Rivalry and Understanding
a Alexander the Great story
by Gayle
Alexander
I watched as Hephaistion excused himself from the feast and walk toward his sleeping quarters slowly. I wished to follow him, but I had pressing matters to attend to, and besides, I knew that what my dear friend needed most was rest. It had rained heavily a few nights before, and I was rather worried. Hephaistion had begun to sniff and sneeze and, quite frankly, I was concerned for his health. Not that he would complain, to neither myself nor anyone else, but I'd seen him retire early and rise late all week. It's most unusual for him to do either.
We were in a camp in Northern Persia for the winter months. We had good water and were relatively warm, considering how close to the mountains we were, but Hephaistion, though strong in all other matters, was rather prone to taking chills. After waiting long enough for him to be settled into bed, I sighed and rose, signaling that the feast was to continue as if nothing was different. I took a bowl of warm soup and some bread and knocked quietly on his door.
"Come." His poor voice sounded a bit raspy from lack of use and the settling illness. He lifted his head, his beautiful blue eyes lighting up as he saw me. "Alexander, what the devil are you doing here? Why aren't you watching the dancing that is sure to follow the food? You told me that Bagoas was to dance tonight." Try as he might, Hephaistion was unable to keep the jealousy out of his voice and the eyes that hadn't been able to hide anything from me, even in childhood.
I laughed, set down my gifts, and sat down next to him, settling his head in my lap. I made a note of the onset of fever and cooled him with my hand. "How could I enjoy it knowing full well that you're starting yet another chill? You know your health means more to me that a feast and a dance." I began to toy with his long brown hair, braiding it in a strange way Bagoas had shown me.
He smiled at the attention and nuzzled my leg. "This one will be lighter than the rest, I'm sure of it." His breath hitched and he turned his head from my leg. "Heh-ehKISHuuu! Kishh-ooo! Heh-isshh-ooo!" He sniffed again and wiped his nose on the handkerchief he'd been using since he'd come to dinner that evening.
I smiled, plucked the wet thing out of his hand and replaced it with my own. "You know, Bagoas was telling me an interesting belief in his country. It has been said that demons often take up residency in the nose so it is a good thing to sneeze them out. Never hold a sneeze in, or you are in danger of possession." I had laughed then, thinking that the story was something he'd made up when he'd caught me holding in my sneezing, so as not to upset my men. But as I continued to do it, the boy had grown more and more fearful, until he'd start a prayer whether I wanted him to or not. I wasn't able to convince him that I was not possessed and was not going to die.
Hephaistion raised an eyebrow, as if to question me. After laying aside the already damp handkerchief, he smiled. "But Aristotle always said that to sneeze was to show your good sense; or something to that effect."
I laughed. "`The sneeze is an honorable acknowledgement of the seat of good sense and genius.' And he was lying, don't you think I'm proof of that."
Hephaistion was too preoccupied with other things to pay my jab at myself any mind. "He-keh-chhoo! Iiish-shuu! Heh-eh-shii! Kish-iissh!" I waited out his small fit, knowing that the worst was still before us, and rubbed his back. Superstitions laid aside, I knew my friend well enough to know that the harder his chills start, the worse they are and the longer they will last. I, myself, am the opposite. My chills start out hard, but lighten in a matter of days. After he'd finished, he blew his nose and buried his face in my leg again. I didn't mind, such an action was normal for him when he was ill.
"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, at least." I told him, still playing with his long hair.
I felt his head shake against my thigh. "You should go; I'd hate to see you catch this." Of course I wasn't about to leave him, and he knew that. I drew up a thick blanket to Hephaistion's chin and kissed his warm, flushed cheek. He started to shiver, a sign that the ague was getting to him.
"Hephaistion, I'm going to climb in with you. You don't protest, do you?" He weakly shook his head. My added body heat would be a welcome addition I was sure. I pulled back the quilt quickly and allowed my friend to draw near to me. His cheek rested on my breast, and he finally slept.
