Surprising Solice
a Harry Potter story
by midnight_angel_girl


As the rain began to dampen him, Remus Lupin walked slowly down the path to the small graveyard. He stared straight ahead, not noticing the other stones, not even noticing the rain. As he approached the familiar headstone, he became aware of a man in black knelt next to it. "Severus?" he asked, nearing the man.

Snape whirled around. "Lupin." he responded with a half-hearted sneer.

Lupin knelt down next to Snape and looked, mournfully, at the grave.

Ashling Erinn O'Connor
May 13 1960 - June 3 2000
And He will wipe away
Every tear

"I should have known you'd be here." Snape snarled, although not as nastily as usual.

Lupin looked at him; was it his imagination or did the man sound congested. "I come every week, and always on this day."

"I should have figured as much. Bloody sentimental werewolf."

"You're here. Judging from the looks of things, I'd wager you've been here awhile." Snape's robes were soaking; his hair hung in wet clumps around his face, and he was shaking from the chill, or so Remus supposed.

Snape opened his mouth to respond, but instead turned his head and inhaled sharply. " Hihkfff, hechfff, hihchfff. " He blew his nose on a wet handkerchief, an expression of distaste crossing his face.

"Bless you." Remus told him, risking it, and placing his hand on the man's flushed face.

"I'mb finde, Lupind." Severus snapped. "It's my allergies."

"And a cold." Remus responded, gently, yet firmly, slipping off his drier cloak and placing it on the man's shoulders.

Snape looked forward at the grave. "I miss her." was all he said.

"Me too." They sat there in silence for a minute before Snape sneezed again. " Ehhshhfff, huhhhshfff. "

Remus produced a dry handkerchief from his pocket and offered it. After a few seconds, Snape begrudgingly took it. " Ihshmphh " he sneezed into it and blew his nose.

"Severus, let's get you out of this rain. It's going to make you worse."

"I'b fide." Severus spat, starting to get up, and pausing as a sudden wave of dizziness overtook him. Remus grabbed his arm.

"We're going to apparate now." He told him firmly. "Just hold on to me." There was a pop, and the next thing Snape knew, the sun was shining and they were in a tree lined yard.

"Where are we?" he sniffed, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Home. Well, for me anyway. Ashling's house." They headed around to the front door, as Remus began searching through his pockets for the keys.

"Shit." He muttered.

"What?" demanded Snape. " Ihshh "

"I can't find the key." Remus replied, looking through the window. "Because I left them on the table. Damn."

" Hihhshhff ...Use your... shkfff ...wad. Ad huh..hurry... hihshhkfft ...I'b very ahh... ahhihshfff ...allergic to these lilacs she idsisted od puttig here. Ekishmmmphh " He pressed the handkerchief to his nose.

"Stand behind me." Lupin pulled out his wand. "Alohomora." he muttered as the door creaked open. Remus led Snape into the kitchen and took the cloak, laying it on a chair.

" Hetchhh, ehhshhpphhh ." Snape shivered, pulling out his wand and muttering secarse. Remus did the same, then set about making tea, partly for something to do, and partly to warm Snape up slightly.

" Huhshhh, ehhhhshhh " Snape blew his nose again into Remus's handkerchief. "Thank you." he mumbled, hoping the werewolf wouldn't notice Snape's, albeit, begrudging thanks.

"Not a problem. You're still shivering badly. I'm going to check your temperature, so don't hex me for pointing my wand at you."

Severus nodded. "Fide. But I cad already tell you I hab a feber."

"I want to see what it is. Examinus." Remus said, pointing the wand at him, and looking at what had shown up. "Temperature...101, complaints....seasonal allergies, head cold." He looked further down the reading. "You've got nearly as many allergies as I do, Severus. Right now, I think you should have some tea and lay down."

Coughing, Severus nodded. "I rebeber the first tibe I was here." he snuffled as Remus grabbed the tea and led him to the living room. Remus laid a pillow and blanket on the couch, and Snape lay down, taking the tea.

"I remember, too." Remus responded. "The cat died shortly after she did, so that's one thing you won't have to deal with."

" Ehkisshhh " Severus nodded, blowing his nose and taking a sip of the tea.

***Flashback***

Remus Lupin opened the front door to see Severus Snape standing there, his large nose buried behind his handkerchief. "Ah, Severus. Come in, come in." he greeted him warmly. Snape blew his nose and followed the werewolf inside. Remus was wan and pale, an indication of the full moon that would take place in a few hours time. "Thank you so much for coming. This is rather a bad time for the full moon I'm afraid, what with - "

"How's Ashling?" Snape interrupted to get the man to the point.

"She's pretty sick. She's not contagious anymore, but pretty sick nonetheless. She's got some sort of throat infection, and you know that that can pose a problem with her asthma. She said she'd be fine, but she's pretty weak and I didn't want her left alone."

"So you called me." Snape stated bluntly.

"Well, with James and Lily dead, and Sirius in Azkaban, there weren't a whole lot of options. I know you two are friends, and I trust you with her. More importantly, she trusts you, and she'll allow you to care for her."

"We were more than friends, Lupin. You know that."

"I do," he acknowledged. "That's why I called you. You've seen her like this before, and as loath as she is to admit it, she does need someone here with her. I really appreciate it."

"Let's get one thing straight, Lupin." he snapped. "I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for her. Epptchh, ehhpthff ." Snape rubbed at his nose with his handkerchief.

"Her pills and stuff are upstairs. She can handle that part. I've been making her drink plenty of tea. Put some honey in it so it's easier on her throat. And if you can, try to get her to eat something."

"I can take care of a sick person, thank you very much."

"Okay. It's just, she hasn't eaten hardly anything today. There's soup in the fridge. Make yourself whatever you want. Oh, and you probably want to stay out of the basement."

"Why on... eh-Shhh, huhhshhh ...Why would I wandt to go ind your basebendt? Merlind ondly know what you have down there."

"I put the cat down there. I also used a deep cleaning spell on the house. I was hoping that then the cat wouldn't bother you too much, although it doesn't sound like it."

"As much as it would please me to make you believe it so, it's probably not the cat so much... Hahshphhh, ehhchmphhh. My allergies are really bad and those damned lilacs you have out front make matters worse. It took you long enough to open the blasted door. Although I do appreciate you remembering about the cat." he admitted begrudgingly.

"I was upstairs with Ash. I'll show you around quick and then I have to go." Remus led Severus on a quick tour of the downstairs and then took him upstairs to one of the guest rooms. "She wanted you in this room." he explained.

Snape placed his overnight bag in the corner. "Can I see her now?" he demanded.

"This way." Remus opened a door down the hall and walked in. "Ash?" She turned and looked at him. "Severus is here. Do you need anything before I go?"

"I'm fine." she croaked."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then." He bent down and gave her a quick hug. "Behave for Severus, and let him take care of you."

"I'm sick, Remus, not six." She rolled her eyes at him and stuck out her tongue.

"You sure about that?" Remus grinned and left.

"Hey Ash." Severus settled in the chair.

"Hey Severus. Missed ya."

"I missed you too. How are you really feeling?"

"Lousy. My head hurts, my throat hurts, my stomach hurts, and my chest hurts." she rasped, coughing. "You're not going to suffocate me like Remus, are you?"

"No. I tried that once, and I know you don't like it. But, he did say you need to stay in bed and rest and try to eat something. Heh-chff, hihchh, hichhmphh. "

"Bless you. Remus is gone, so you don't have to hold your sneezes back anymore."

"I don't like people hearing me."

"It's only me. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know, and you constantly remind me. It's habit, but I'll try not to be so self-conscious about it."

"It just can't be good. And you know you sneeze less if you don't fight it."

"I know. They're just loud and embarrassing, and I hate drawing attention to myself, and you know the other reason."

"I do, and I understand. And I know how you feel. I hate sneezing in front of people, too. Only time I don't fight it is around you or Remus."

"I know, and I can't understand why. Your sneezes are very airy and quiet. They're not half as loud and powerful as mine.

"I don't enjoy showing weakness or illness. I'll cough a bit around people, but if it's going to be a bad spell, I'll leave the room. I don't even like taking my medications in front of people."

"I know. No ma...ahhh...matteh...ehhh... her-SHAH ...matter how close we got, you never let me....eehh... eh-SHOO ...see."

"Never will." she responded simply. "Don't let Remus either." She yawned.

"Gett...ihh...getti... ing-SHAH ....tired?" His eyes softened in concern.

"Bless you. Yeah. You okay?"

Snape blew his nose with his handkerchief. "Allergies are really bad right now. And my nose is itching from the lilacs while I was waiting for Lupin to open the door. Huh-IHSHOO . I'm surprised he remembered about the cat. I figured he'd "forget" to torture me, even with you reminding him."

"Remus isn't like that, Sev. He never hated you. And I didn't remind him that you're allergic to cats until he'd already taken care of things. He remembered from when you visited at the old house. He remembers things like that, probably because he has so many allergies of his own." Yawning again, she started coughing. "Severus, I need to rest now."

