Untitled
a Harry Potter story
by deeplyintothis
Remus pressed a few fingers against his nose, pressing hard, feeling the perfect, heavy sleeping weight of Sirius against his back. Sirius was very used to waking at a moment's slightest sound after the last year, and he hated to wake him when he could feel such excellent, untroubled sleep coursing through his body. There was a tactile difference in his sleep, and this, this deep, profoundly still slumber was something rare to him. It only came when he was intensely tired and without anxiety.
He pressed a little harder and rubbed his nose, trying to stay the sensation, calm it a bit, but a little more wind brushed past the gray curtains of the open cottage window, carrying a sharp chill, and there was nothing for it.
"Heh... nntscht! Kesichht! Huh... huhtschtt!" He kept the sneezes small and tight against his hand, but his body shivered minutely and he felt Sirius shift slightly behind him. He held his breath and kept still, and the movement stopped. He released the breath and suddenly had to jerkily yank it back in.
"Huhgischht!" Sudden and intensely wet, he didn't have the time or the energy to hold it in. He realized in a hard moment that his whole body still ached stiffly from the transformation that had reversed itself not four hours ago.
"Hmm..." Sirius moaned lowly next to his ear. There was a small, sleepy kiss pressed to Remus's neck. "Bless you."
"Thang you." Remus whispered back quietly, suddenly aware of the embarrassing congestion in his voice. He sniffled ineffectively, realizing his need for a tissue as well.
"Alright, dear?" Sirius murmured sleepily.
"Fide." He answered, cursing the telling roundness of his voice. He felt the bed shifting and felt a terrible, steely guilt in his chest. The man had been up all night with him already. He'd even been up later than Remus himself, fussing over him, fetching blankets and performing heating charms for his sore muscles. Remus was sure that Sirius must be sore all over, too.
He felt himself blush as he realized that Sirius was up on one elbow, trying to visualize Remus's face.
"Are you alright?" Sirius asked again, his voice clearer, more awake. "You need a handkerchief?"
"I'b fide. Lie down."
Sirius sighed lightly and pushed off the covers, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Remus opened his mouth to protest, rolling onto his side, but felt a sudden twinge in his sinuses and had to turn away, covering the lower half of his face with a hand.
"Heh... hieshchhoo! Huh-uh--tsicht! Oh, mby." he breathed, hand remaining over his face, eyes seeking out the floor in self-consciousness.
"God bless you." Sirius said quietly, his voice gruff and quick, exhausted from across the dark room. Remus wished he could tell Sirius that he didn't need the handkerchief that he was digging out, but at this point he really did. So he just sat quietly, not looking up until Sirius came back with it. He was discouraged by the fact that Sirius walked around to Remus's side of the bed and then sat down on the edge instead of returning to his own side and lying down again. God, he really didn't need to worry Sirius tonight.
Remus took the proffered handkerchief carefully and timidly, wiping and then blowing his nose quietly as Sirius rubbed a hand in firm, gentle circles on his back.
"Thang you." he said again, hearing the same congestion in his voice.
Sirius rolled his eyes, barely visible in the weak light of the cloudy, dark morning.
"Go on and do it again." he sighed with sweet, concerned indulgence.
"I'b alrighd--"
"Remus." he growled affectionately. His hand remained rubbing his back as Remus obliged and blew his nose again, this time louder, knowing he wouldn't be let off the hook until his voice sounded better. Sirius' s hand moved to push some tangled hair out of Remus's eyes.
"Okay." he said quietly, and Remus could see a small, sweet smile on his face. "You alright?"
"Of course I am." Remus promised. "Get back in bed, Sirius, you'll catch a chill."
The wind pushed itself through the window again and Remus couldn't suppress a small, sudden shiver of his own, that led to two small sneezes that he muffled in the hankie. He opened his eyes to see a small concerned crease between Sirius's eyebrows that made Remus's heart sink.
"I'm afraid you already have." Sirius said.
"It's nothing."
But before Remus could protest Sirius reached to the bedside table and picked up Remus's wand. "Lumos." he commanded quietly, and dull, filmy light glowed from the tip.
Remus looked back at him with glassy, red eyes and those dark circles beneath them that he never seemed able to lose. At times like this he absolutely hated the way he looked. He wanted to burrow under the covers for more than just warmth. The concern on Sirius's face turned immediately to definite worry, mixed with a kind of pinching, sorry pain that made Remus want to weep.
"Poor dear. Always look so drained." he said quietly. He reached a hand forward and traced those awful circles of dark with his thumb; they were so dark these days they almost looked like bruises. Remus felt a surge of apology that he couldn't organize in his head.