Bagoas
My lord didn't come to his rooms the night I danced, nor had he watched. Hephaistion seemed to have taken ill and I was sure that he'd gone to nurse his friend. I could feel the familiar feeling of jealousy rise in my belly and choke me, but I would say nothing. It is not my place to tell my lord where he is to go at night. I made his bed ready, just as I would have any other evening. "I hope he is remembering to say a prayer for Hephaistion's soul. One would not want him to be driven mad by demons." I said this aloud, to convince myself than I did NOT wish any ill fate on the man that my King holds so highly. To wish such things was wrong, traitorous, sacrilegious, even. My master was, is more a god to me than a mere man, despite what he says. I sprinkled a small portion of perfume on his bed and turned down the thick red comforter. Even though it is not cold where we are staying, his health might be weak from sitting with Hephaistion for so long. I want him to keep well and not take the chill that so often plagues his general.
I moved about the room, straightening things that I had straightened a dozen times and doing other pointless tasks that one does when one is trying to remain busy. Finally, when the night was at its darkest, the King sent word by a squire that he was to remain with Hephaistion, and I must get some rest for myself. The chill might overtake me, and he didn't want his favorite to fall ill.
His words warmed me almost as well as his own body would have. I climbed into my own bed and closed my eyes, trying to allow sleep to enter my body. However, it was of no use. I was chilled to the bone, unusual, considering the fact that, by Alexander's orders, my room was well heated and I had no want of blankets. By the gods, I hoped I wasn't felling prey to the illness that took Hephaistion. There were doctors, and I had slaves, but my King's childhood friend would surely take up any time the King had with his illness, and I might be forgotten. I rose and glared at my image sternly in the mirror that my master has so graciously given me for my own use. How dare I think such terrible thoughts about my great King? Such dishonor when he'd given me nothing but love and kindness. Again, that demon of envy entered my mind, telling me that if it were a contest between Hephaistion, and myself, I did not have a chance. The King had called me his favorite, but favorite what, I could not be sure. I sniffled very quietly, bringing my finger up against my nose. "Kishh-ii! Kishh-ii! Hih-isshh! Hih-
shhoo!" I sniffled and muttered a quick word of thanks to the gods then walked toward my bed.I shivered lightly and curled under the covers, sniffling again. I didn't feel another sneeze, but my nose was running. I reluctantly rose and brought back to my bed clean, fresh linen handkerchiefs. I'd washed and pressed them myself, as they were a gift from Alexander, a useful gift that I almost hated to use. At least I could comfort myself in the knowledge that I was still quite pretty. Chills, even bad ones, rarely did anything to my looks; aside from redden my nose and eyes a bit. I was even mean enough to take further comfort in knowing that Hephaistion was already beginning to look as ill as he was. I saw him before he left. His nose was swollen and bright red color and his eyes had dark circles under them and were puffy. I knew that Alexander took no notice of how his friends looked, but I was vain enough to take pleasure in knowing that I looked better.
Hih-Isshhiii! IhKISHiiioo! HihISHHuu!" I again thanked the gods and closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would soon overtake me.
Hephaistion
I woke up feeling as if I had fallen off my horse and been trampled by the passing crowd. My head ached badly and I was very thirsty. Slowly, I opened my eyes and turned to see Alexander balancing a scroll on his knee and holding it up with his right hand and drinking a goblet of wine with his left. "The Iliad again, I see," I managed to joke, but my heart was not truly in it at all. "I would think you'd have it memorized by now."
He rose, setting his scroll down lovingly and came to my bedside. After watching me drink greedily the cup of water he'd given me, he spoke, taking the cup as he began. "Hephaistion, how are you feeling this morning?" At a closer look, I could see that he was tired. His eyes drooped and he was barely able to suppress a yawn.
"I'm feeling very nearly well. You must sleep, Alexander." I was lying, seeing as I was feeling as ill as I was the night before. I wrinkled my nose to stave off a sneeze, but I could tell that it was going to be of no use. "Heh-Keh-shhoo! Heh-Shoo! Keh-
eh-SHOO! Eh-Chhuuu! Heh-eh-Shhoo! Pardon." I reached for my overused handkerchief and blew my nose. I felt something in my ears pop, but I said nothing.Alexander was looking at me sternly. "Hephaistion, I trust you to always tell me the truth. If that trust in broken, even when you are trying to spare me something unpleasant, I'm unhappy."
I sighed; he is the only person that is able to make me feel as if I'm doing him a great disservice by NOT telling him that I'm ill. "Alexander, I feel as if I've been dragged through the mud tied to the back of my horse. Is that something more like you wanted to hear?" I brought my handkerchief up to my nose, preparing to blow it again, when he took it out of my hands and replaced it with a fresh one.
