, Z."
"Hetchushh!" He was awoken by his own sneeze. He expected to see Zia either sitting or sleeping next to him, but no – she was not in the bedroom with him. "Hepptttew!" He coughed huskily, trying to muffled the sounds in his handkerchief. Zia, had certainly been there – there was warm tea, cold water, and a supply of handkerchiefs. He smiled as he saw his favorite book – `Lamb' on the nightstand. "Heh-checch!"
His nose tickled furiously, but his body yearned for sleep.
When his symptoms continued and Zia did not come to his aid, he assumed that she was asleep. Although he yearned for her touch, he could not bring himself to wake her. The days of her being able to stay awake seemingly for weeks tending to someone was obviously over. Age had settled in and she was not the healer that she used to be.
Quickly, he shook that thought out of his head. He was lucky to have been found and taken back by her. So she was older – he was far beyond being a spring chicken himself. And, he had aged far worse than she had.
He remembered the high standards that she used to set for herself – and how he, Remus and Sirius were the only people who saw the dark side of healing. If she felt like she failed, or that she was perceived as failing, she would take the pain out on herself – with cutting, nervous breakdowns, anger, and self-doubt – the likes of with most would never see – could never see – and certainly could never understand.
It seemed that she had lowered her standards, and what she expected out of herself. Over all, he felt that this was a good choice on her part. Especially since the wars were over. She didn't need to be `on' all the time anymore.
Suddenly, he heard the fire spring to life. Terrified for her safety – even before his – he sprang out of bed. But, as his feet hit the cold floor he felt a chill run through him, causing him to fall back onto the bed – dizzy.
`Fever's up,' he thought, sneezing wetly, twice. He remembered a time when he could take an unforgivable curse, while ill, and still make it back to the shrieking shack to be healed by her. She truly wasn't the only one who was slipping up with age.
He forced himself to the sleep, surprised at how much he ached each time he moved.
That's when he heard it.
"Petrificus totaallus! Aw, geez, I'm sorry! Remus, just hold still... well... yea."
He smiled at the thought of Remus and Tonks coming to check on them, being petrified and then told to hold still. That was humor, that was. And, he was sorry to have missed seeing it.
He shook as another chill ran through him. Convinced that Zia was not in danger, he tucked himself back under the covers and fell back to sleep.
"How is he?" Tonks asked, thanking Zia as she handed them each tea.
"Recovering," Zia replied with a forced smile.
Remus saw through it in an instant. "How are you?" he asked kindly. He took a sip of the tea – spearmint with honey. Perfect for the cold that he was still not yet over. She had known – had read him, as always.
She glared at him. "I'm recovering," she answered honestly.
"Recovering? Oh, from caretaking," Tonks said.
"Or something," Zia agreed.
Immediately sensing that something was wrong, she put down her tea. "What happened?"
"I found out some things. I'm just... coping," Zia responded quietly.
Remus gasped. She was seconds from tears. Zia never cried – not in front of people –and she nearly never confided in people. In her line of work, it wasn't safe. "Coping?" he offered gently.
"Severus, accidently overdosed. Apparently he thought it was a three times potency, and misjudged a few measurements."
"Well, that's good isn't it?" Tonks said brightly.
"Yes, that is good," Zia said. But, there was no emotion in her voice. And, the lack of emotion made Remus shudder.
"What happened, Z?" he asked, suddenly.
"I don't want to talk about it," she replied.
"Let me see," he said gently reaching for her tea.
She handed it over in an instant, confused as to why he wanted her tea. "Why?"
With wolf-like reflexes, he grabbed her arm and yanked up her sleeve. Both he and Tonks gasped at the angry red scar that traced its way from her wrist to her elbow.
"Oh geez, Z," he breathed.
"Oh that... yea, um," she tapped her arm with her wand and it healed, leaving a trail of brown in its place. "I just didn't have time to finish healing it. This one didn't just fix itself." Looking at their shocked, hurt faces she continued, "It's not a big deal guys."
"What did he say?" Remus demanded, angrily.
A wet sneeze emanated from the bedroom. "Nothing, don't worry about it," she said hurriedly, trying to go to check on Severus.
"Bullshit!" Remus snapped, not letting go of her wrist. "What happened, Z? What did he do?"
"The soul healer got the truth out of him. What he really thinks of me."
"And?" Tonks pressured.
Zia sighed, the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. "The soul healer started by saying that Severus was lucky to have me. He responded by saying that he understands why healers don't live very long – that I had long since outlived my usefulness, and that if I was half the healer I used to be, he'd never have wound up in St. Mungos."
Both Tonks and Remus gasped.
"He's right, of course. There was a time when people who were ill were well cared for on my watch. Not left to their own devices. I should have known he was ill before we left. I should have done something about it then."
Remus looked as if he was about to say something, but sneezed into the crook of his arm instead.
"Bless," Zia said, handing him a tissue.
"Thanks," he replied huskily.
