Crackpots Like These
an ER/West Wing story
by Daphi
"Jesus, Sam! Why are you so damn accident prone?" Toby Ziegler demanded of his deputy as they drive to the hospital.
"It's not like I purposely slipped outside the hotel!" Sam Seaborn replied wincing as Josh Lyman pulled the gauze pad from the cut on his forehead.
"You sound like a couple of little old women," Josh commented with a sigh. "Where is this hospital? Sam is still bleeding."
"The doorman at the hotel said that it was on this street.somewhere," Toby muttered searching both sides of the street.
"I hate Chicago!" Sam decided taking the gauze from Josh and putting it back on his forehead, wincing again.
"Sam, two hours ago you loved Chicago," Josh pointed out with a smile.
"That was before the sidewalk attacked me," said Sam frowning.
"We're here. I found it," Toby interrupted as he veered into a parking space. The two older men helped Sam from the rental car and into Cook County General Hospital.
"Uh, hi. My friend slipped on the icy sidewalk outside of our hotel and cut his head," Josh said to the young brunette sitting behind the admin. desk.
"That's nice. Sit in chairs and a doctor will see you eventually," she replied popping her gum. Someone yelled something about the computer not working and she heaved a sigh, "I'm coming, Jesus!" She walked away muttering. Josh turned back to his coworkers and sat down in a huff, anger passing over his features.
"What the hell?! Do they want you to bleed to death?" he asked sitting down.
"Relax, Josh," Sam said rolling his eyes. `I'm not going to bleed to death."
"I sure hope not. There's too much paperwork involved," came a voice from behind the three men. Turning, they saw a pretty nurse smiling at them. With gentle fingers, she pulled the gauze away from Sam's forehead just enough to see the cut. `I'm Abby. I'll take you to an exam room. She grabbed the arm of a doctor walking by, "Carter this guy needs sutures."
"Fine. Curtain two is open. I'll be the-heh hesssshhhhh! Shhhhhh! Eshhhhhh! I'll be there in a minute," Dr John Carter sighed, twisting quickly away from Abby's grip and walking away rubbing his nose.
"He seems like barrels of fun," Toby commented as they walked to curtain area two.
"Toby, of all people you shouldn't talk about someone else being crabby," Sam pointed out eliciting a snicker from Josh.
"I assure you that Dr. Carter is our very best. He's just feeling a little under the weather," Abby told the West Wing staffers. "Just wait here and one of us will be back soon." She gave Sam a new piece of gauze to hold to his cut and walked away.
"She seems nice," Josh commented watching her walk away.
"Josh, stop checking her out! She's probably in a relationship and we are going back to Washington tomorrow," Sam said as Toby rolled his eyes.
"So, I bet I could still win her over!" Josh exclaimed stubbornly, never one to back down from a challenge.
"Win whom over?" Carter asked sitting down. "You aren't talking about Abby, are you?" He smiled a little, pulling on some gloves. "Good luck if you are. That Abby Lockhart is a tough woman to win over." Carter turned to the side suddenly and sneezed twice into the crook of his elbow, "Eh-hushhhhhhhhh! Huh-huhsshhsssssssshhhhhh!"
"Bless you," Sam offered.
"Thank you," Carter sniffled. "Well I guess by now you know that I am going to suture your cut, right?"
"Yeah, I'm Sam Seaborn. That's Toby Ziegler and Romeo over there is Josh Lyman," Sam replied.
"Hey! You three work in the White House, don't you?" Carter asked scrunching his pink and irritated nose. He started to sneeze, but managed to suppress the urge at the last second. Sam nodded as Carter gave him a shot in his forehead to numb the skin.
"Think I should try the White House card on her?" Josh asked his friends. Sam and Toby both shook their heads in exasperation.
"Here's the suture kit, Carter," Abby said, returning to his side. She placed her hand lightly on his shoulder, "I'm off in like five minutes. Don't work too hard and I'll have something hot waiting for you when you get home," she half-whispered to him.
"Okay, I'll be home by nine," he smiled at her. As she walked away he sneezed again, "heh-heh-eshhhhh! HEH-heh shhhhhhhh! Shhhhhhh! Ahassshhhhhshhh!" He turned back to his work, excusing himself, and pretended to ignore Josh's dumbfounded look, while Toby and Sam struggled to keep straight faces.
"So, Josh, still think you have a chance with her?" Sam asked. Josh blushed and mumbled something that the others did not catch.
"Well, Mr. Seaborn, after I give you three stitches, you are going to need a head CT to rule out a concussion," Carter told Sam acting as if Josh hadn't just made a fool out of himself.
"How long will that take?" Toby asked impatiently. "We have a thing to get to."
"Hepshhhhhh! Heh- hang on- heshhhhhh! Shehshhhhh! Shhhhhh!" Carter sneezed. "Excuse me," he sniffled. "About an hour, hopefully no longer. I'll call CT as soon as I finish with these sutures." He rolled his neck back and forth a bit. "I promise that this won't hurt a bit."
"Well, your CT shows no concussion. You should keep the sutures dry and have your doctor remove them in five days, okay?" Carter was filling out the discharge papers.
"Do I get anything for the pain?" Sam asked hopefully. "Or a doctor's note to get my out of this meeting?"
"Take Tylenol if you feel any pain and you should rest, but I can't order you to bed, sorry," Carter replied. "Take care guys," he coughed into his fist.
"Hey," Josh finally spoke after being uncharacteristically silent since Abby left. Carter glanced at him. "No hard feelings?" Josh asked.
"I guess I can forget about it," Carter replied hiding his smile. "Just don't let it happen again," Carter added shaking Josh's hand.
"Don't worry, I don't plan on coming here again!" Josh said emphatically. He followed Sam and Toby from the hospital and Carter watched them shaking his head. With a sigh he finished filling out the chart. His nose was getting stuffier and his head was beginning to ache. Rubbing his temples, he winced when he heard Dr. Jing-Mei Chen call from behind him.
"Hey, Carter, those old women from the nursing home are back and since you treated them the last two times, bounce back rules give them to you," she said handing him the charts. Carter coughed roughly and heaved another sigh.
"Why is it I always get stuck with crackpots like them and these women?"