I reached to take it back, but he wouldn't let me. "Hephaistion, your nose is chafed and sore enough without you using soggy handkerchiefs to make it worse. Please, just allow me the honor of caring for you, the way you have done for me in the past." His honest, dark eyes made me melt. No one understood him the way I did. I knew his looks; I could tell when he was angry or hurt. Even as children, I had this talent. It was what drew me to him, initially.
I nodded and took the fresh one he offered me. After blowing my nose hard, I swore and rubbed my sore ear. Alexander, of course, saw the gesture and touched the offending ear gently. "Does it hurt?" His cool hand cupped my hot cheek and stayed there, while his other hand rested on my forehead. "You're running a fever."
The observation was completely unnecessary, but all the same, I both appreciated and relished the touch. I nodded as I leaned heavily on his hand. "Yes, my ear hurts, terribly." I often wondered what my life would be like if Alexander hadn't been a loyal friend. I might have been a good strategist, but as a general, I was average, at best. My health, though not poor, was nothing like Alexander's iron constitution. I believe he might have fallen ill once this winter, and that was just before my currant illness All in all, Alexander, had he been of the mind, could very easily forgotten his friend and companion of youth. "I can still beat you when it comes to physical sport, you know." The sentence was half muttered into the palm of his hand.
Alexander frowned in a confused way. "Whatever brought that on? Hephaistion, are you delirious?" His eyes searched mine anxiously.
I smiled and moved to get closer to him, resting my aching head on his breast. "No, I was merely thinking aloud. I didn't mean to frighten you. Heh-ISHHH-oo! Ih-isshhh-uu! Heh-heh-isshhooo!" I blushed lightly, realizing that I hadn't turned my head in time and had sneezed on him. "Forgive me." I lowered my eyes, not wanting to look at him.
To my great surprise, he held the handkerchief in front of my face, waiting for me to make use of it. When I had finished, he continued. "There is nothing to forgive, Hephaistion. You never have to beg pardon when you are with me." He traced one of my scars with his finger and kissed my forehead firmly. "Now, I want you to try to sleep. I must retire to my tent for a few hours, and then I will return."
Again, my old foe, Jealousy, returned. I knew full well what waited in his room, and I was loath to allow him to go to it. I caught his hand. "At least stay until I am asleep, Alexander, please."
Pity entered his eyes and he nodded. "Of course I will. You had but to ask. Nevertheless, Hephaistion, you must sleep soon. Rest is the best thing for you right now." He took my cold hands into his warm ones and started to chafe them gently. "Like blocks of ice," he muttered, kissing them. Then he began to sing quietly. I allowed myself the leisure of slipping into a deep sleep, knowing full well that he would not be here when I woke.
Alexander
I waited until Hephaistion was sound asleep and laughed quietly when he started to snore. Pulling the quilt up to his chin, I whispered in a teasing way to him, "you'll be completely stuffed up in the head when you wake next." I caught a glimpse of the morning sun, as it was peeping over the mountains and sighed, pushing myself to my feet. A few hours of sleep before facing a new day was just what I wanted, and so I headed for my tent.
Before I even looked at the bed, I knew Bagoas had been there to ready it for the night. The unmistakable scent of his perfume entered my nose and I breathed it in deeply, savoring the aroma. I climbed in under the covers and closed my eyes, allowing myself the pleasure of relaxing. Of course, it wouldn't last long, if seemed as if I'd just gone to sleep when a meek knock sounded on the heavy door. I stretched and smiled. "Come Bagoas."
The door was pushed open and my young servant entered the room. "Al'skander, are you in need of anything? You were not at breakfast this morning." His eyes were cast down at the carpet and his voice was low, pronouncing every syllable very slowly and carefully.I shook my head, smiling at the way he said my name. "Thank you but no, Bagoas. I believe I'd just like to sleep a while longer."
He bowed low. "Yes my King. I will leave you to your rest. I'm sorry to disturb you."
I smiled at his solemnity. "There's no need to make apologies, Bagoas. I simply wish to sleep. You don't even have to leave the room."
"No Al'skander, I must leave. I have much work to do." I didn't know what type of work he had in mind, but I wasn't going to argue with him either. I was too tired. I fell asleep within a matter of minutes.