"You..." he broke off and levitated a couple tissues from the box next to him towards him. "Hag od." he muttered, pressing the tissues to his nose. " Ahh...ahh..hah...ha-TCHOO, Hah-CHOO, huh-uh-CHOO, Ker-CHOO, har-ASHOO, HAESHOO, HAESH, ESHOO, HITCHOO, Ah-ASHOO, Hahh-SHUSHH-SHOO. " After the first few sneezes kept jerking his head forward, roughly, he chose to just keep it there. His shoulder length black hair hung in his face, and his body shook with each thunderous sneeze. " Heh-AHSHESHHH, EHCHEOO, heh-AHSHOO, AHCHOO, HAHCHOO. " He straightened up, wiping tears out of his eyes. "Dad's beder. You deed to eat firsd. Lupid said you habed't sidce dis bordig."

She tossed the box of tissues at him. He raised an eyebrow as he took several. "My wand's over there. This was easier." she explained as Snape set about blowing his nose.

"The tickle's gone now, pretty much. You need to eat, then you can rest." he informed her gently.

"Fine."

"I'll go get you some soup and some more tea." He returned a few minutes later with a bowl of chicken broth and another cup of steaming hot tea. She ate most of the soup and laid back.

"Can I go to bed now?"

"Yeah. Hah-CHEOO. I'll take these downstairs while you take your pills."

"Can you bring me another glass of water, please?"

"Sure. I'll be back in 5 minutes." She took the pills while Snape was downstairs and got ready to fall asleep. He returned with a thick book and a glass of water. "Sleep well, hon," he told her, settling back in the chair with the book.

"Night, Sev. You don't have to stay in here, you know. I'm sure Remus told you that the room is charmed so you can hear me, and also with an alarm that will go off if I can't call for you or anything."

"Okay. Heh-CHEHHUH. I'll see you in the morning, then." He went over and gave her a hug, and she gently kissed him on the cheek. "Just yell if you need me."

"I will." Snape walked to the door and turned out the light. He left the door partly opened and retired to the guestroom for the night.

The night passed pretty much uneventfully. Snape had been awoken a few times to hear Ashling in the middle of an intense coughing fit, but when he would check on her, she would assure him she was fine and fall back into a restless sleep.

As was usual this time of year, Snape's allergies functioned as his alarm clock. " Hah-ESHOO, HAESHH ." He fumbled for the box of tissues that had been placed (probably by Remus, he grumbled) next to his bed and blew his nose. He got dressed and went downstairs for a glass of water. Returning to the room, he dug deep into his bag and produced his bottle of allergy pills. As much as he hated to admit it, the muggle medicine did do a lot to control his symptoms, especially since he could no longer take the wizarding potions. He proceeded to Ashling's room. She was finally sleeping somewhat peacefully. As much as he hated to, he shook her awake.

"Mrghh. Gwwy."

"Still incredibly articulate upon awakening, I see." She rolled over and leaned back on the pillows. She was pale and had dark shadows under her eyes, indicating just how rough the night had been on her.

"Did you sleep okay?" She asked. "I hope I didn't keep you awake all night."

Snape held up his hand while digging his handkerchief out of his pocket. "Heh-AHSHOO, hey-EHSHOO, HERASHOO ." He paused to blow his nose. "I slept fine. I got up with you a few times, but you sent me back to bed. Do you want some breakfast?"

"No, not right now. I'd love a bit more sleep though. Go make yourself something." "Okay. I'll be back in ahh... Ah-huh-SHOO ...bit." Snape returned a half hour later with some tea for her and settled in the chair with his book. She was still sleeping restlessly, and he was still reading when he heard the door open and Remus head upstairs. Remus appeared in the doorway, looking even more worn and haggard than he had the night before. Snape noticed some fresh cuts and bruises as well.

"Lupin." He assessed the werewolf.

"Hello, Severus." He went and sat on the edge of the bed, and Ashling woke up and looked at him. "I'm back, Ash. Rough night?"

"I've had worse. I've also had better. Let's get you cleaned up."

She started to sit up, and Remus put out a hand to stop her. "You're sick. You need to rest. I can handle it."

"Remus, you need help. You're hurt pretty bad. I'm not that sick."

"I'll get it, Ashling. I'm fine. It's just a few scratches."

"Remus -"

Snape interrupted her. "I'll take care of it, Ashling. Just tell me where everything is."

"Bathroom. Thanks, Sev."

Snape got the things from the bathroom and followed Remus to his room. "I don't have anything for the bruises." he told him as he set about cleaning the cuts. "It's going to sting a bit, too." As Snape leaned in to clean a cut on Lupin's chest, Remus pushed him away. "Do you want me to clean you up or not." He snapped.

The werewolf didn't answer but instead turned his head and buried his face in the crook of his arm. " Huhishhoo, ihhshhoo, heyshoo, heyihhshhh, eehshoo. " He sneezed. "Sorry." he sniffled, reaching for the tissues. "I - iihhshhoo-shoo, huh-ihhshhoo, huh-ishh. I didn't want to sneeze on you." he explained.

"Appreciated. You're not sick, now, are you?"

"Do. I dond't get sick whend I trandsformb ind the sumber, but after the trandsforbationd, by senses are evend more...ehshoo...heighted thand they normally are, and my allergies get worse. I'll take something whend your donde."

Snape nodded at his explanation and continued cleaning and bandaging the wounds. "Just warn me if you're going to sneeze again. I don't relish the idea of getting your snot all over me. Hold on." Snape pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and let out a few sneezes of his own. " Hetchmfff, heh-chfff, huh-chuff. Excuse me." When he was done patching up Lupin, he watched as the man, tiredly, limped to the bathroom to take something for his allergies. Lupin hobbled back and laid down on the bed, yawning.

"Thanks for doing this. You can go. I've got things now. I hope you don't mind if I don't walk you out. I'm rather tired and sore."

Snape started to head out to get his stuff and stopped. "Lupin, you look like shit. I'd be surprised if you could take care of yourself right now." he sneered. "She's really sick. How are you going to manage to take care of both of you?"

"We've managed before, and we'll manage again." he replied, wearily.

"She had a really bad night. She needs more care than you look able to provide right now."

"And just what do you propose I do? I can't change things."

"I'll stay and take care of her until Sunday night. You are on your own. If you want to eat what I cook, you can, but other than that, you can take care of yourself. Heh-mmphh. And that mangy flea-bitten beast."

"Aren't we one and the same?" Lupin retorted.

"I meant the cat, werewolf."

"Better not let Ash hear you call Boots that. She'll have at you. Thank you for everything, Severus."

"Once again, Lupin, I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for her."

**End Flashback**

" Heh-chmff, heh-chff." Snape rubbed at his nose with the handkerchief.

"I can't believe you stayed until it was time for your classes on Monday."

Snape's eyes softened almost imperceptibly. "If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't have. But for her...I wish I could have done more. Het-mmphh, heh-ngkk ."

"Have you taken anything for your cold, Severus?" Remus inquired politely.

"Can't. Allergic to pepper-up. Well, thank you for the tea and a chance to warm up. I should be going." He rose to leave and almost immediately sank back onto the couch again.

"Severus?" A note of concern entered Remus's voice as he went over to the Slytherin.

"I'm fine." He shook off Remus's arm. "Just a little dizzy all of a sudden."

Remus looked closely at him. Severus was flushed and shaking. "You look like hell. Let's go upstairs and have you lay down. You're staying here. You are in no condition to travel. I'll call Dumbledore and have him bring you what you need."

"I'll be fine, Lupin. I don't need you taking care of me."

"I know you don't want me to, but you look like you could use some help. And I could use some company right now, someone who knew her. And, perhaps, you could to. She would have wanted this."

"Fine. I'll stay. I have to admit, I don't feel up to traveling."

"Let's get you into bed, and then, I'll call Dumbledore." Remus turned his head and pressed his arm over his nose. " Huhihhshhoo, ihhsshhoo. Excuse me." He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and helped Snape upstairs.

Before, Ashling had always kept the bedroom doors opened, but now, two were closed. Remus led him into one of the open bedrooms, the one Snape slept in whenever he stayed over.

"Can't stand to look in those rooms?" he attempted to sneer, but ruined the effect by sneezing. " Ihhkfff, hehchfff, ehhshfff, iihhkshff. "

"No. Lay down. Other than clothes and a toothbrush and hairbrush, what else do you need?"

"My allergy pills and I'd like the book by my bed."

"I'll go call Dumbledore. Try to rest some more."

Severus dozed off and awoke a bit later to see Albus Dumbledore sitting there. "Your things are over there." Dumbledore motioned to a corner of the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Lousy. I hate being sick during allergy season. It'd be nice if I could take some pepper-up and be done with it. Heh-mish, heh-impish ."

"I know. Remus went to the store to get some groceries and tissues and things He'll be back in about an hour." He paused. "Severus, you are rather ill. Remus has offered to let you stay here and look after you until you're better, and I'm going to insist that you do. I think the two of you will be a great help to each other right now. There is much for you to talk about."

"I have nothing to say to him about Ashling. He did nothing to prevent her death. Heh-chff. "

"That's not true, Severus. He kept her alive as long as he could. You know she was an empath, right?"

"Yes."

"She was a very strong, gifted empath. It's a great gift, but it comes at a great cost. Empaths do not live long lives. It is rare for one of her strength to live as long as she did."

"Whahh... ahchfff, ahktchh .....what kept her going so long then?"

"Love, Severus. Pure and simple love. Mine, Remus's, yours, and many other people's. It kept the light in her eyes longer than I thought possible. We all knew it was coming."