Zia felt her heart melt. He was always so cute when he was sick. She wanted to care for him, but it wasn't her place anymore. He had Tonks now, and she took good care of him.
"And what would Remus do without you?" Tonks said, as if she had read her mind.
"Uh, depend on you – as he does. And, I... I'm not needed there anymore."
Tonks looked scandalized. "You most certainly are – just in a different way. And we are lucky to know you."
Zia smiled crookedly. "You're kind to say so. But, Severus is right. There is a reason that healers don't live long – after a while we become so jaded that we're worth more dead than alive."
"You most certainly are not!" Tonks said.
Another sneeze – harsher and wetter than the first – came from the bedroom.
"I know it's hard to understand, but he is a great man. And, I am lucky to be loved by one such as he."
"Oh yes, this is some great love," Tonks replied sarcastically.
"You're lucky," Zia responded quietly. "Your standards and what has been expected of you – they are different than mine. You have met them, and continued to as time has gone on. You are still useful."
She sniffed wetly and brushed the tears out of her eyes.
Remus felt his heart melt. He'd seen her collapse to her own pain – trying to hold herself to impossible standards more times than he could count. But, he had only seen her fall apart because of what others thought of her once before.
They were in Hogwarts and he had been coming down with the flu that Sirius was just getting over. Ever since they had made friends with her, Sirius made it clear that she knew that he did not like being fussed over. The detachment seemed to cause her pain, but she did her best to be as hands off as possible.
But, that afternoon, she had found Sirius asleep and feverish in the library. According to Sirius, he woke up because he had nudged him and pressed a cool compress to the back o his neck. She insisted that he went back to his room.
Embarrassed – and feverish – he had shoved her away, sending her crashing into a stack of books. He later told Remus that it looked like he had hurt her more than just physically: it looked like the spark in her eyes dimmed that day.
Remus sighed as his memory fast forwarded to later that day.
The two of them had advanced potions together and had been paired together. He was feeling more poorly with each passing second, and he knew that she knew.
He shook her hand off his and wetly sneezed into his cupped hand.
She mouthed the words `Bless you,' and slipped him a handkerchief.
He was about to push it back to her when his eyes started to water with an impeding sneeze. Quickly, he brought it to his face and sneezed wetly three times. He groaned when his head pounded in protest. Everything seemed foggy. Anger overtook him. "This is why I hate healers!" he yelled at her.
Standing up he leaned over her. "You're all worthless, annoying, coddling, fussing trolls. My world would have been better if you had never come into it. Ask around! Nobody wants you or your help." His voice had deadpanned by the end. His brown eyes gazed into her green ones, with a seriousness that could not be ignored. He sneezed harshly.
As she tried to hand him a tissue, he yelled, "Leave me alone! I hate you!"
Remus shivered as he remember the silence in the room, the crushed look on her face, and the few giggles and claps from around the room – from the others who she had tried to help and didn't want it.
He snorted and sat down heavily in his chair, listening to her quick footsteps as she ran from the room.
It was hours later when he and Sirius were supposed to go for a roam. The rest of the castle was quiet and they wanted to enjoy some quality time before the flu made it impossible for Remus to enjoy their quality time together.
As Remus prepared to go, Sirius ran into their dorms and through himself onto his bed – sobbing hysterically. Remus was shocked – never before had he seen Sirius so upset about anything.
Through some careful questioning Remus got the story out of Sirius. Apparently, he had been looking for new passageways for them to explore when he came across her, hung by the neck, deep within the secret passageways of the castle. He immediately got Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey, but neither was certain that they would be able to save her.
Remus recalled the crushing weight of guilt. This wasn't what he had meant at all. But, it is what he had said.
The next day they were informed that she would survive. That was the day that Dumbledore told him something that changed him forever. "We're not surprised," he said, "we've been expecting this for quite some time. Healers don't tend to live long, my boy. It's hard to be a natural healer – the classes, they just help guide her. But, her abilities can't be shut off. They are a constant issue, a constant battle for her to fight as she tries to fit in." At Remus' apparent confusion, he continued. "Healers are the first people called on for help and the last people remembered. Generally, the either work themselves to death or kill themselves young. I had higher hopes for her, though – she has friends. Most healers chase people away with their caring. They can't help it any more than they can help healing."
Remus sighed as he snapped out of his reverie. He wasn't a friend to her then, but he would be now.
"Come, let's go," he said, pulling Tonks towards the fireplace. "Severus was right. Healers do tend to die young. They give so freely. It's good that she's found love. And, when Severus is feeling better, he'll start treating her right again. You'll see."
And, with that, they disappeared in a burst of green flame.
Fate, was written because a dear friend of mine (who is very NOT Severus Snape) wanted to be written into one of my fics as Severus Snape. And not just any story, but a Snape/Zia story. So, after much consideration I started writing it. It's not quite the way I would typically write Snape or Zia, but it's been making him very happy.
(For descriptions even I can't adequately get across, use this as a reference on what the rooms looked like: Earl of Pembroke Suite & (Guesthouse