Bagoas
I left my master's room in more of a hurry than I had meant to. I truly hope I did not anger him, but I needed to sneeze and I did not wish for him to know that I was ill. Not until Hephaistion was well again. "Het-issh-uu! Heh-ISHH-oo! Ih-isshh-ii! Chh-
iissh!" After a quick thanks to the gods, I blew my nose quietly and gently, not wishing for it to get any pinker than it was. I walked back to my rooms, feeling alone and rather sorry for myself. I knew, of course, that I was permitted to be honest with Alexander at any time, but I did not want to add to his worries. After all, I was the intruder, the unneeded one. I busied myself to keep my thought away from the chill that was invading my body. Exercise was a way I'd always kept my mind off things that it had no business being on in the first place. The dance the night before had warned me that I should practice more, I was getting soft and I had missed a few steps. After warming up properly, I slowly eased myself up on my hands, spreading my legs far apart, in a perfect split. Then I adjusted so that all my weight was on one arm, and lifted the other one from the ground. That was when it hit me, the terrible and overwhelming need to sneeze. I put both hands firmly on the floor, but it was too late. I sneezed several times, and the force knocked me down and caused me to hit my head on a table leg. I rubbed the sore spot, in too much pain to bother with a thank you prayer to the gods who were, no doubt, laughing at my clumsiness anyway.I scowled and irrationally grew increasingly angry with Hephaistion. Were he not ill, perhaps the King would have more time to spend with me. Guiltily I curbed my thoughts. The master spends time with those he deems worthy of spending time with, and my jealous nature was going to shine through eventually and then my King would want nothing to do with me whatsoever.
I blinked back tears of loneliness and decided to save my exercise for a better time. Right now, I would focus on my reading. Alexander was allowing me to learn to read, something I'd never had dreamed of with my old rulers. How dare I repay him with ill thoughts of his favorite Companion? I reread the same sentence three times before understanding what it meant, and I wiped my dribbling nose on my handkerchief. Sniffling, I cursed softly and put the cloth away. Alexander would surely notice if things continued as they have been. I shivered and pulled a blanket around my shoulders to keep myself from becoming too cold, and then I returned to my book. Before I was able to complete the rest of the page, I was fast asleep.
Hephaistion
Good gods, I didn't know anyone's head could ache this badly unless one was wounded or on the morning after drinking heavily at a party. I groaned and rested the heel of my hand against my forehead. Disoriented, I reached for something to quench my thirst and knocked over a cup of water in the process. My motions brought a squire into my room. He looked worried. "Is there anything you need, Sir? Alexander told me not to hesitate to fetch him should you ask for him."
I shook my head slowly and smiled at this nervous youth. "Alexader is sleepig, I've doe doubt. Let hib rest. You bay however, get me sobe fresh water. I've very clubsily upset the cup he left for be." The boy took the cup I handed him with a bow and left the room. I closed my eyes and cursed the fact that my head was so completely blocked. I hated this weakness of mine.
When the boy returned, Alexander was with him, looking concerned and hurt. "Hephaistion," he took the cup from the squire and dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "Why wouldn't you send for me? I saw him leaving this room and he told me you didn't want to disturb me." He placed his hand on my head, a frown gracing his features. I could barely see it form between his eyebrows, but I knew it was there.
I braced my throbbing forehead against the hand, wondering how it could be so rough, but so gentle at the same time. The way he touched me, one would think he was handling priceless silk or a beautifully rare, painted vase. "I did't wat to wake you. I thought you'd be asleep."
"Asleep? You've slept for a long time, Hephaistion. I've been awake for hours." He lifted my head and put the cool water to my lips. I drank deeply then leaned against his shoulder while he played his fingers through my tangled hair. "You burn with fever, Hephaistion. Would you like me to send for someone to fan you off?"
"How cad I burd whed I'b so cold? Thak you but doe, I do dot wadt to be fadd." I just wanted him to stay with me, but was too worn out to say so.
He seemed to know anyway, and climbed into my bed with me, taking me firmly in his arms. He kissed my cheek and pulled my head down on his breast, where I was more than content to let it rest, if only my nose would let me. I sniffed once, trying not to sneeze.
"Just let it come, you'll be more comfortable," Alexander muttered in my ear, holding a handkerchief in front of my nose. I didn't particularly want to sneeze in his hand, but he didn't seem to be giving me much of a choice in the matter.
