You're All That's Left to Hold On To
a Lord of the Rings story
by Nermal
The air was cold and clear as Aragorn approached the edge of clearing. There were still a few hours left of daylight and that meant there were still a few more hours when he could be sure that the Orcs would not be traveling in pursuit after them. Keeping close to the edge of the forest as they approached Lothlórien kept him apprised of any change in the woods or fields as they traveled. Right now both areas seemed safe enough to take rest, at least until night fell. The horrors seen in the mines of Moria had wearied his companions and the loss of Gandalf had taken away much of the energy that hope had fueled.
Quiet and subdued, the Halfings sat together and prepared themselves dinner before resting. Boromir had agreed to share the few hours’ watch with Gimli and both nodded briefly at Aragorn as he passed them. They would all be safe enough for those few hours and even as he walked a few yards farther into the woods, Aragorn would keep his senses on the alert.
"They are safe. Or as safe as they can be, given the circumstances." He approached the figure who stood next to one of the trees.
"A watch has been set?"
Aragorn nodded. He waited until the tension in that figure's frame relaxed until he spoke again in a low voice. "You can rest now, Legolas. I shall stay with you until we start out again."
"There is time?"
"There is time."
All the tension eased from his body and the light in his eyes dulled as Legolas leaned into his lover's touch. The barest of lines etched themselves around his eyes – lines of fatigue that only made him look tired, not old. Legolas could never look old, Aragorn thought, and touched one finger to his face. "You need to rest," he said quietly. They conversed in Elvish when they were alone; it felt right and good to be able to speak thusly to somebody who understood not only the language, but also him. Only Legolas did both.
"As long as you stay, I can," Legolas answered. He lowered his eyes slightly and looked up again with a tired smile.
"I'll stay."
The tired smile appeared on Legolas's face again. He slid down to the ground in one easy movement, placing his bow and quiver next to his side. His smile turned pleading as he looked up at Aragorn and he sniffled quietly. Once Aragorn sat down next to him and put sword and spear in easy reach, he rested his head against Aragorn's shoulder with another sniffle.
"You don't rest enough," Aragorn murmured.
"Neither do you." A sharp look from once again bright eyes made the quiet reply more pointed.
"Perhaps."
The one word was enough to take the sharpness from Legolas's eyes. He rested his head against Aragorn again and made an almost imperceptible, tired sigh that Aragorn felt echoed in his own bones. Long days of travel through damp and dark can render even the immortal beings weary. Legolas sighed again, moving closer to Aragorn.
"I can't rest if you don't." He muffled a cough into his shoulder and sniffled again. "I feel your weariness as you feel mine."
"Then I should make the effort to rest more often?"
"Perhaps." Another sniffle interrupted the smile that Legolas gave Aragorn. "I also feel your energy. It gives me energy in battle." He frowned instead of smiling this time and turned away with a sharp breath. "eh...Kishh! huhKESHH!"
"Bless." Pressing a kiss to Legolas's forehead, Aragorn slipped an arm around his slender shoulders. "Would that I could give you such energy now."
"Save it... for... CHishh!" The third, wet, soft sneeze made Legolas shudder. "For when we walk again, when I can't yield to the cold." He blinked a few times and rubbed the back of his wrist against his nose. The movement gave him a vulnerability that the other members of the Fellowship would never see. Legolas was strong enough to keep the cold that had settled in his nose and throat at bay when he needed to. In the short hours of rest, however that need was not present. Now he could let the softer light come into his eyes and half-smile spread over his face after Aragorn blessed him again.
"We're strong when we need to be. Now, we rest."
'Yes. Rest."
Legolas eased himself close to Aragorn in a loose embrace. Rest might not mean sleep just yet, but it was all they had until they reached Lothlórien. It could be enough. If they moved quickly and without further encounter with the enemy, the ring would remain safe. The ring, the ring bearer, the fellowship... And his Legolas, he would be safe and well. Even now, as he rested, his head light on Aragorn's shoulder, his eyes would flicker open every few minutes. Eyes and ears alert, he would only rest again when he met Aragorn's glance and both confirmed that was all was well.
"The Hobbits have settled down," Legolas said after closing his eyes once more, "I can no longer hear their chattering." He pressed his face into Aragorn's shoulder, holding back a tired sigh.
"I thought you had settled down, too."
"I have."
Aragorn raised one eyebrow. In the hopes of getting Legolas to stop surveying the area around them, he reached up and slowly stroked the tips of his fingers over Legolas's hair. Blond, soft, and straight, it fell over his shoulders and onto Aragorn's chest and had the same delicacy as his elven features. His body was warm against Aragorn's, so warm that it made Aragorn wish for more than the floor of a forest as a resting place. "You will teach me the songs the Elves of the Mirkwood sing, Legolas."