"I'm sorry." he said suddenly, feeling stupid for saying it but at the same time, meaning it deeply.
Sirius bit his bottom lip. He was still for a moment and then leaned in and kissed Remus's forehead.
"Never apologize. You're beautiful. You're perfect." he whispered against Remus's hair. He leaned back. "I just wish this wasn't your lot."
Remus smiled weakly. "You don't have to..." he says suddenly, not knowing just where he's headed, but his idea is clear. You don't have to. You don't have to if you don't want to. Sirius shakes his head with a frowning smile on his face.
"Don't talk nonsense." he says quickly. "Is it the window?"
Remus frowns, confused.
"Is it the chill from the window bothering you?" he clarified. Before he'd even finished the question he was standing to shut it.
"A bit." Remus admitted.
"I'm sorry; I should have known better than keeping it open."
"It's fine, d--darling--hesichhooo! Heischt, heahischhoo!" Remus sneezed suddenly, hurrying the hankie to his face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'll keep you up." he said tiredly.
"Bless you. Is that better?" Sirius asked, the window shut and latched, ignoring Remus's statement.
"You're so kind, love, thank you." Remus said, the tone of his voice making it obvious that he meant every word, it wasn't just empty, tired edicut.
"Hush. Do you need anything?" he asked, sitting down again on Remus's edge of the bed. "If you're cold I can perform another charm...?"
"Oh, there's no need. You're exhausted." Remus insisted.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course. You've done too much. Please, you've been up all night."
"Sweetheart, if it helps you rest..."
A feeling of intense love combined with a sharp, definite guilt and responsibility made Remus swallow hard.
"You need to rest, too, I've kept you up."
"It's not like you've done it on purpose, Remus."
"Aischhoo! Heysichhooo!" Remus sneezed suddenly and weakly again into the rapidly- more-useless handkerchief. Sirius's frown deepened and he stood and grabbed the tissue box off of the dresser.
"Use these if you need." he said, placing the box on Remus's bedside as Remus sneezed stuffily into the hankie again. "Bless you, love. I feel like an idiot. I leave the damned window open and now you're catching cold."
"Oh, I'm sure it's got nothing to do with the window."
"I shouldn't have been so thoughtless. You have a hard enough time staying well after transformations."
This was true; that monthly ritual did seem to routinely suppress his immune system for a few days.
"You're not thoughtless. I-- oh, lord-- heishooo! Huh--TSHHT! Nntscht!" Remus stifled the sneezes hard into his shoulder, the handkerchief discarded now. "Excuse me, please." he breathed shakily.
"Here." he passed Remus two tissues from the box he'd just set down.
"Oh... thank you." Remus took them gratefully and blew his nose again. "I'm sorry, love."
"Let me get you another blanket."
"I've got three, Sirius."
"I think we've got one more around here somewhere..." Sirius began checking around in the closet.
"Come to bed, Sirius."
"Remus, my love, stop."
Sirius said it suddenly, pausing in his movements, holding a folded, gray wool blanket in his hands. He stood there, beautiful in the blue, thin light, and Remus felt weirdly confronted, like everything he'd been thinking had suddenly jumped out of his head into real life. He had no words. Sirius walked to the bed and began to spread the blanket over the lump of Remus's body.
"It always amazes me. All these years it's never stopped shocking me, surprising me with some new, awful thing. It's so unfair that it should fall on someone like you. But the most amazing thing is that you never ask for anything. You never want." Sirius finished laying out the blanket and then crawled into bed beside Remus. He propped his head up on his hand and looked at Remus straight-on. "All I have is some meager compensation: the knowledge that afterwards, I can put you to bed. I can make sure you're warm. I can bring you a tissue or another blanket or I can perform a warming charm. It's all I've got. And I want to do it so much it aches. So let me do it."
Remus was nearly speechless. "I..."
"Hush. Now: can I get you anything?" Sirius asked quietly, eyes searching Remus's shocked, still ones.
"No. I'm-- I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Wake me if you need anything." Sirius said, pulling Remus's body up against his again, the way the morning began.
"I love you." Remus said quietly.
"I love you terribly." Sirius whispered back.
I've read all the HP books, but only once each (except for PoA, of course... teehehe) and most of them many years ago, so my grasp of canon is loose. Forgive me.
This story inparticular doesn't really need to placed in canon. It's some time after Azkaban that finds Remus and Sirius in bed together. Well... nothing in canon really finds Remus and Sirius in bed together. But it happens quite often in my happy little world.
UNBELIEVEABLY ANGSTY AND FLUFFY! FORGIVE ME! BE GENTLE!