"Heh-ichtt-uu! He-isshh! Heh-eh-chhhhuu! Eh-shhhuu! Heh-Keh-
isshhhuu! Gods, it hurts!" The complaint was loud and involuntary. I blew my nose in the cloth he held for me, wishing that I could do it myself. To rely so heavily on the one I love seems wrong, somehow. I am the one who should serve him, not the other way around.Alexander stroked my head very softly, muttering soothing nonsense that I found to be quite relaxing. I closed my eyes and just listened to him talk, knowing full well that he would keep it up for as long as I needed him to. My breath hitched and I fought the urge to sneeze.
I felt his fingers toy though my hair, reaching all the way down to my scalp. "Hephaistion, please, if you need to sneeze, allow yourself the privilege. You've seen me sicker than you are now, and you were the only one I was honest with. Everyone else expected me to be strong, so I was strong. You expected me to be nothing but what I was. I expect the same. Friendship works both ways, even if I am your king."
I sighed, the sneezy feeling gone. "I do't have to adybore. Alexader, you doe I've dever seed you as adythig but a fred. It's bent the world to be, our relatiodship." I sat up very slowly, so as not to upset my headache, and kissed his cheek softly. I found that I couldn't sit up for too long and replaced my head in his lap. I sniffed and wrinkled my nose, trying to stave off the sneeze until I could find something to sneeze into. Alexander was much quicker than I was, however. He held a fresh handkerchief up to my nose and told me to "just allow myself to sneeze". "Heh-heh-
hisshhh! Hisshhh-uuu! Heh-EH-Shhoo! Eh-shhhuu! Kehisshhh!"He waited for me to finish then helped me clean myself up. "There, don't you feel better?" He rubbed my back and kept playing with my hair. I still can't understand how his hands were so cool and gentle, but so warm at the same time. My mother's hands were always warm when she soothed fever-induced chills and cool when driving away the heat. His felt very much the way hers felt. It was very odd.
I felt myself falling asleep again and tried to force my body to stay awake. I knew full well that when I slept he would go back to the bed of his eunuch. I also knew that I shouldn't begrudge him the pleasure of knowing others intimately, but still, every time I though about it the jealousy rose in my stomach and made me almost ill. Sure enough, the weight on the bed lifted just as I drifted into a not so peaceful sleep. I felt his tender lips on my cheek, heard the door close and knew he was gone. For the first time in a very long time, I turned in my bed and cried.
Alexander
I left Hephaistion's room and went directly to Bagoas'. I thought I'd heard him moving about before I went to Hephaistion's room, but could not be sure. Gently, I tapped on the door to his chamber. After receiving no reply, I tried again, knocking louder this time. No being a patient man, I pushed open the door rather than knocking a third time. "Bagoas, are you still awake?"
He walked out of his small dressing room wearing a light dressing gown, which was not suited to the winter chill that hung in the air. "I'm sorry, my King, I was not decent." He bowed low to me and waited for me to give him leave to rise.
Laughing, I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and guided him to a standing position. I have never been one to care about clothing; the human body is a beautiful thing, after all. Moreover, I have seen him naked several times before. "Bagoas, you do not have to bow before me, I ask no one else in my service to do so."
He nodded miserably and sighed. "It is respectful for me to do so, my King." There was a stiffness in his voice that I hadn't heard for ages. It worried me.
"Bagoas, would you like to talk to me about anything. I'm afraid that something is weighing heavily on your heart." Careful not to hurt him, I started to play with his long dark hair. He blinked innocently at me and shook his head. "No?" I frowned, knowing that he was not telling me the truth, but unwilling to push him any further. "Well, should you change your mind; I always have time to lend you. I will be in Hephaistion's room until he is well, but you have but to knock."
He looked sullen, almost to the point of being angry with me. I smiled to myself and pulled him close. "So that's it. You dislike me being away for so long." I rested his head on my shoulder and took a deep breath. "I worry for Hephaistion when he's ill, Bagoas. I always have, even when we were children."
He lifted his head and finally spoke. "May I ask why his illnesses are more worrisome than others? You have always visited the sick and hurt men in the hospital, but never in their own rooms." His voice was husky with what I thought at the time to be emotion.
I sighed and kissed the top of his head. "When Hephaistion and I were children, he fell victim to the sickness of the lungs. The doctors despaired for his life and told his parents that, unless the gods had mercy on his young soul, there was no hope. Well, as you can see, Hephaistion recovered, but his body was never again able to fight off illness the way it should. My mother didn't allow me to visit him while the sickness had him in its grasp, but I sneaked away one day while she and my father were on their separate tasks. I'll never forget how small and frail he looked, despite the fact that he was always taller than me. Even now, any minor illness is of great worry to me, and I try to nurse him through them the way I was never allowed to when we were young. His chills are a great blow to him, and, in a way, to me as well. The sickness left him more open to them than he was before and he takes them with a greater intensity."