"When we're at peace." he murmured. Turning his head to press closer to Aragorn again, he sniffled a few times. The sound was uneven and led to a hesitating breath. "hih... eh...K'shh!"
"Bless. You cannot breathe well?"
Legolas shook his head. His forehead creased as if in deep thought and his lips parted as he inhaled slowly. "ehh?h'Kish! ISH!" Another trembling breath had Legolas pressing the back of his hand to his nose, sniffing wetly and leaning in to sneeze once more. "huh-Chishhoo!"
"Bless you! Are you cold?" Drawing his cloak over Legolas, Aragorn let concern pull the corners of his mouth into a frown. Legolas had shuddered again, his shoulders trembling just as his breath did with the sneezes. "We can be warm here, together."
"ehCHishh!" Again Legolas shook his head and sneezed. "I'm warm enough," he sniffled wetly, "next to you," another sniffle, "but... h'CHshh!" A sigh of relief this time and Legolas cleared his throat with a cough.
"But you've caught cold. Can you feel it here?" Aragorn's fingers brushed gently over Legolas's forehead. "You're a little warm," he muttered and moved his fingers in a slow, soothing motion until Legolas's eyes fell shut.
"Sort of... and between my ears and throat, it itches." Dark eyelashes flittered when Aragorn's fingers touched Legolas on the eyelids. "It is not more than I can handle. You won't need to worry, Aragorn."
"I know this already."
"Then why do you frown so?"
Aragorn shrugged, moving his lips as if to speak, but saying nothing. He leaned down to touch his lips to Legolas's forehead in another kiss. Such warm smooth skin, that would show fatigue or illness as little as it showed age. "Because we are bound to each other as companions and lovers."
"That does not usually make you frown." Legolas tipped his head up toward Aragorn. Sneezing had made his eyes over-bright with tears and he blinked them closed again to scrub his sleeve over both his eyes and nose. His skin was pale enough that the action flushed his eyelids and nostrils pink – another hint of delicacy that betrayed the tenacity of the elf's spirit.
"No. And I shall stop frowning at all if you rest again." Aragorn offered Legolas another kiss, this time letting their lips meet briefly. The kiss was quick, but warm, and possibly most intimate an act they had exchanged in long weeks.
Legolas slipped one arm around Aragorn and spent the rest of the watch that way, silent and close to his lover. His breath remained even, only interrupted by a quiet sniffling nose every so often. Each time his breath would catch Aragorn drew his fingers over Legolas's forehead. The simple gesture was more for comfort than to cure the sniffles. Aragon would not be able to do that, not before they reached Lothlórien. Even if no cure or aid could be found there, at least he would have the opportunity to hold his lover closer and for a longer period of time.
Here, there was too much desperation. The agents of Sauron continually tracked them, always in search of the ring. Protecting it and Frodo was Aragorn's priority, one he shared with his lover, even if Legolas had taken a place nearer to his heart when they met in Rivendell. A few stolen moments inside the safe borders of the Elves' forest would put Aragorn's heart at ease. Everyone would be safe and he could hold Legolas for those few moments with a different sort of desperation in his heart.
Night fell too quickly and soon enough the last rays of daylight glimmered in the sky. Legolas opened his eyes before the last beam of sunlight slanted across the sky. He was alert as ever, although he did not waken as quickly as was his wont.
"The watch is nearly over." He stirred and sat up, Aragorn's cloak sliding from his shoulders. "We should go back."
"Are you ready? We can sit for a moment?"
Legolas pondered for a moment, drew a handkerchief from his tunic, and nodded tentatively. The deep frown of concentration was on his face again and transformed into one of annoyance after he took a series of coaxing breaths. Aragorn reached up to smooth his hair again and get rid of the line of anxiety that creased Legolas's forehead. He pulled his hand back, letting it hover over the elf's head, when the frown melted into a pre-sneeze expression.
"CH'shh!" Much of the sound of the sneeze got absorbed by the handkerchief, but the forward thrust of Legolas's body showed how strong it had been. He leaned back slightly, shoulders tensing again, and buried his nose in the handkerchief. "heh'CHff!"
"Bless." Aragorn touched his hand briefly to Legolas's hair, smoothing it down until he could stroke the ends that fell to middle of his back. "Did that afford you much relief?" He asked the question in a gentle voice, fingers moving slowly over Legolas's back.