"If you knew it was coming, why didn't you stop her? I loved her more than anything; I would have done anything for her; I would have died for her, and you all just let her die!" He yelled.

"Severus, I'm going to try to explain this to you. It's not easy, and I know you'd rather hold onto your anger, but I'm asking you to listen.

Snape nodded, bringing his hand to his nose. " Haa-chmph, ah-chmmff, har-chmphh, huh-kmphff, chishhmpff, kuhchschh. "

"Gesundheit. As you know, Ashling was a very strong empath. One of the strongest I've seen in a long time. She was also very intelligent, one of the brightest Ravenclaws of her year, and that is saying something. When I first met her, I saw how strong she was. I didn't think she'd make it past 25. She had already been through a lot in 11 years, and she was able to pick up the pain of those around her and feel it, too strongly. But she also had wonderful people around her who loved and supported her. Me, Remus, the Longbottoms, James, Lily, Sirius, and you. The two of you had something special. Everyone thought you'd be together forever."

"But then... heh-chmphh ...I joined the Deatheaters, and she ended it."

"Not because she didn't love you. Partly because her skills would be incredibly valuable to Voldemort. In addition to the empathy, she was a gifted seer and a psychometric, to use the muggle term."

"What's that? Huh-ishhmphh ."

"She could learn about a person by holding an object of theirs. She could learn their strengths, their weaknesses, their fears, and even their whereabouts. And she was afraid Voldemort would use you to get to her. She also told me this reason, and I can't fully understand it, but it is a reason for you, so perhaps you can. She told me she gave you up because she couldn't bear to lose you."

"She wanted it to be her choice, instead of me being taken from her."

"I see. You all kept the light in her eyes. As long as that light was there, she would live. I saw that light flicker and dim many times, Severus; when she her father killed himself, her mother's death, when James and Lily were killed, when Sirius went behind the curtain, and it grew the dimmest when she walked away from you. But it only dimmed; it never went out. I thought losing you would have done it, but it didn't. She told me it was because she still had hope for you. Are you with me this far?"

Snape nodded, blowing his nose.

"Once the light goes out, there is nothing that can bring it back."

"What did it for her?"

"Neville's death. He lived here after his grandmother died. Ashling was Alice's best friend, and Neville's godmother."

"But he died a hero's death. He defeated Voldemort."

"Yes, and he was killed by Bellatrix Black, who was killed by Harry and Remus. She loved him like he was her own child. He died in her arms at the hospital and she told Frank and Alice. But, the light went out in her eyes that day. Remus only closed the door to her bedroom. She couldn't bear to look at Neville's."

"What happens when... heh-shhh, hehshmff ...whed the light goes out?"

"The light is her only defense against pain. When it dies, the pain comes rushing in. Not only the pain of those around her, but also the pain of the world. You know she was never very healthy, right?"

Snape nodded. "I knew she had asthma, and I know she didn't feel good a lot of the time."

"Muggle doctors treated her for depression and some other things I can't remember the names of. She was in great pain after Neville died, physical pain. The pain of the world around her found its way into her body, weakening her."

"But why didn't anyone try and stop her? I assume you, at least, knew it was coming."

"I did. Remus kept me up to date on her, and towards the end, I was here all the time." "When did you... hih-shhhshh ...know it was the end?"

"Remus owled me. She came down to breakfast and had been crying. When he asked her what was wrong, she said the world hurt, the world had been crying. And she made him put his hand in the dirt, and couldn't understand why he couldn't feel anything. We did all we could, Severus. 41 years is a long life for an empath."

"Were you there when she died? Hehhpishhh, hehpifft ."

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"She took an overdose of muggle pills while Remus and I stepped outside for some air. I sensed it and ran to her. 'You're dying,' I said; 'let me,' she responded, and I did. She would have kept trying until she succeeded. But know this, Severus, she loved you very much, more than anyone."

"If I hadn't become a Deatheater, if we had married as we had planned, she could still be alive." Snape wiped tears from his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Most likely not. There was nothing anyone could have done. Love kept her alive, but there was just too much pain out there. She lived longer than most of us thought, and the love the two of you shared had a great deal to do with that. Her last words to me were to tell you she loved you and not to blame yourself, and she told me to try to explain to you." Dumbledore went over and wrapped the younger man in a hug. "Remember, Severus, she is not hurting anymore, and she is only as far away as your memories. Remus can help you; I daresay he needs it as well."

Snape straightened up and blew his nose. "I'll stay, for her."

"Do it for you. You can't keep carrying it around with you. Grief is good, but I fear if you don't let go of the pain, it will destroy you. It was not a chance encounter you and Remus had in the graveyard today."

"You had something to do with it?"

"No. I reckon it was something stronger than that."

"I'll try, Albus." He pressed the handkerchief to his nose. " Heh-kemshhh, eh-umphh, huh-pfft, hehkghhtt. "

They heard Remus coming up the stairs. "I'll leave you now, but remember what I said." Albus went into the hallway, spoke to Remus and then left.

Remus walked into the guest room, holding his shopping bag. He handed Severus a fresh box of tissues. "Thought you could use these. You okay?"

"Miserable. Hmmshhh. I really wish I could take pepper-up."

"What'll happen if you do?"

"Hives, difficulty breathing."

"Would you be interested in alternative treatment?"

"There's no other potion I can take. I can't take anything for colds or allergies. I'm either allergic to a plant or herb in there, or they are no longer effective."

"What do you take for your allergies, then? If I remember correctly, they could become quite severe."

"Loratidine. Muggle medication."

"I know. I take it myself on occasion."

" Uh-emmphh, tuchff. What was your suggestion?"

"Muggle cold tablets." He handed the man a box of cold medicine.

Snape examined the back. "I'm not allergic to anything in here, and I certainly do meet the criteria. Do they work? Ihshfff, kshfff. "

"I take them. Ash took them; she hated pepper-up."

"I dow." He opened the tissues and blew his nose. "I'll think about it."

"Fair enough. You want anything in particular for dinner? I bought a few different things."

"Not hungry. You just went to muggle London, then?"

"And Diagon Alley. Had to pick up my paycheck and go to Gringott's as well as get some muggle bills."

"Where are you working?" Lupin having a job was news to him; his lycanthropy made many unwilling to hire him.

"Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. They don't care that I miss a few days for the full moon."

"Thrilled to have a marauder working for them, I'll bet." he sneered.

"I suppose, although I am the only one left."

"Except Pettigrew."

"Peter Pettigrew betrayed us all. He no longer deserves to be a part." Remus snapped, coldly.

"Touchy, aren't we?"

"Don't, Snape. He was a traitor and deserves Azkaban, deserves the Dementor's kiss. Ash despised him from the day she met him. Now I see why."

"She... ehhtchhh, huhshfff, chumphhh, ihsmphhh . She knew her frieds idstandly." "I remember meeting both of you on the train first year."

Snape gave him a look, faintly resembling a smile and blew his nose. "Me too."

**Flashback**

A skinny pale boy with a large nose and stringy black hair sat alone in a traincompartment of the Hogwarts Express. He looked up as the door opened. "Do you mind if I join you?" a soft voice asked.

Snape looked up at the tiny girl; she had long strawberry blonde hair and clear, sparkling blue eyes. "No, sit down."

"Thank you. I'm Ashling, Ashling Erinn O'Connor."

"Severus Snape."

"Nice to meet you. Where are you from?"

Snape was surprised. There was a beautiful girl sitting with him, asking him questions as though she was genuinely interested. "Bristol." he said as the door slid open again.

A slight, very pale, brown haired boy with brownish eyes asked if he could join them. Snape nodded, and the boy sat next to Ashling. "I'm Remus Lupin."

"I'm Ashling Erinn O'Connor, and this is Severus Snape. Where are you from?" "Wales."

"Where are you from, Ashling?" Snape asked. "I'm assuming Ireland."

"Right. Galway. Are you both first years, too?"

"Yeah." Snape told her. Remus nodded, yawning.

"Tired?" she asked him. "I couldn't sleep last night either. I was too excited and too nervous. I've never really been away from home before. I hope it'll be fun. My mum taught me some stuff, but there's a lot to learn. She told me all about Hogwarts and everything she learned. It sounds awesome. She was a Ravenclaw. So was my Dad, so I'll probably be one too. I went and visited my dad before I left. He was happy for me, happier than my step-dad was. He's a muggle, my step-dad, I mean. So what house do you think you'll be in?"

"My mom was a Ravenclaw, and my dad was in Hufflepuff, so I don't know." Remus told her, yawning again.

"My family's always been in Sly... ihh...ihtschh, hitschhff, hitschhphh. In Slytherin. They'll be disappointed if I'm not. Huh-schff." Snape checked his pockets for a handkerchief, but upon discovering he had forgotten it, settled for rubbing his nose with his sleeve.

"Bless you."

"Thanks. It's allergies. They're really bad this time of year. Ehhr-schhh. " He mumbled, blushing.

Remus pulled a box of tissues from his bag and offered it to Snape. "I've... ihshhoo. I've got a touch of hay fever myself." He explained.

"Thank you." Snape took a few tissues and blew his nose. " Eh-shmphh. "

" Hishoo, shoo, ahishhoo ." Remus sneezed as well.

Ashling pointed her wand at the open window. "Cerra." The window slammed shut. "Thanks." Snape snuffled, blowing his nose again.