Bagoas turned and looked up at me, understanding in his dark eyes at long last. I pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. "My father would tell me that Hephaistion was the greatest of my many weaknesses. Perhaps he was right after all."
"Al'skander, you are not weak. If having love for your friend makes you weak, I do not wish you to be strong." He twisted himself around me until our positions were reversed. "It is not only your bravery, but your kindness that draws people to you so completely. Your men would not follow a tyrant who had no feelings for his troops. They are not slaves, but free men." He stopped talking suddenly, as if he'd said too much.
I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. "He was weak for a long time after his illness. It was feared he'd never regain his strength."
"But he did." Bagoas sounded interested. "He regained his strength and he will be well soon. How badly is he sick?"
I sighed and turned my face toward his neck. "He's pretty bad off. He'll recover though. He always recovers." I hoped I was sounding more convincing to Bagoas than I was to myself.
He seemed to sense my distress and ran his nails down my back in a very soothing way. I smiled and moaned in pleasure. Instinctively I turned my head up toward Bagoas' face and kissed him passionately, my hand snaking around his neck and up the back of his head to get a firmer grasp. As I pulled away, he sighed happily. "Bagoas," I began, "would you care to pleasure me? I know it's been a while since I've visited your chamber."
Bagoas nodded and reached for an ornate bottle. After helping himself to a generous handful of the thick ointment, he nipped my ear and began to apply the oil to my nether-region. He toyed with it for a few seconds, kissing my shoulders and back before he crawled over me so lightly that I barely felt his weight. He licked my chest several times and I held him closer, holding out the moment for as long as I could before giving way to my desires. Hephaistion had always had such a hard time with prolonging the moment. In all honesty, I believe he was happier when we simply sat up and talked until dawn. Not so with Bagoas; he seems just as eager as I am when it comes to intercourse.
I was unable to keep my needs in check and took him. He relished every movement as much as I did, if not more. After I had spent my energy and more than likely his as well, I simply held him in my arms, playing with his hair. "It has been too long, I'm afraid." I told him, stifling a yawn. "I'm a bit out of practice."
I felt his head shake against my chest. "Not so, you did wonderfully, Al'skander." He kissed my cheek in a loving, lingering way before settling his head back on my chest and tracing my battle scars with his index finger. There are times that I'd like to keep in a bottle forever. This was one of them.
Bagoas
There is a common myth circulated everywhere that Eunuchs have no sex drive and cannot become aroused. That myth is, in some cases, such as my own, false. In fact, most eunuchs, at least, those used for their owners pleasure, rather than protection, remain aroused longer than other men do because we do not ejaculate. Poor Alexander was so tired that I was ready to stop before my body was ready to let me. It was enough that he wanted me at all, after spending so much time with that general of his. But no, such thoughts are very wrong. I am in no position to wonder what they do when they are alone together, but more and more I find myself wondering just that. I want to please him more than Hephaistion is able to, and I want to know that I can. Judging by the way he took me that night I knew that was the case, but still felt guilty for thinking it. It is petty to know that you excel over your rival and be so pleased about it. I quieted my thoughts the way I was taught and focused on using my body language to let Alexander know that I too, had been satisfied so I would allow him to return to Hephaistion, provided, that is, that he still wanted to do so. He made no move to get up and very soon I felt his body relax. His breathing deepened and I knew he was asleep.
I kissed his head the in the way I had been kissed so many times and disentangled myself from his smooth body. I found that I could not force myself to leave his bed, however and began to look at his many battle scars. Most people are under the false belief that scars mar and twist otherwise perfect flesh, but, in my lord's case, at any rate, I find the opposite to be true. Every scar displays his bravery, his love, his devotion to his goal and the growing people that he protects so well.
Feeling the need to clear my nose, I rose and went into my own little chamber. I looked in the glass and sighed, wishing that my dear master would look more on outward beauty than inward. For, while Hephaistion is certainly not unattractive, he lacks the grace that I had been granted by the gods, who, I have no doubt, saw this competition in my future and geared me for it accordingly.