"Thank you; some." The muscles beneath Aragorn's hand tensed again and Legolas moved away from the touch. He inhaled, exhaled, and exhaled again with a strained noise. "Ehh...heh...hehTSH! CHshh! HuhCHISHuhn!"
"Bless, Legolas. Better?"
Legolas shook his head vigorously, gave his nose a few quick, efficient blows and then sighed. "Yes, better. I should be fine for a good while now." His hair fell from Aragorn's fingers as he rose from ground, movements as swift and silent as ever. Offering his hand to Aragorn, a smile brightened his eyes. "The sooner we start, the sooner we get to the woods of Lórien."
Aragorn took Legolas's hand as he stood up. "And the sooner we get to a place of rest and safety." He held his lover's hand in his own seconds longer than was necessary to relish the warmth and pressure for those few seconds. "You will run ahead of us," Aragorn said after they had buckled their weapons back on and headed toward the others, "but you will fall back and tell me if you weaken."
"I will not need to. But I shall come to you, when I need you," he added before switching to the common tongue and rousing the Halfings.
Aragorn watched Legolas with a half smile on his face. The elf had inimitable strength as the light in his eyes and quickness in his movements attested. Only he could see the trace of weariness in his lover's eyes and while this made his heart ache someplace deep inside, it also made him smile. Especially when Legolas turned around, a grin on his face, and nodded at Aragorn. Weariness, but not weakness. The strength that Aragorn held onto was still in his lover's eyes.
Aragorn raised his head when silent footfalls came to rest beside him. Lothórien was secure enough that he knew he need not be alarmed, besides the fact that he could identify those footsteps as easily as if his lover had spoken to him. "It is not like your Mirkwood."
"Nor is it unlike the Mirkwood," Legolas answered, "for they are both part of Elvendom." He sat down just as silently as he had approached and took his place on the blankets Aragorn had used as a make-shift bed for the two of them. "I have brought you water."
Aragorn frowned, but accepted the silver goblet Legolas offered him. He had not asked for the water for himself, but for his lover. Lest Legolas think that he was fussing – the elf needed no one to fuss over him, cold or no cold – he nodded gratefully, drank down half the water, and placed the cup on the ground. "And I have something for you."
Legolas raised his eyebrows slightly. His eyes were bright in the faded blue-grey winter night of Lothlórien. "Have you?"
"Perhaps two things then," Aragorn whispered with a smile at the unexpected affection in his lover's eyes. He traced the tip of one finger very gently down the side of Legolas's face before turning away and searching for a small pouch. With the contents of the pouch having been dumped into the goblet, he turned back and handed the container of water back to Legolas. "Drink this for me."
Legolas raised his eyebrows critically this time. He peered into the goblet, glanced back at Aragorn, looked into the cup once more and turned away quickly to sneeze. "EhKhishh! Oh... IshhAH! Unfair it was of you to not tell me that you've given me lakheth."
"It will help bring your cold full out and help you heal more quickly."
"I already heal quickly." A wet sniffle punctuated the statement and led to another sniffle, and another, which in turn led to a wavering breath. "Ihhhih...HihSHH!"
"/More/ quickly, Legolas."
"HuhCHssh! Chishhoo!" Legolas aimed the rapid, itchy sounding sneezes toward his shoulder. "Eh...ISHoo! Eiishh!"
"You have to drink it, not inhale it, or you'll never stop sneezing." He pressed his hand to the center of Legolas's back, the warmth of skin easily felt through the thin tunic Legolas wore. With his free hand Aragorn lowered the goblet and placed it back down on the ground. "Now, get rid of the irritation in your nose so can drink the draught."
Legolas nodded and the expression on his face became more and more aggravated. He curled away from Aragorn to sneeze a powerful "ChISHoo!" off to the side. When he turned back, tears glistened in his eyes and his nose twitched with another case of sniffles. "The lakheth is too sharp for me."
"Nay, just the scent. It's your senses that are too sharp." Drawing the back of his hand over Legolas's cheek and brushing the hair back from his face, Aragorn allowed himself a small smile before becoming serious again.
"Now, drink. It's important for you to get well as quickly as possible. We need you well," he said quietly and combed his fingers through Legolas's hair as he gave the cup an uncertain look, "I need you well."
One gulp was enough to drain the cup and send it tumbling down to the ground at Aragorn's feet. Legolas looked up at him with watering eyes and make an accusatory sound. "That is sharper than a knife in the throat! I can feel it burning like firewater in my chest."
Aragorn felt the smile curve his lips again. "You need not have swallowed it all down at once so quickly."