"Yeah. Thanks." Remus yawned again, leaning his head against the window.

"Take a nap; you look like you need one." Ashling told him.

Remus closed his eyes while half listening to Ashling's chatter and Snape's answers and occasional sneezes. The next thing he knew, Ashling was shaking him awake. "We're here," she told him.

" Ahhshoo . Thanks."

Snape got up, turning his head and sneezing as well. " Ehh-smphh, ehchhihh. "

"Bless you both. C'mon, let's go." They got off the train and followed Hagrid onto the boats that would take them to Hogwarts. Little did they know, only Ashling would remain friends with both of them."

**End Flashback**

" Umptphh, ehhtishhh, tuchfff, hashish, ehhhkucchshhh, ehhhuffshhh, uhhschushhh, eh-cheshhh, ehh...heh...hipshhhh ." Snape sneezed fiercely.

"Gesundheit."

"I thik baybe I'll try the buggle stuff dow." Severus sniffled. " Hehh-kushhh . She was always a little, hyper chatterbox, wasd't she,"

He blew his nose loudly as Remus handed him two pills along with the glass of water he had brought up with him. "She was. The pills might make you a bit drowsy." He cautioned.

"That's fide. I ab a bit hugry dow, if that offer for didder is still good."

"What would you like?"

"Soup, if you dod't bide. By throat is a bit sore frob all the sdeezig."

"More tea, as well, perhaps?" Remus suggested.

"Yes. Thak you, Lupid."

Remus headed downstairs and set about making soup and tea for himself and Severus.

Remus closed the door and charmed the room so he could hear Snape if he needed him. He probably didn't need to; he was sure Severus would make himself heard, but it had become habit with Ashling. He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on for tea. As he heated the can of soup, he heard loud sneezing coming from the room.

" Hit-CHOO, Hah-SHOO, Ahh-KISHOO, AKISHOO ."

When everything was done, he carried the soup and tea upstairs, using his wand to open the door. Snape had a tissue to his nose, and seeing the door open, stifled another sneeze. "Ahh-ihshhmm ."

"Bless." Remus set the tray down and sat across from Snape. Snape had only eaten half of his soup by the time Remus finished.

"I'mb sorry. I'mb not very hungry, and my throat's still kind of sore."

"Did the cold medicine help any?"

"Some. My head's not as tight. My nose is runding and... ahhchfff. I'm still sneezing a lot. Heh-chhh, ih-shish ." Blowing his nose, he leaned back on the pillows.

" Ihshoo, ahishoo, hahshoo. " Remus sneezed, pulling out a handkerchief and blowing his nose.

" Her-schhh ." Snape sneezed again.

"Severus, you shouldn't hold your sneezes back. They seem pretty strong, and it cannot be good for you."

Snape got a far-away look in his eyes. "Ash used to tell me that. Ehschmmfff, hitschhff, ahschfff. "

"You do know, you'll sneeze less if you don't stifle them."

"I dow. Ash told be that too."

"Severus, I know you've got a rather large sneeze. Why do you suppress them so much?" Noticing the quizzical look the man gave him, he explained. "I heard you while I was making dinner. I charmed the room so I could hear you if you needed me. Out of habit mainly, I always had to do it for Ashling; she never wanted to come get me, said she didn't want to bother me. I didn't even think about it when I did it; I mean I did, but I forgot it was you in here for a second."

"Thought it was Ashling?" Remus nodded. "She was the only onde... heh-schh ....I ever let hear me sneeze."

"Why? I don't understand why you are so ashamed of it. It's perfectly normal and natural."

"Ash and I had this conversation. Ihhtt-schhhh . It was the first time we ever really talked."

**Sev's Story**

"Ash and I were partners in potions; there was uneven numbers of Ravenclaws and Slytherins. Through that, we became friends. Her asthma made potions hard for her, just as occasionally some ingredient or another would trigger my allergies, just as I'm sure, it did for you."

Remus nodded as Snape paused to sneeze. " Heh-chhhhmmmh, ih-shmphh . That's why we took Arithmacy with you instead of divination. She didn't need it, and neither one of us would have been able to handle it up there. Anyway, we used to study together. She helped me a lot with Charms. I'm giving you the background information so you'll understand." Snape picked up his wand and cast a spell that allowed himself and Remus to see his particular memories.

**Snape's Memory #1**

A younger Severus Snape sat on the floor of one of the empty rooms of Hogwarts. A few minutes later, Ashling came in, carrying her book bag and a container of water."

"You're late." Snape said, without looking up.

"Sorry." Her voice was raspy, and she appeared breathless.

"Aren't you going to give me a reason?" He looked at her, starting to give her one of his rare smiles to show he was just giving her a hard time, but the smile quickly changed to a look of concern when he saw her. Her face was pale, and her eyes were brighter than usual. "You're sick."

"Just a little, tiny chest cold. Nothing to worry about. So, what did you want to work on first?"

"I started looking over stuff for the cheering charms essay." She nodded, sitting next to him and pulling out "The Standard Book of Spells III. They sat and compared notes and worked on the outlines for their essays.

"Think you've got everything you need for that?" she asked.

"Yeah. I've got it. Will you look over the essay tomorrow for me?"

"Yup. History of Magic next." she managed before an intense fit of coughing overtook her. Severus was shocked by it; he had heard her cough before and had seen her leave potions for a few minutes when the smoke and fumes had gotten to be too much for her; but he had never seen her like this before. The coughs that wracked her body were strong and harsh and almost seemed like they would split her tiny frame in two. He handed her her water, and she managed to take a small sip before coughing again. Reaching into her pocket, she stood up and left the room. A few minutes later, he followed her out and saw her standing in the corner of the hallway, a small plastic tube in her hand.

"Ash, are you okay?" She nodded, putting her inhalator in her mouth and taking a hit. When she was done, she turned and walked back into the room. "Are you sure you're okay? Why did you leave the room? Have you seen Madame Pomfrey for pepper-up or something?"

"I'm okay, Sev. Really, really. I don't like taking medication in front of people. Yes, I saw her. She can't get rid of this, but she gave me a potion to keep the cough under control for tonight. She didn't have anything I could take during the day right now, so I'm supposed to go back tomorrow. Ready to tackle History of Magic?" She coughed, took a long drink of water and cleared her throat.

"Ashling, let's call off studying for tonight. Go take your potion and get some rest." He picked up her things. "I'll walk you back to Ravenclaw."

"I'm sorry we didn't get much studying done." She told him when they reached the portrait.

"Don't worry about it. The only thing I was really worried about was the charms essay, and you helped me put together a good outline. Just get some rest and get better, Ash." "Thanks," she smiled before she started coughing again. When the fit had subsided, she gave the password and slipped through the portrait hole.

**Back to Present**

" Hitschfff . I showed you that one to give you some background. Madame Pomfrey had given me some pills for my allergies, and.... ihhh-ihtschff, I was supposed to see her when I needed more. I meant to see her after Ashling and I had finished studying, but I was so preoccupied with making sure that she was okay and made it back to her dorm, that I forgot until the next morning. Unfortunately, I overslept, and didn't have time to make it there before class. I'm going to show you parts of what happened before if that's okay with you. Huh-ehmphh, huh-emmphhh. "

"It's fine, Severus. I'm seeing how much you loved her. Later, I'll show you one of mine, which I believe happened around the same time as this."

"What's your memory?"

"The first time we really talked, her and I, as well. And I'll show you some others if you'd like. Thank you for showing this to me."

"It's easier thand explainding. Especially whend I keep sdeezing. Huh-chhh ." He blew his nose and resumed the memories.

***Snape's Memory #2***

Severus Snape sat at one of the tables in the potions laboratory. Glancing at his watch, he wondered where Ashling was. By the time class started, she still hadn't arrived. He figured that she probably didn't feel well and didn't think her lungs would be able to handle the class. He sniffled; hopefully, he'd be able to make it through class without any problems. Professor Andrews told them which page in their books to turn to, to begin working on a relaxation potion. Snape scanned the list of ingredients, groaning when he realized lavender blossoms were one of the ingredients. Discreetly blowing his nose as well as he could without attracting attention, he set to work. He was fine for the first 10 to 15 minutes before his nose started to itch. The close contact with the lavender, as well as the fact that every other student in the room was using the same ingredient, was beginning to trigger his allergies. He rubbed his nose fiercely, hoping to eliminate the tickle. His nose was starting to run, and he wiped at it with his handkerchief. A few minutes later, he, unthinkingly, sniffled deeply in an attempt to clear his sinuses. His eyes widened with the realization of what he'd done, and he quickly gritted his teeth and pinched his nose with his handkerchief. " Engk, ahh-emmk ." He stifled into his handkerchief and lightly blew his nose. A few minutes later, he sneezed again. " Ahh-emmk, heh-mmp ." After trying to blow his nose without making any noise, he resumed the potion.

" Hikght, hehkghtt, umppt, huhchmm ." Knowing this wasn't going to quit, he grabbed his text and book bag and tried to slip out of the room without attracting attention. A short ways from the classroom, he leaned against the wall and began to sneeze. " Ha-chhh, eh Shhh, ehhh-chhh. ehh-ihhphhh, tchff, hehhhkshhh, hehchfff, hihtchhh, ihshfff, ekishmmphh, heh-ummphh, humph, ihhktchh ."