Hephaistion
When I next awoke, my head felt heavy and I could hardly see straight. I looked around the room for Alexander, but didn't see him. I summoned the squire who'd come in earlier. "If you would be good edough to sed for Alexader, I would be grateful." Gods, if I sounded ill, I felt worse. My head throbbed and my throat felt as though I had swallowed a flaming coal. The small squire bowed and hurried from the room.
Not long after my young friend had left, Alexander came into the room, his eyes worried. "My dear Hephaistion, you sent for me?" He knelt next to my bedside, placing a blessedly cool hand against my brow. "I've told my servant that I will be tending to you until you are well." He turned down my comforter and climbed into my bed, pulling me close. "Allow yourself to relax and tell yourself that your Alexander is here for you. It was a mistake for me to leave to start with. I see that now."
I could not help myself; I began to laugh. "You speak as though you truly do thik yourself a god, Alexader. You could have dode dothig to prevedt this frob happedig, if it was willed to happed." I rubbed my nose with my handkerchief and sighed, content to absorb his warmth. "Dow, by head aches ad I wish to sleep. I do dot request that you stay with be udtil I ab well, sibiply that you stay udtil I sleep agaid." I knew better than anyone that Alexander simply could not keep himself to one room while others needed him as well. One of those others, unfortunately, being his eunuch. "Hih-
Issshhoo! Isshhu! Heh-Ek-shhuu! Ih-isshhuu! Heh-eh-chhah! Heh-
isshh!" I sniffled miserably and looked up as the love of my life began to stroke my hair very lightly."By the gods, Hephaistion, maybe I should thank Bagoas' gods for you not sneezing yourself to death." He laughed and shook his head, kissing my hair lightly.
I shook my head and laughed quietly. "Have you ever heard of such a thig?" I was drifting back toward sleep, but I didn't want to go. I had decided that I was going to stay awake longer, this time. I did not wish to feel him leave again.
He laughed as well and pressed a kiss to my overly warm forehead. "No, I cannot honestly say that I have. But it would be a sight to behold."
I nodded absently and cast my eyes at the scroll he'd left by my bed the night before. "Read to be, will you? It's beed too log sidce I've heard Hober."
He smiled and took the scroll into his hand, and, resting the bottom of it on his knee and his free hand in my sweat-matted hair, he began to read. His rich voice carried me through the old land, back to where gods and humans lived and fought together, or, more often, against each other.
Alexander
His fever raged, but I read on, not knowing if he were asleep or awake. Fever induced sleep is never restful anyway, so I had a feeling he'd need me before the night was out. The dreams are never pleasant. It feels as though the mind has turned against you, as well as the body. I felt Hephaistion's forehead and sighed before ringing the bell next to his bed and summoning his squire.
The boy came in, looking curious. "Will you fetch me a fresh bowl of water and a cloth please?" I asked, still holding Hephaistion close. He nodded and returned with the items quickly.
I thanked him and washed Hephaistion's face, causing him to moan and pull away, shivering.
"It will do you good my Friend," I whispered, not wishing to wake him, but wishing to sooth him at the same time. He breathing finally became heavy and he snored, letting me know that he was finally sleeping deeply.
I settled down under the covers and read to myself. I was not going to leave him again, not until the morning, when I must meet with my generals and talk about matters that I truly did not feel very pressing while he lay ill.
Bagoas
If I were a dramatic person, I'd say that I had admitted defeat. Or that Hephaistion had proved himself more worthy than I for drawing the Master's favors. But I will say neither. The tale my King relayed to me was a sad one, and it is understandable that he would wish to watch over his friend of old at such a time as this. Still, it is no easier for me to take in. I am still wicked enough to wish that my master would pay me such special mind, though I know I do not need it.
I rose early in the morning and summoned my slave to draw me a bath. While I was waiting for him, I looked at all the scrolls and writing instruments that my King had given me for my self improvement. They were beautiful, delicate things. Things that looked and felt as if they'd break if you used them too roughly. I told this to Alexander, and he simply laughed gently and to me it wasn't so. Then he surprised me by drawing a lock of my hair behind my ear and telling me that if things were always as they seemed, he would never handle me as he does, for I looked just as frail as the instruments, yet I was a strong an iron forged in flame. The comment warmed and thrilled me as much as the intercourse that followed had.