"What other hideous cure do you have for me? You mentioned something else," Legolas asked between sniffles and blinking back the tears from his eyes. Both the draught and his cold had rimmed his eyes with red and flushed his nostrils a sensitive pink.
"Not hideous, or so I hope." Touching his lover's cheek very gently, Aragorn brushed the damp from under his eyes with one thumb. He did the same to the other eye, leaning closer to kiss Legolas on cheek when he finished, and put one arm around his waist. "We are not as alone as I wish we were, but there is enough privacy here for me to hold you, if you wish me to."
"What if I wish to hold you?"
"Then I would have to yield to you. To make up for the lakheth I made you drink." Leaning in for another kiss, Aragorn smiled against Legolas's cheek. He leaned back again regretfully when Legolas twitched away from his touch.
"Lakheth does not work that quickly," he mumbled and pressed his nose into the back of his hand with a wet sniffly noise. The noise repeated itself a few times and Legolas sighed with frustration. He had taken to rubbing his nose and sniffling loudly, but the action only seemed to make him cough.
Vulnerability flickered in his eyes once more as he raised them to Aragorn."Handkerchief?"
Aragorn nodded. He took up a cloth he had placed by the herb pouch, unfolded it quickly and pressed the cloth in Legolas's hand. The soft look, one of plaintive helplessness, still lingered in Legolas's eyes and as he gazed at it, Aragorn could not help but tighten the arm he had around his lover. He wanted to hang onto this moment – a small shred of intimacy among the pattern of desperate hope that had taken over their lives. "All right?" He asked softly and stroked his fingers down Legolas's side.
"All right..." Even softer was the response. Legolas tensed under Aragorn's hand as he raised the handkerchief to his face. His motions seemed slow, deliberate and careful to match the shallow, measured breaths he took.
"huh... ahh... hah-KISHHahh! K'HISH! EhKeshoo!" Legolas blew his nose lustily after the sneezes, finally leaning against Aragorn with a sigh of relief.
"Bless. You'll let me hold you now, Legolas?"
"I think I might." The sneezes had made Legolas's voice congested and he sniffled thickly before wiping his nose with the handkerchief again. "Did you tell the others that I had taken ill?"
"No, but if you keep sneezing like that, all of Lórien will know you have a touch of cold."
"Does it bother you?" Legolas demanded and sat up quickly. The congestion in his voice made the question less urgent, for he had to stop and clear his throat after asking it. But the look in his eyes had hardened enough for Aragorn to notice.
"Come, love. You know it does not." Slipping warm hands around Legolas's waist, Aragorn drew him close once more. "Would I hold you like this if it did?"
"Forgive me. I must be tired. You are good to me, I know that."
"As you are good to me."
Legolas turned in Aragorn's arms. "Am I?"
"You give me something to hold on to. Something real. Something that will outlive this quest."
"Hmm." Legolas looked thoughtful for a few seconds. Nudging Aragorn to lie down on their bedrolls, he settled into his lover's arms. "The lakheth will work overnight? And I shall feel better in the morning?"
"I believe so. Certainly less congested and you will not be sneezing as much."
"Then you shall hear one of the songs of the Mirkwood elves." He smiled slowly, one hand tangling its fingers with those of Aragorn. "And perhaps I shall hold you for a while."
Aragorn smiled. He remained awake until his lover's congested breathing slowed into that of sleep, quiet and even. But even then, he kept Legolas's words fresh in his mind. They were something he could hold onto long after morning came.
The End
"Red Hill Mining Town"
- U2From father to son the blood runs thin
See faces frozen still against the wind
The seam is split, the coal face cracked
The lines are long, there's no going back
Through hands of steel and heart of stone
Our labor day has come and goneAnd you leave me holding on
In Red Hill Town
See lights go down on ...Hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on to
I'm still waiting
I'm hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on toThe glass is cut, the bottle run dry
Our love runs cold in the caverns of the night
We're wounded by fear, injured in doubt
I can lose myself, you I can't live withoutYeah you keep me holding on
In a Red Hill Town
See the lights go down on ...I'm hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on to
I'm still waiting
Hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on to
Hold on toWe'll scorch the earth
Set fire to the sky
And we stoop so low to reach so high
A link is lost, the chain undone
We wait all day for night to come
And it comes like a hunter childI'm hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on to
I'm still waiting
I'm hanging on
You're all that's left to hold on toLove, slowly stripped away
Love, has seen its better day
Hanging onLights go out on Red Hill
Let's go down on Red Hill
Let's go down on Red Hill Town
Let's go down on Red Hill
Tolkien, et al. Title from U2's 'Red Hill Mining Town.'