"Are you alright, Mister Snape?" He heard Professor Andrews ask when there was a break in the sneezing.

Snape blew his nose. "I'mb fih.. ihh-mfff ...fide. I'b allergic to lavender. Dorbally it's dot a probleb, but... ihh-ihtshff ...I rad out of stuff for by allergies... ahh... ahn-chhh ...ad I didn't hab a chadce to see Badabe Pobfrey this bording. Hitschfff, ihkff. "

"Gesundheit. I'd send you to see her, but she isn't here right now. She'll be back later, probably before dinner. I'm supposed to handle things. I can give you an allergy potion if you'd like."

" Hit-smmphh. I would, but I cad't. I'b either allergic to sobething ihh...ihn-schh ...id theb or they dod't work adybore." he sniffled, blowing his nose. "Badabe Pobfrey gibes behh... ehkshh ...buggle stuff."

"That I can't give you. She has training to dispense those sorts of things. You won't have any problems once you have your pill?"

"Do, dot really. Dot like this, anyway. Heh-emphh. "

"Okay. Since Pomfrey isn't here right now, the only thing I can do is let you out of the rest of the period. Miss O'Connor spoke to me this morning, and I'm offering her a chance to do make-up next week. I was going to ask you if you'd help out, but instead, I'll have you come and make this up then. You're free to go and study or rest."

"Thanks. Hip-schhh, hitschff ." Professor Andrews headed back into the classroom, and Snape went to the library to do some studying before History of Magic.

The memory skipped ahead to a point towards the end of History of Magic. Of course, he had to have this class with the Gryffindors. He sat in the back and tried to keep his sniffling to a minimum as well as trying not to sneeze. A few sneezes escaped him though, and there were snickers and whispers from James, Sirius and Peter with each one. Remus, looking especially peaky, remained silent, and at one point, Snape thought he saw him giving him a sympathetic look, but when he looked over, Remus was focused on Professor Binns. Most of the class left quickly when it was over, but Remus stayed to get a packet from Binns while Severus blew his nose. As he got up to leave, Remus stopped him.

"Severus, have you seen Ashling today? She wasn't in Defense, and that's not like her." "Do. I haven't. She wasn't in potionds either, but Professor Andrews said she talked to himb. I have to get to Herbology." He brushed past Remus and headed to the greenhouse. Blowing his nose strongly before he entered, he went to his usual spot towards the front. He rather enjoyed learning about the various plants and herbs, despite the fact that he was allergic to several of them. Unfortunately, all the greenery was beginning to make his nose itch and run, and his eyes were starting to burn and water, He was having serious doubts as to whether or not he was going to make it through class, but he figured he'd stick it out as long as he could. However, he was definitely allergic to the plants they were working with today: Mugwort and Helenium.

" Humphhh ." he stifled a sneeze about 5 minutes into class. " Hmphh ." He tried to ignore his watery eyes and focus on the lecture, already knowing that the practical part of the lesson was going to be a lost cause. He tried to fight back his sneezes as well, but a strangled " Hmpff ." came out about every other minute or so. When the Professor Sprout had finished the lecture and sent them to work in groups, he made his way over to her,

"Can I help you, Mister Snape?" she asked, taking a look at him. "Are you alright?"

"I'b allergic to bugwort ad helediub, ad I rad out of allergy stuff. I dod't... ahh-engk ...thik I'b goig to be eeh... eh-mmpp ...able to do this."

"All right. Madame Pomfrey is back now, so I'll excuse you to go see her."

"Thak you, Professor. Hitchkk ." Burying his nose in his well used handkerchief, he hurried out of the greenhouse, stopping when he reached the castle to hide in a dark corner and let the allergy attack overtake him. " Huh-esschh, kehhishh, ekkshh, huhchisshh, ehh-ihhchh, ahhktchh, heh-shh, her-eshhh, kuh-schh, haa-chmphh, hmptshhh, har-chmmphh, khshhh, htshh, hehphisshh, ehptfff, heh-emphshh, epshh, hiishh, ehhh-kehshhhh. "

5 minutes and 20 sneezes later, the tickle had abated enough for him to continue to the infirmary. Still sniffley and sneezy when he got there, he didn't see Madame Pomfrey, so he sat down in a chair and waited. " Ketschh, kuhchschh, heh-kemshh ." Since his handkerchief was already more than well used, he got up and grabbed several tissues from the box on the desk. " Huh-schishhmpff. " he sneezed again and blew his nose as Madame Pomfrey entered the outer office.

"What can I do for you, Mister Snape?"

" Hesshh ...I rad out of allergy pillss ad... arssshh ...we worked with laveder id potiods, ahh..an-chishh , ad bugwort ad helediub in herhh...heh... herschhff ....herbology. Kehchishhh, kurchushhh ."

"Bless you. Come into the exam room." She led him into one of the treatment rooms and had him sit down. "Examinus." She pointed her wand at him and confirmed that it was an allergy attack that had sent him here.

" Hetchff. Ahhsheshhh ."

"There's no one who can hear you, Severus. You don't have to fight your sneezes right now, and it's better if you don't, help you get everything out."

" Ehh-TISHOO ." He nodded, blowing his nose loudly.

"Unfortunately, I'm out of the pills I've been giving you. I can have more for you tomorrow. In the meantime, there was one potion that helped you slightly. Would you like that one again? It might make it more bearable."

"Yeah," he said, thickly. Pomfrey left and came back with a vial and a glass of water for him.

"Drink these." He did so.

"Uh-oh." he sniffled a few minutes later, feeling his arms start to itch. "Badabe Pobfwey?" He held out his arms, which were breaking out in hives.

"Oh dear. I think we can add another allergy to your list." She handed him a handful of tissues. "As is usually the case with you, I expect you'll start sneezing again in a minute or two. I know you'll feel more comfortable in the room alone, so I'll leave and get you something for your arms. I'll check back on you in a little but."

He nodded, pressing the tissues to his nose in time for the first sneeze. " Heh-ASHOO, ahh-CHEOO, Ahh-HACHOO, Ah-CHOO, heh-CHOO, hi-CHOO, ha-KACHOO, hah-ASHOO, hit-CHOO, hah-SHOO, Ahh-AKISHOO, Hah-SHUUHH, Hahh-SHOO, eh-SHARSHHH, Huh-CHUUHHH, heh-CHISHH, huh-HUTCHOO, HAESHOO, HAESH, EHSHOO...hit-ISHOO, ATCHOO, Ah-CHOO...Huh-uh-CHOO...hit-ISHOO...hit-ICHOO...ahh-ah-KERCHO, HATCHOO, CHOO, ...

"I'm going to keep you here overnight, Mister Snape. I think the worst of it is over, but you're going to be pretty sniffley and sneezy for until it works out of your system."

" Ha-CHOO " he interrupted. " Heh-CHOO. "

"Bless you. I'm going to keep you here tonight, just in case anything happens. It's going to take about 8-12 hours for this to work out of your system, so I'll give you something to help you sleep. I'll notify your head of house to have someone bring your things,"

" Ahh-KISHOOO, Hit-CHOO ." Snape drank the next vial she gave him and then followed her to the sleeping area. She led him to a cot n the far end, and he took off his shoes and robes and lay down. The curtains around all the beds were drawn, as usual, and the infirmary appeared empty, He pulled the curtain around his bed closed and tried to sleep.

He managed to doze off for a few hours and woke when Madame Pomfrey brought him dinner. He was still really congested and could hardly taste his dinner. She told him he could have another potion to help him sleep around 11 and reminded him to rest and try to sleep. He lay there for awhile, nodding off from time to time and alternately, sneezing and blowing his nose. A while later, he woke up thirsty. Getting out of bed, he grabbed some tissues and his water glass and headed for the doorway. When he was almost there, he stopped as a wave of sneezes overtook him. " Hit-SCHOO, Ah-SCHOO, ARCHESHH, huh-CHESHOO, HARASHOO, hey-ESHOO ." He blew his nose for what seemed like the zillionth time and continued towards the water. One of the curtains was moved back and he heard his name.

"Severus?" He jumped and looked over towards where the voice had come from. "Bless you."

He walked over to the bed, and the curtain moved the rest of the way back, and he saw Ashling laying there. She had tubes in her nose and another tube coming out of her arm which was hooked up to a bag. "Ash? What happed? I thought you just had a cold." "Sit down. She doesn't like it if you aren't resting while you're in here. It's not just a cold; it's a viral infection that's settled in my lungs. The tubes in my nose are hooked up to oxygen to help me breath better. The one in my arm is an IV which is giving me medicine to help get rid of it. I need the medicine through an IV so it enters my system better. Why are you here? You seemed fine last night."

"Allergies. I ran out of pills last night. My ahh..allehh... eh-chitschhhff ...allergies are bad edough right dow ad we worked with laveder id potiods ad bugwort.... ahh....ahh-shfff ...ad helediub id herbology."

"Sneezeweed. I know you're allergic to that and lavender. Mugwort, too?"

"Yeah. I didn't bake ihh-itschh ...it through either class. I saw Badabe Pobfrey after Herbology sidve she wasd't here this bordig. Heh-umpshh, hitschfff ."

"She was in London with me. I had to go there for this."

"I'b allergic to bost allergy potiods ad the others dod't work; that's why I take buggle stuff. There was ode that helped be a little bit, ad she gave it to be, ad I'b allergic to it dow. Hipschh, hertschh, iksfff ."