I passed my time that morning by working on my writing skills at a painfully slow rate. I did not wish to mess up any of my work, and my sniffling made it hard to focus. "Hih-ish-oo! Ish-shoo! Heh-
heh-isshh!" I turned my back from my paper just in time to sneeze away from it and clear my nose forcefully. Oddly enough, I was feeling better, though my nose still ran and tickled. As much as it should have, the thought did not make me happy, for there was no hope of spending any time with my King, now that I was healing so quickly, and the other's chill would hold him for so long. I blinked firmly and returned to my work, hoping to have something wonderful to show Alexander when he finally had time for me. I did not wish for him to think I had wasted my hours being idle.
Hephaistion
By Zeus and all the gods after Him, I burned! I could not remember a time that I felt so ill and had so much pain. Well, not for so many years, at any rate. The physicians told Alexander that he needn't fear, as I did not have the lung sickness again, but if I had been felling up to talking, I could have told them that my very bones were on fire. And I was thirsty. So very thirsty. Though it pained me to do so, I opened my eyes and weakly squeezed Alexander's arm. "Water…" I managed to tell him, but nothing more. Not that he needed to hear any more. He dark, worried eyes told me that he knew what I needed before I had asked, yet he hadn't been sure that I was awake to take it.
The cool liquid was on my lips and I drank greedily, until he pulled the goblet away. "Not so fast, my Love," he whispered, easing the cruel act with kind words and touches. "You'll make yourself bring it all up again, then it will do you no good." I understood and gave one nod, causing him to bring the relief back to my lips.
When I had drank my fill, he set the goblet down and took me into his warm, loving arms, pressing a kiss on my forehead. Then he wiped my nose for me with his own handkerchief. I was too exhausted to protest, and actually relished the thoughtful gesture for once in my life. For once, it felt wonderful to know that he was caring for me and refused to leave my side, though everything in his nature told him that staying was the wrong thing to do.
"Sleep my Friend." I heard him whisper. I did not need to be told twice, as I was already returning to that land of dreams and, of late, mostly nightmares. I didn't mind them so much anymore, however. I knew Alexander would be waiting on the other side, when I needed to be awakened.
Alexander
He was so ill. I worried for him and I refused to leave his tent, going so far as to have my meals brought to me, though I could scarcely touch them. I knew what Hephaistion would say to me, if he saw the way I was eating. He would say, "it does me no good for you to make yourself ill while watching after me. Who's going to watch after you while I'm down?" And he would be right, no doubt. He is never wrong about these sorts of things. I dipped my bread into a bowl of wonderfully seasoned broth and ate it, keeping an eye on him to see if he needed anything. He stirred and sneezed several times, waking himself. "Alexander?" His voice was so weak. It sounded nothing like his normal one.
"Yes, what is it?" I went to him quickly, putting my hand on his hot forehead and smoothing his hair.
"I just wodered if you were still here." He did not even bother to open his eyes. He knows my touch well enough.
I laughed softly and wiped his nose for him. "Where else would I have gone, my dearest Companion? My place is with you now."
He smiled and closed his eyes. "As bide is with you." His face went slack again and he was breathing steadily, and loudly.
I crawled into his bed with him, feeling the winter chill on my feet and a need to be with him.
Bagoas
Over a week had passed before Hephaistion was allowed to venture out of doors. He grew tired easily, was very pale, and leaned heavily on Alexander's right arm. Also his sneezes stayed with him, but he joined my Master at a party that was intended to make up for the one he had missed that fateful night. I watched him and my lord interact as I stood on the side, waiting to dance for the man that I loved so deeply. They were childhood friends again. They laughed easily and stole food from each other's plates, when the other was not looking. I could tell that my King still worried for Hephaistion went he would sneeze or cough, but covered it up easily. A simple touch on the arm or a rub on the back, and then all was well again.
When the dessert had been served and the wine poured freely, it was time for me to dance. I danced with all my heart, and when I had finished, I took the applause modestly, but joyfully. Alexander rose to his feet and embraced me, whispering words in my ear that thrilled me to my very core. "It has been too long, Bagoas, join me tonight to make up for lost time."
Disclaimer: Certainly not mine. They belong to nothing but time and history. A/N: The sneezing superstitions have been found at this site. http://www.drurymirror.com/media/paper740/news/2005/03/04/Features/Sneezing.Superstitions-887883.shtml In addition, I hope that everything is more or less historically accurate, but please forgive any details I have had added or left out.