"Bless you." She handed him the box of tissues that was next to her bed since the ones he was holding were getting rather soggy. "Severus, why do you fight your sneezes back so much?"

"Thaks." He blew his nose loudly. "They're loud ad I don't like people hearing me, I guess. I hate drawing attention to myself."

"You don't have to fight them around me. They're not that bad. There's plenty of people who sneeze just as loud." She gave him a piercing look. "That's not the only reason, Sev."

"Do. I don't really talk about it though."

"Sev, we're friends. You can tell me. It's not going to change anything. You're seeing me at my worst, after all. I promise I won't judge you or laugh at you."

He sniffled. "It's just...I don't kndow where to start."

"Start at the beginning."

He took a deep breath. "I've had allergies my whole life. No one else in my family does. I'm purebred; we're an old purebred family. As a general rule, purebreds don't really get sick that often. My family viewed allergies and illness as weak muggle things. So, imahh... ahshff ...imagine whend sickly, pale, allergy-prode Severus cabe alog. Heh-chshh, hetsmfff ."

"Severus, don't fight them. I'm the only one here, and I don't mind, really, and it has to hurt sometimes."

"I'll try to rebeber. It's habit dow. Andyway, allergies ad illness are dot seend as befitting a purebred wizard. That's why my parents would look down ond you, because of your asthma as much as the fact that your step dad is a muggle and you were raised ind that world... Eh-CHISHH . My parents would either ridicule be because of by health or yell at be for sdeezig or dot being able to control by sdeezes. I've always had a large sneeze, and whend I'mb not on allergy pills or if I'mb sick, I sneeze a lot. Whedevehh... ehh-SHSHHH . Whedever I'd start sdeezig, by parets would shove pepper-up or ad allergy potiod dowd by throat. I'b allergic to a lot of thigs; differet polleds, dust, cats, sobe bolds, a lot of differet herbs, so there weren't a lot of potiods I could take, ad the rehhh... eht-SHAHH ...the repeated exposure either bade theb ideffective or I became allergic to theb. Eh-PSCHHH ."

"Severus, stop fighting them so much. I promise I won't make fun of you. I don't like sneezing around people either, but those sound like they need to come out."

He blew his nose. "Why don't you like it?"

"I don't like showing weakness. This isn't something I ever wanted you to see." She gestured at the tubes. "You're seeing me at my worst right now, so I'm in no place to judge."

"Because of the way my parents treated me and made fund of my allergies, and because my sneezes were so loud and frequendt, I got really self conscious of theb ad embarrassed by themb.... Hut-SHOO . Sorry."

"Bless you. You don't have to apologize."

"Thaks. I leard to control themb. I cad sdeeze albost silently if I have to. It hurts ad bakes by doze rund bore, but I cand do it."

"I'm sorry, Sev. Don't feel embarrassed around me, okay. I won't make you feel bad. Pinky-swear?" She held out her hand.

He blew his nose. "What?"

"It's a muggle promise thing. We hook pinkies and shake and say pinky swear and then, it's promised. I promise that I will never make you feel awkward for sneezing or tell anyone else what you told me, okay?"

"Okay." He took her baby finger in his and swore.

"I'm sorry your parents made you feel bad for something you couldn't help. I don't care that you have allergies or a loud sneeze. It's who you are."

"Thaks, Ahh...Ashlig. Cad you had me ahhh...tissue.?" She pressed a tissue into his hand, and he pressed it to his nose. " Hah-SHHH, Hah-CHHT, Huh-CHOO, Ah-CHOO, Huh-HUTCHOO, Ah-HASHH, ECHOO, Hih-ISHOO, hit-ICHOO, ESHOO, heh-CHISHH, uh-huhh-CHUHH, ahh-ahhh-CHOO ." She handed him a few more tissues, and he blew his nose loudly, straightening up. Ashling reached over and brushed his hair from his face.

"Bless you." she said, starting to cough. She took a long drink of water and leaned back. "It's almost 11. Madame Pomfrey will be doing rounds soon, so you should get back to bed."

"Okay. Thaks, Ashlig. I'll help you catch up od what you bissed whed you're better." "Thanks, Sev. Now go back to bed before you get in trouble. You can visit me tomorrow if you want."

"I'll see you before I leave if you're not sleeping."

"She nodded. "Night, Severus."

" Ah-SHOO . Dight, Ash." He got some water and went back to his own bed. A few minutes later, Madame Pomfrey came in and handed him a sleeping potion. "Badabe Pobfrey, is Ashlig all right?"

"She'll be fine. Magic can't help her right now, but the muggle medicine will. She's a very strong girl, Mister Snape. She's been through worse and survived. Now get some sleep. I'll have your pills tomorrow." He drank the potion and drifted off to sleep.

**Back to present**

"That was the first time we ever really talked. I tried to see her the next morning, but Poppy said she'd had a rough night and was sleeping. I went the next day though. Hitchfff, ahschhh. "

"Severus, you don't have to stifle them around me, either. I'm in no position to ridicule you, considerihhh... ihshoo , considering I sneeze all the time. Ehshoo. Excuse me. My pill's starting to wear off. I understand how you feel though. But you don't have to worry about it around me."

Snape yawned hugely. "I'll try. It'll take some doing though; it's habit by now."

"That's okay. It's getting late. Would you like to see some of my memories now, or sleep and do more recollecting in the morning."

"In the morning, if you don't mind. I'd like some sleep. Hitschhh, hit-CHISHH. Heh-het-CHOO. "

"Bless you. Goodnight, then. You know where my room is if you need me."

"I won't. I cand take care of myself." he snapped, then softened. "Goodnight, Lupin."

The next morning, Snape woke up and went downstairs to get some water so he could take his allergy pill. Lupin was standing by the door that led to the garage. "Bordindg." he mumbled.

"Severus, stay away from me."

"What's wrondg with you?" he snapped, stepping closer to the man. "You were finde beig around me yesterday. Hah-CHEHH. "

"That has nothing to do with it. Leave the room, please."

"Why would I? Hah-CHOO, Ahr-SHESHH. "

"There was an injured kitten outside, and I went to take care of it. You're not going to want to come near me right now."

" Hah-CHOO . Go shower ad chadge before you cobe dear be. Heh-CHUHH, Ah-CHUSHOO ." Snape left the room until he heard Remus go upstairs, then got his water and went back to the guest room. 45 minutes later, he heard a knock at the door. "Combe ind."

Remus came in, bearing tea, juice and breakfast. "Sorry about this morning. I just figured you didn't want to be sneezing any more than you already are. I just had to help the kitten. I picked that up from living with Ash for so long."

"She was always collecting strays, wasn't she. Ind more ways thand one. Heh-AHSHOO. "

"Whatever she could do to ease the pain around her, I guess. Why don't we eat, and I'll show you one of my memories."

Snape nodded. "Cand I have sombe bore of those pills you gave be yesterday?"

Remus handed him some cold medicine, and they sat back and ate. "Ash and I studied together a lot, too. We got to be pretty good friends over time. This is what sealed that friendship, and I believe it takes place around the same time as the one you showed me."

**Remus's Memory**

Remus Lupin lay in a bed in the hospital wing, It had been a hellish transformation, but he could never sleep the night after the full moon. During the day, he could sleep fine, but the moon kept him awake at night. On top of that, his allergies were bugging him, a fall aftereffect of the transformation. " Hihshoo, ihshoo. " he sneezed, blowing his nose and deciding to get up and walk around, since the infirmary was empty, or so he thought. He was staring out the window when a few sudden sneezes struck him. " Ehhshoo, ehh-ihshoo, ihhhshoo. "

"Bless you," he heard a soft voice say. He turned around and saw a curtain being pulled back. "Hi, Remus."

"Ashling? Are you okay? I thought you just had a cold. Why are you on ivs and oxygen?" He went and sat next to her.

"It's a respiratory infection. I need the medication in me faster, and my lungs need a little help right now. You look horrible. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Madame Pomfrey wants me to spend the night here, and I can't sleep. But I'll let you rest." He got up and started to walk away."

"You're a werewolf, aren't you." she stated.

"Wh-why would you think that?" He went and sat back down. " Aihhshoo. "

"I recognize the signs. You disappear at the full moon and look awful before and after, you get sick easily, especially around the full moon. You have allergies that worsen with the moon cycle, which is part of the heightened senses werewolves have. And it's the night after the full moon, you're in the hospital wing, and you can't sleep, probably because the moon is too bright."

"I think the antibiotics and oxygen are doing something to your brain. I am not a werewolf."

"Yes, you are. I know about this stuff. And I can tell things about people by handling their things. One time, you left your wand in the library after we were studying, and I returned it to you. I saw you as a wolf then. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"So, are we not friends now?"

"Why wouldn't we be friends anymore?"

"Who would want to be friends with a werewolf? Aren't you afraid? Hihshoo, ah-hihhshoo. "

"My dad's a werewolf. He was bitten when I was 2. My mom couldn't handle it, so they got divorced. But I was always allowed to see him, just not during the full moon, of course."

Remus smiled. "So, it doesn't matter to you?"

"You're my friend, Remus. You are a good, kind, caring person, who just happens to be a werewolf. It doesn't matter to me." She coughed.

"Thank you, Ashi." He kissed her gently on the forehead. "You're the greatest. Hishoo, eh-ihshh, ihh-kshhh . I hate how my allergies get bad after I transform. Although, it does beat being sick. I'll let you get some sleep. We can work on catching up on homework when you're better."

"Thanks. I'll need it."

"Yeah, right. I'll be trying to help you, and you'll be teaching me. Night, Ash."

"Night, Rems."

**End Memory**

"She was the first person who knew that I was a werewolf. Her acceptance and reaction helped me tell the guys about it. Ahh-hih-ihhshh ."

"I never knew her dad was a werewolf."

"Did you ever get to meet him?"

"No, we started dating the year he died. She wanted me to meet him that summer. I only met her step-dad. Heh-CHESHH, Eh-KISHH ."

"He was a wonderful man. Ashling was the most important thing in his life. She was devastated when he died."

"I know. I don't know how she made it through that."

"She had you. Your love pulled her through."

"But it wasn't strong enough in the end. Hit-ITCHOOO. "

"Nothing was, and nothing would have been. She left some of her memories in a pensieve if you'd like to see them."

Snape blew his nose. "I would. I think I need to."

Remus got up and left the room. He returned a few minutes later, carrying the pensieve and a small journal. He set the pensieve on the table between them and projected its images onto the wall. They sat back and watched. They saw images of her childhood, her life at Hogwarts, her years with Snape, Snape comforting her when her dad died, their final kiss, crying in Remus's arms after Snape became a death eater, events with James and Lily, the Longbottoms, and Sirius, Neville's birth and childhood, life with Remus, Snape coming to her when he made the decision to turn spy, conversations with Dumbledore, Neville's life with her, scenes with Harry and the Weasleys, the aftermath of the final battle, St. Mungo's, where a dying Neville lay in her arms, saw her sitting with Frank and Alice as she told them their only son had died defeating Voldemort, ending with the images of the funerals of those who had fallen. The funerals were events Snape and Remus remembered all too well. When the memories were over, neither man dared to look at each other for a few minutes. Remus pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his eyes, while Snape swallowed hard against a lump in his throat. "I almost forget, sometimes, just how beautiful she was." Snape said, softly, when he dared speak again.

"I know. She left this journal, too, but I can't open it."

"Why not?" Snape sneered. "Bound in silver?"

"No. There's a spell on it. I can't open it. Dumbledore hasn't been able to either. Maybe you can."

"Hold on." said Snape, turning his head. "Heh-ESHOO, he-ESHH, huh-USHHH. Excuse be." He sniffled, blowing his nose, then taking the journal from Remus. He tried to open it and failed. "I wonder what she's got hidden in there, since no one can open it." "I wonder. I have an idea. She always wanted us to get along. Try opening it with me." Each man placed a hand on the cover, and the book opened effortlessly. "Figures. Heh-ACHOO ." Snape muttered. He flipped through the book. "There's only one entry."

Remus glanced at the first few lines. "It's... ah-ishshoo ...it's a letter, sort of, to both of us." They bent their heads and began to read.

Ashling's letter:

Dear Remus and Severus,
If you guys are reading this, then you figured out how to open it. It also means that some circumstance has brought you together. You guys meant the world to me, and I know my death hurt you. I wish I could explain, and I'm going to try. I'll try to explain and show you what has been going through my mind. I can only hope that you somewhat understand.
I WISHED I WAS SMARTER. I WISHED I WAS STRONGER.
God, you guys, I wish I was stronger. I wish I knew how to beat this. I wish I was strong enough to get through this. Neville's death put the light out, and the pain is creeping in. It's more than I can bear, somedays.
I WISHED I LOVED JESUS, THE WAY MY MOM DOES .
I could really use my mom right now. Her faith was enough to get me through everything.
I WISHED IT HAD BEEN EASIER, INSTEAD OF ANY LONGER .
If it had been easier, maybe it would have been longer. I'm slipping, and I can't stop it.
I WISHED I COULD HAVE STOOD WHERE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD. THAT WON'T HAPPEN NOW. THAT WON'T HAPPEN NOW
I wish I could hang in there, make you guys proud that I could get through this. If I could get through this, then I could get through anything, but I can't.
THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF SINGING THAT'S NEVER GONNA BE HEARD, DISAPPEARING EVERY DAY WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A WORD, SOMEHOW. THINK I BROKE THE WINGS OFF THAT LITTLE SONG BIRD; SHE'S NEVER GONNA FLY TO THE TOP OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW .
I don't sing anymore. I barely speak. I get quieter and quieter, almost disappearing into myself. I know Remus is worried. Dumbledore is here almost all the time. I can't bring myself to owl Sev, to say goodbye to him. It would kill him to see me like this.
I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS. DON'T HAVE NO GOD TO TEACH ME NO LESSONS.
They keep asking me what is wrong. It's nothing, nothing and everything at the same time. It's just...I don't know, my heart hurts. I know that God wants us to find meaning in suffering, but I feel He's abandoned me.
I COME HOME IN THE EVENING, SIT IN MY CHAIR. ONE NIGHT, THEY CALLED ME FOR SUPPER, BUT I NEVER GOT UP. I STAYED RIGHT THERE, IN MY CHAIR.
I've been walking a lot. I don't even know where I go anymore. I run; Remus would shoot me if he knew how much I was running, and that I don't use my inhalator unless I have too. I run until my chest is tight and tears threaten my labored breath. Then I come home and sit, staring at nothing. They call my name, and sometimes, I barely hear them, Last night, I couldn't even bring myself to get up.
I WISHED I'D HAVE KNOWN YOU. WISHED I'D HAVE SHOWN YOU ALL OF THE THINGS I WAS ON THE INSIDE.
Sev, all I wanted was to be your wife. I'm sure, by now, it has been explained to you why I couldn't. I wish I'd had the chance to know everything about you. There is so much I never got the chance to say to you.
I'D PRETEND TO BE SLEEPING, WHEN YOU'D COME IN IN THE MORNING, TO WHISPER GOODBYE, GO TO WORK IN THE RAIN. I DON'T KNOW WHY, DON'T KNOW WHY.
Remy, I never really sleep anymore. But I pretend to be, when you come to say goodbye before work. I guess, because I know it gives you peace of mind to believe that I have briefly managed to escape from pain.
EVERYONE'S SINGING, WE JUST WANNA BE HEARD, DISAPPEARING EVERY DAY WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A WORD, SOMEHOW.
I hear the world crying out; am I the only one who hears it? I know that these are supposed to be better times, but there is so much pain and despair out there, and I'm fading under the weight of all of it.
WANNA GRAB AHOLD OF THAT LITTLE SONGBIRD, TAKE HER FOR A RIDE TO THE TOP OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.
But I can't. I'll never rise to the top of the world again. I die tonight.
Sevy, I love you so much. Your love has kept me going as long as it could.
Rems, you have been my best friend and support for so long. Thank you for always being there.
I am so sorry I hurt you guys. I hope that you can find comfort and understanding in each other, since you are the two people who meant the most to me.
Love always and forever,
Ashling Erinn O'Connor
June 3, 2001

Snape blinked back tears and looked at Remus. The werewolf had tears streaming down his face. He cleared his throat and handed Remus a few tissues.

"Thanks." Remus wiped his eyes and blew his nose. "She wanted more than anything for us to get along. That was the only thing about us that bothered her."

"Maybe we should talk about it. Huh-ECKSHOO, Huh-ERSHAH . For her, at least.

"We could try talking, give it a shot. Do you want to go downstairs? I could make some more tea."

"Sure." Snape sniffled, wiping his reddened nose.

"I'll meet you in the living room." Remus got up and headed down to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Snape grabbed the tissues, wrapped the blanket around himself, and went into the living room as Remus entered, carrying two cups of tea. Remus sat in the armchair and instructed Severus to lay on the couch.

"So, where do we begind?" Snape asked.

"I don't know. I wish Ash was here; she was always good at this sort of thing." Remus took a thoughtful sip of his tea. "I should have been a Hufflepuff." He said finally. "All I showed was loyalty to my friends, not bravery."

"Living as a lycanthrope shows bravery."

"Still, I should have stood up to James and Sirius, especially when I became a prefect....and I'm sorry."

"For what? You... heh-CHEHH ...you never did anything."

"For exactly that, Severus. I. Never. Did. Anything. Ash used to yell and scream at me for that all the time. She made me realize, as bad as their cruelty was, my indifference was worse. I was just afraid of losing my friends. I should have stood up to them, told them to stop."

"Agreed. And I understand. I probably, at least initially, wouldn't have hexed James and Sirius as much if I'd have stood up to Lucius." His eyes narrowed. "How much did you know about the weeping willow incident?"

"Honestly, Snape, and you don't have to believe me, but I knew nothing. I would have put a stop to it somehow, otherwise. I caught a glimpse of you as I started transforming. I started running as fast as I could, and I smelt James come in. I remember hoping he'd get you out before it was too late. I didn't really know anything else until afterwards."

"How much did Potter know?"

"Nothing. Sirius told him when you were almost already there."

"An... An-CHESHHOOO ....ad why should I believe you? Heh-CHOO ."

"Bless. It's the truth. I didn't believe them either. Ash found out - she read their minds. James didn't know anything until it was almost too late. And he risked his life, as well as revealing his animagus to save you."

"So it was all Black. Het-CHISHH ."

"No."

"Then who?" The Slytherin demanded.

"It was Pettigrew's idea. Sirius carried it out."

"And how do you know this?"

"Ash. She read all of their minds. She found out the truth for me. You know none of them had the patience to learn enough occlumency to block against her. James told her what happened. When I found out, I wouldn't even speak to him. She wanted Peter and Sirius expelled. She even went to Dumbledore on that one. I've never seen her so mad."

"I'll bet. So you knew nothing about it."

"Not until afterwards. You can use legilimency on me if you want. You know I'm not strong enough to block you. Like I said, I remember seeing you as I was transforming, and I ran like hell. The next day I was so afraid I had attacked you. And it wasn't because I would have been killed, but because I don't want anyone to have to go through this. And if Sirius had thought it through, he wouldn't have done it. But he never thought things through. And he's dead now because of that."

Remus's eyes looked so full of pain at this that Snape dared not press it, except for one final thought. "I tried to save Sirius, Remus. I really did, even though I hated him. When Harry told me what he had seen, I tried to warn him, tried to get him to stay behind. I wish Harry and the others had stayed out and let us handle it. I tried, Remus, I really did."

Remus looked at him. "That's the first time you've used my name since before first year. And I know you did. But, Harry and Sirius, well, there was never any convincing those two of anything. It was all I could do to keep Sirius away from you when you stopped teaching him occlumency. I promised him, if anyone was going to talk to you, it'd be me, but Dumbledore took over, and I never got the chance."

"And to you know why I stopped teaching him?" Snape's voice shook with barely controlled anger. " Hert-SHAH. Eck-SHOO. "

"I do. He never should have gone into your pensieve. Sirius and I were the only ones he talked to about what he had seen. And I am, in a way, glad he saw it, saw that side of his father. We all glamorized James and left out the bad bits. Harry was horrified at what his father did to you. And he felt bad for you. He knew what it was like to feel like that."

Snape opened his mouth to question but was, instead, struck by a small fit of sneezes. " Hheh-CHOO, eh-ISHOO, hah-CHOOO, kuh-SHHH, huh-HUTXCHOO . How?" He sniffled.

Remus waited for Snape to blow his nose. "The Dursley's were pretty horrible to him. I don't know all the details, but I know that until he got his Hogwarts letter, he lived in a cupboard under the stairs, he was treated like a slave, starved. He never had clothes that fit him; their son was at least twice the size of Harry, and Harry got his old clothes. I know he was beaten a few times, and the verbal and emotional abuse was a lot. But he never talked about it much. Believe me, Severus, he wasn't laughing at you. James, Peter and Sirius were gits to you, and I was every bit as bad. And I'm sorry."

"I never knew about Harry's life. I assumed he was spoiled as James was. And I accept your apology. And I'm sorry for always trying to find out your secret."

"Accepted. So, friends?"

"Let's just start with tolerating each other's company. Har-ASHOO, eh-CHOO, HARAHSHOO . Thed, we'll see what happeds. We are pretty buch the odly two left dow. Ad, it's prob'ly bakig Ash happy."

"Yeah. I just wish she could have seen it."

Snape nodded, sneezing again. " Huh-huhCHOO, hah-ahCHOO, heh-SHOO."

Remus looked at the clock on the mantel. "Do you want some more cold medicine? You can have some now."

"That would be great." Snape blew his nose loudly.

"I'll go get it. It's nearly 5, and we didn't eat lunch. Are you hungry?"

"Actually...yes. Het-SHOO . Usually I'b dot whed I'b sick, but I ab. May.. ay-SHESHH ...baybe that Buggle stuff is helping wihh.. ihh-CHSHH ...with dat. Huh-HUTCHOO, HAESH, HAESHOO ."

"Bless you. I'll bring the cold medicine down and make some dinner. Anything in particular you want?"

"Do." He sniffled, coughing and blowing his nose again.

Remus went upstairs, returning a few minutes later with the cold medicine and administered it to Snape. "Just lay down here and rest. If you're asleep when dinner's ready, I'll wake you. Do you need more tissues or anything?" he fussed.

"Do, thadks. Hey, Lupid, why didn't you becombe a healer? You seeb like you'd be good at this."

"Aside from the obvious reason? I was never much good at potions. I can brew the simpler healing ones, but not some of the ones I'd need. Why didn't you? You've got the skill."

"Ashlig was the odly onde I could ever rebaid patiedt with whend she was sick. I don't have bedside badder. You should have beed able to figure that one out."

"I see. I'm gonna make dinner and then suggest we watch a movie or something. It's been a long day for both of us. By the way, are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah. Heh-EHSHOO, huh-ESHH . I'b stardig to anyway. I dod't dow what you bead by a bovie, but if it's not very active, I'b for it. Huh-CHOO. "

Remus smiled. "I forgot you don't know this stuff. A movie is a muggle thing Ashling was fond of, and she got me hooked. It's like a book, sort of - it's a story that you watch - more like a play, really. You'll enjoy it. She's got a whole collection in that cupboard over there. Pick one that sounds interesting to you." Remus went into the kitchen to make dinner while Severus looked through the video collection. Half an hour later, Remus returned, carrying soup and tea. "I just reheated the left over soup. I hope that's okay."

""It's fide." He took the soup and tea from Remus and sat back on the couch. Both men were rather talked out, so the meal progressed in silence, save Snape's sniffles and sneezes.

"Did you find a movie?"

"Yeah. Hablet."

"Ash's favorite movie. She loved -"

"Shakespeare. She used to tell me the stories. I liked this one the best. I actually read it."

"Severus Snape read Muggle literature?" Remus teased.

"She could be very codvidcig." Snape replied, raising his eyebrow."

"I don't want to know."

"Adyway, I liked it. Ash kind of rebided be of Ophelia. I read it again after she died. Abundance of death and being let down by people closest to her killed her, just as the death of her father killed Ophelia. Plus she was sweet ad iddocent, like Ophelia."

"I know." Remus slipped the tape into the VCR and started the movie. They watched the movie in almost the same silence as dinner, remembering Ashling.

" HAYSHOO, AYASHOO ." Snape sneezed at the end of the movie. "It's a good bovie."

"Yeah. She really liked the guy who played Hamlet. She said he was a 'major babe.'" Remus yawned.

"Gettig tired?"

"Yeah. It's been a long day."

"I dow. I'b getting tired, too. Ub, Rebus, before we go to bed, cad I see her roob?"

"Yeah. I knew you were going to ask that at some point. It's a little dusty though. Usually I go in there to clean it, but it's been a few weeks; there was the full moon; I was sick before and after, and I haven't gotten to it yet."

"I'll live. I'll sdeeze, but I'll live." They headed upstairs and stood before her closed door. After a long minute, Remus opened it and led Snape in.

"I just go in to do the cleaning charms. I haven't really been in here since she died." Remus said, softly. "It's exactly how she left it."

Snape walked through the room, looking at her desk, her books, her pictures: her with Remus, her with Neville, and her with him. "I rebeber whed this was taked. Yule Ball. Sixth year. Before I became a death eater." A piece of paper half under a book caught his eye. "Whahh.. Ah-SHOO ...what's this?"

"I don't know." Remus pulled the paper out and set it on the desk where they both could read it.

"Every now and then, we find a special friend who never lets us down,
Who understands it all,
Reaches out each time you fall.
You're the best friend that I've found.
I know you can't stay, but part of you will never ever go away,
Your heart will stay.
I don't need eyes to see the love you bring to me,
No matter where I go.
And I know that you'll be there, forevermore a part of me,
You're everywhere; I'll always care
And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you.
I'll be standing by your side in all you do.
And I won't ever leave, as long as you believe.
You just believe.
I'll make a wish for you and hope it will come true:
That life will just be kind to such a gentle mind.
If you lose your way, think back on yesterday.
Remember me this way.
Remember me this way."

"I've never seen that piece of paper before." Remus told him.

"It's albost, like, she was saying goodbye to us. Heh-SHOO, huh-SHAAHH . I feel so close to her id here."

"I feel close to her all the time." Remus reached into his pocket. "I carry this with me so it... itschoo ...it feels like she's always with me." He set her inhalator on the desk. "It's silly, but..."

"Do, dot really. I wish I had sobethig like that."

Remus opened the drawer on her bedside table and handed Snape a matching inhalator. "She kept one on her and one by her bed." he explained, pressing it into Snape's palm. "Now you... ushshoo ...you have a part of her, too."

" Huh-CHISHH . Thaks, Rebus." he slipped the inhalator into his pocket. "I'b glahh... ah-SHESHH ...glad Dubledore bade be do this. You dow, this place was like hobe for be whed she was alive. I cabe every full bood or whed you were gode, so she wouldn't be lodely. Ahr-SHOO. "

"I know. You're always welcome here, Severus. She would have wanted that. The room you're in, she always called that 'Sev's room.' Heyshoo, hehshoo, heheshoo. Let's get out of here for now; the dust is starting to get to me."

" Eck-SHOO . Be too. Good dight, Rebus. I'll see you id the bordig."

"Good night Severus."

They both walked out of the room, closing the door. It would be opened later, after the room had been cleaned, but for now, the dust was too much for their sinuses.


I don't own Snape or Remus or any of JKR's wonderful characters. All I own is Ashling.
The song is Remember me this way, from Casper.